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How to Write (Passive-Aggressive) Greeting Cards

Updated on October 19, 2009
Sami Keinanen / flickr
Sami Keinanen / flickr

Sending Personal Cards

Sending cards and notes through the mail is a dying art, but they can mean so much to the recipient that it would be a shame to see this time-honored practice disappear. Sometimes it's just plain laziness. With the simplicity of sending an e-mail instantly across the world, actually writing a letter, putting it in an envelope, affixing a stamp, and sending it via “snail mail” can seem not only like a lot of work, but impractical as well.

Don't underestimate the emotional value of actually receiving a good old-fashioned note or card in the mail. E-mails are commonplace, but an actual envelope, addressed and stamped, shows that you put in some effort and really care for the recipient. A letter received has far more value than a message on your computer.

Another reason people hesitate to send a greeting card is they simply can't think of what to write. Use these examples as your template. Simply change the names and personal details and you will have notes for the most important occasions that your friends will cherish for the rest of their lives.

Natwell / flickr
Natwell / flickr

Get Well Cards

Illness can be a lonely time and can lead to feelings of despair. A short note can express your concern and cheer up someone who is convalescing. In fact, it can perk them up and actually help them to get well faster. Nothing heals like a smile.

EXAMPLE:

Dear Sean,

I understand from Nancy that you are doing well but cannot yet have visitors. You think you feel bad, you should see the gerbil. We sure miss you at our weekly poker games (wink – on the down low!) Perhaps when you are up to it, I'll bring the guys to your room. Make sure Nancy isn't going to be there, okay? In the meantime, you just concentrate on rest, building your strength, and getting those stitches removed. I mean, you can hardly play “poker” with those stitches, if you follow my drift.

I didn't have an envelope so I gave this to Nancy to bring to you. In spite of what you said about her, I think she can be trusted not to read it.

Best Regards,

Buster

jaredchapman / flickr
jaredchapman / flickr

Thank-You Note

When you want to show that you appreciate a gift or event, such as a stay at a friends home, add a personal flavor by mentioning something specific about it. This will show your appreciation with a personal touch, and a thank-you card is always appreciated by the recipient.

EXAMPLE:

Dear Jim and Sally,

Cecilia and I want to thank you for putting us up in your lovely home – what you call your “country house” - this past weekend. You live in such an interesting neighborhood. Even the shacks have bars on the windows! We had a lovely time, and I just remarked to Cecilia the it sure was nice to finally be home. Were you thinking of moving before the baby is born? I understand that babies are especially susceptible to germs and bacteria, and I assume Sally wont be breast feeding.

Incidentally, have you tried the product Beano? I've heard it works wonders! LOL

We look forward to seeing you soon. Please give us ample warning when you are coming this way so that we can make plans.

Sincerely,

Patrick

KaCey97007 / flickr
KaCey97007 / flickr

Condolences Card

When a friend is bereaved, a letter of sympathy offers welcome support and comfort to a trusted and valued friend. If you knew the deceased personally, it's helpful to mention something you shared with the deceased and to offer some small practical assistance when possible.

EXAMPLE:

Dear Martha,

I was very saddened to hear of the death of your mother. What can I say? That the grief you feel has been felt by everyone on the planet already? That she was as old as Methuselah? Frankly, I'm surprised she made it this long. I remember how friendly she was to me as a child when I slept over. Lord how that woman could swill a fifth of vodka! I always chuckle when I think of that time she ran around the neighborhood naked, shouting, "Open for business! Open for business!" LOL. I'm sure she will be greatly missed. (Except by the cops, maybe! Ha!) That peeping Tom across the street must be sad. Nice of your Mom to always leave the curtains open for him.

I know this is a difficult time and what a bizarre story! Did they ever find her head? If there is something I can do, please let me know. I would like to have you over for dinner whenever you feel ready. Maybe we can get drunk of our asses as a tribute to your mom.

Much love,

Sharon

Joan Thewlis / flickr
Joan Thewlis / flickr

Congratulations Card

When a friend has a special event in their life, you can enhance it with a lovely, thought out congratulatory note. An engagement, a wedding, the birth of a baby, or a career move, provide just such an opportunity for you to show how much you care. Send them a note expressing your delight and goodwill.

EXAMPLE:

Dear Laura,

I heard from Sidney who heard from Joey who heard from Billy about your engagement and upcoming wedding. Congratulations! It is, of course, well deserved and I wish you every happiness! Say! I just realized that those guys are all your ex-lovers too. Does your fiancée' know any of us? Personally, I mean? He must know a couple of your exes, at least. This town isn't that big! LMAO! In any case, I know you will make him happy. Very happy. Really, really happy. I should know! Ha! I'll call you soon to arrange a celebratory lunch at that little motel out on route 3. You know the place.

With best wishes,

Paul

ma.co. / flickr
ma.co. / flickr

Put Pen to Paper

Now that you have these stellar examples of notes for every occasion, you have no excuse not to indulge your friends with thoughtful cards and notes that will amuse, comfort, and congratulate your friends and loved ones, allowing you to share their trials and tribulations and become known to all as a good friend. It only takes a little effort to make a huge impact, and with a little forethought, you can create a remembrance that is worthy of being saved forever. Try it today, and you and your friends wont be disappointed.

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    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Whew! For a moment I thought you'd gone commercial and that this hub was going to be SERIOUS! Shoulda known better. To wit:

      My Dear Christoph,

      I am writing to apologize for doubting you, even for the briefest of moments. Recently, there has been some discussion of the Great Hub Challenge and how some hubbers switched over from using HP to improve their writing and commune with other writers. So naturally, when I saw the title and opening lines of your hub I presumed you were going corporate on us and writing a mainstream, money-making hub with straightforward, universally useful information. I mean, really, the impulse to go for the Adsense bucks can strike anyone at any time.

      I am so very, truly sorry for doubting you. If you have not done so already, you really should send samples of your work to Hallmark. I am certain they will be so impressed they will launch an entire new division in your honor.

      Yours most truly, MM

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      He, he, Christoph, this was so refreshing! Excellent! Thanks for making me laugh.

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Many a true word spoken in jest! Funny hub, thanks.

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      LOL!!! You caught me off guard, I chuckled out loud at the condolences card, where the writer is wondering what happened to the head of the deceased. And Laura is off to an interesting start in her marriage. hehe. It is true, however, that sending cards by snail mail is becoming a thing of the past.

      Thanks for the chuckles!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Mighty Mom: Thanks for coming by. I didn't go adsense silly on this one, but I have done, and found that I got no more outside traffic than normal, which is usually practically nothing.

      Actually, Hallmark got a restraining order against me. Thanks for the comment!

      Tatjana: Always nice to see you and I'm glad I gave you a laugh. Thanks so much!

      Gypsy: Your comment is most appreciated. Thank you!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Violet: glad you had a laugh or two. I appreciate your taking the time to visit and leave a comment!

    • Paper Moon profile image

      Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

      Great Hub. Do you do birthday cards for kids?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Paper Moon: It can be arranged.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image

      Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

      Hilarious. And so nice to be reminded of my troubled childhood. Thanks!

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Can I prevail upon you to write one for my embezzling sister-in-law:-)?

    • Frieda Babbley profile image

      Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      Fantastic! I had to link it to my postcard hub. Hope you don't mind. Excuse me, now I have to go twitter about this.

      Oh, and how about a letter to the person who robbed you, either your house, or of your dignity? Do you do those?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Tom: My childhood was great. It's my adulthood that is troubled! Thanks for the comment!

      MM: Sure. Piece of cake. I'll just write one for my brother and change a few words!

      Frieda: Your wish is my command! Thanks for visiting! As always, a pleasure!

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

      Chris, next thing you know you've put Hallmarks out of business! :) What a good ride with these passive-aggressive notes, I've a few (tons) here somewhere in the recesses of my laptop, only I never meant to sent those ... maybe I should rethink that? :)

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      I think Passive-aggressive is underrated and together with Elena I think Hallmark are in trouble.

    • Feline Prophet profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

      Hahaha...and to think I was actually waiting for the tips on writing condolence messages!!

    • Teresa McGurk profile image

      Sheila 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Genius. Pure and simple. You are an inspiration, Christoph, and I'd just like you to know that it took me ages to get all the coffee off the screen.

    • k@ri profile image

      k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

      LMAO! You are inspirational! You make me want to sit right down and jot down a few special notes to a few very special people. Although, I may get more "emotional value" than they would! :D

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 7 years ago

      Christoph,

      You are just too clever, but I knew that :) These are great.

      You're so right about the lost art of snail mail. Ever since I was a child, I loved to write letters, which I sent to my brother when he was in the service, and to my scattered cousins. I especially like how writing, pen to paper, feels. Oddly enough, in the past year the thought has crossed my mind, that I should just sit down and do it. However, when or if that will really happen, I can't say.

      A very fun read, thanks!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Elena: Yes! Definitely send them. What loving memories you'll create when you let them know what you really think! Hey, everyone appreciates a note in the mail! Thanks!

      Jewels: You're right, passive-aggressiveness is a great thing, unless it's being done to you, of course. Thanks for commenting!

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Christoph, I especially love this because my mother is in the early stages of dementia. When I send her a card, my step father says she can read it again and again, whereas if I call, the conversation is lost in mom cyberspace. Thank you for reminding us about this. I will write my mom today.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Feline Profit: What do you mean, Feline? The ARE tips on writing condolence messages, and other types of messages as well. (scratches head) Well, thanks for coming!

      Teresa: Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Your comments are most appreciated! (One part hydrogen peroxide to 4 parts distilled water works great on computer screens. Always wipe in one direction.)

      k@ri: I think that's a great idea. Just please send me one too. So nice to see you here!

      (P.S. I can't believe you let MM trick you into changing your avatar back. That was a classic bit of passive-aggressiveness. Please switch it back to the one I admired. There is nothing wrong with this one, to be sure, but the other one . . . wow. Like a cover girl or something. Ingrid Bergman perhaps. At least send me a copy!)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      trish1048: Can anyone really be too clever? Perhaps, if I work really hard, someday I'll find out! Yes, I still occasionally send a note or card, or even a post card, but not nearly enough. I certainly know that I appreciate getting something in the mail.

      Thanks for writing!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Storytellersrus: Hi! I sure hope your mom is doing well and the family is holding up too. I'm sure you'll find an example here that she'll appreciate!

    • profile image

      Janetta 7 years ago

      LMAO I may be borrowing a couple of these to write on the next few cards i send out...I hope you don't mind lol

      Or perhaps I could just send you all the cards I need to send and you could fill them out for me. I'm sure whatever you write would be perfectly appropriate. :D

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Well you know what they say "When you care enough to send the very best!" HAHAHA!! I love your style!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Janetta: Sure! Send me all the cards you want and I'll write them for you. I'll make them extra special so that you'll really make an impact! Thank you for the honor!

      Candie V: And I DO care! I REALLY do! Thanks for stopping by. Your comment on my hubs always means to me that I have another comment on my hub! Thank you! (Just practicing. LOL)

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Seriously, Christoph. You've got a winner here! Everybody loves the concept!! You should open your own online greeting card site. Instead of Hub Pages, you could call it Snub Pages. LOL.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      MM: Thanks! Oddly, Evilpants and I have discussed doing that very thing. Unfortunately, we're not programmers and are stifled, or else were kinda stupid, or just I'm stupid and I'm dragging him down, down into the depths. Oh well, he should have known better than to get mixed up with me.

      Love "SnubPages!" LOL

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

      If any of us die laughing, we know who to blame! And don't you dare send me one of those cards when I do :D

      Honestly Christoph - you're a riot! MM's 'SnubPages' idea is great - would be a super hit!

    • Teresa McGurk profile image

      Sheila 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

      SnubPages -- love it!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Shalini: AW...don't croak! But if you do, I'll send a nice card if I can figure out how to write one. Thank you, Shalini, for your injection of enthusiasm!

      Teresa: I like it too. It is being considered along with, Marred Cards, Charred Cards, Smote Notes, and others that I can't remember. Thanks!

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 7 years ago

      No, one can never be too clever. In my world, my brother is the king of clever. From the time we were children, I consistently left myself wide open for his quick wit, which almost always, left me speechless. It continues to this day. Guess you could say I never learn :) He gets such a kick of always catching me off guard, but, I do love him dearly :)

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Hey Christoph, methinks you could start a business here with your messages. For $5 you can write a snail mail letter on behalf of someone.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Well, then, if it was as good for you as it was for me.. here's another comment! "Comment" ... Yeah, even better the second time around! :)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

      What? No birthday card sample?

      I agree with you though...card sending via snail mail and even letter writing is becoming a lost art. I remember sweating over my penmanship when I was a kid and sending a letter to a friend in a foreign country.

      It's tough to find cards though that express the right sentiment...although occasionally Hallmark does surprise me. One Christmas, while trying to find the perfect card for my incarcerate fiancé...I found this:

      Front: To the top of the roof, to thetop of the wall, now dash away, dash away, dash away all!

      Inside: Ahhhh the treasured sounds of Christmas at the state prison....

      :)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Brilliant, I loved these ideas. Perhaps you could do one for "Congratulations on Your Divorce" too. I giggled all the way through this hub, (just what I needed as I am going to the UK mainland for 5 days tomorrow so will miss my hubpages fix until I return).

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      trish: I did the same with my sister. I'll say this: She had no trouble handling boys when she got older...she'd been trained!

      Cindyvine: Ok. Do you have my address? Minimum order of 20 cards. Thanks for commenting!

      Candie V: LOL. I knew you'd come back! Thanks for brightening my day!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Spryte: No birthday cards. You're right! I knew I should have written a book. The card you sent to that guy is hysterical. You must have searched a long time to find one so perfect!

      And you're so right about penmanship. Mine is absolutely horrid, and I really have to take my time when sending a card. Thanks for the visit!

      Misty: Have fun on the mainland! After you get back, you know can send everyone cards (passive-aggressively) thanking them! Thanks!

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Love your tongue in cheek.

      But a more serious thought...there still are dinosaurs out here who thrive on snail mail.

      I have a wonderful friend whose mother has an antique writing desk. This desk is full of stamps, stationery, and love. And beautiful penmanship. This mother goes to the post office to buy stamps and sends her daughter missives, every day, about the goings on in the town and lots of other things.

      Do you know Animal Planet and mail call on funniest animal videos? Those dogs who eat the mail when it comes through the slot would be dinner for my friend.

      Here's to snail mail.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Sally: I'm a fan of it myself. My aunt is quite a letter writer and note sender too. She'll send you a thank you card for your thank you card. Her penmanship is so beautiful you can't read it, all curlicues and what not. Thanks so much for commenting!

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Yes, it is a dying art.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      It needs resuscitation.

    • Herald Daily profile image

      Herald Daily 7 years ago from A Beach Online

      This is terrifically funny. Think my favorite part is in the condolences card - "Did they ever find her head?"

      Have you considered starting your own card line? Perhaps call it Gallmark? :)

      Thanks for the laughs!

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Agreed.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This hub is so Christoph, I love it! Very funny. Not only that, you've given me some great ideas for a card that I've been putting off sending to a crazy relative for some time now. Got anything for one of those occasions when you send something only out of obligation and hope to hell you don't get a response?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Herald Daily: I think that may be my favorite line also. People have made several suggestions for my line of cards and that's the first time I've heard "Gallmark." I like it. Thanks for the comment!

      Sally: Indubitably.

      Shirley: I don't have anything in stock that will fit your needs, but I'll be happy to put one into production immediately. For you? No charge. Thanks for the comment!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Thanks, Chris! I know my crazy not-to-be-named-here relative will appreciate it, though not nearly as much as I will. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Well, that gives me a good start:

      Dear What's your name,

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Awww, I was hoping you were going to hub about some sort of juicy/sexy cards?! LOL But sending cards through the actual mail really does have more meaning than e-mails.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      mayhmong: Sorry, no sex. Hopefully you got a laugh though. Thanks for the visit and your comment!

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain

      I had a really good time reading this hub it really made me laugh and the comments after finished it off a real treat. Thanks for the good laugh it really lifts the day.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Glad you liked it maggs and stopped to say hello! Thanks!

    • profile image

      Iphigenia 7 years ago

      Very you Chris - "did they find her head?" indeed. Funny, just like you :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Why, thank you Iphie! You are quite funny too, and classy!

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 7 years ago from France

      Very funny... any ideas for an original message for a postcard from holidays? Come on, help me a bit, I would like to "piss off" some of my English "friends";-)

    • lxxy profile image

      lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

      "You think you feel bad, you should see the gerbil."

      Rolling in Space, laughing, my friend. ;D

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Princessa: Gosh, put me on the spot...let's see...

      Dear Robert and Monique,

      We are having a marvelous time here on the cote de Azur! The Riviera is so much fun, and the Mediterranean sparkles like a blue pearl! How we wish you could join us! On the other hand, partying with the jet set requires a certain savoir fare and acceptable social skills are imperative! It would have been awful to have left you behind when we were invited to Count Richtenhofen of Austria's luxury yacht, but your distaste for the finer things - caviar, fresh oysters on the half-shell - wouldn't have met with the Count's approval. Plus, champagne THAT expensive would have been lost on your uneducated taste buds. Maybe we could have found you a bottle of Cold Duck. LOL!

      Can't wait to see you when we return to your mundane lives. We have lots and lots of pictures of the great time we are having without you!

      Your Best Friends for some reason,

      Princessa

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      lxxy: One of my favorites, and your the first to notice! A pleasure. I must write you for more information on this show you have spoken of. An Internet "Radio" show, perhaps? Thxxy lxxy!

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 7 years ago from France

      Love you Christoph it's superb. I should hire you as my personal secretary so you could come and share that expensive champagne in the Richtenhofen's yacht!

      Thank you

      xxx

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Your welcome, Princessa. I regret it's not better, but spur of the moment..anyway, glad you liked it. Much love! Christopher

    • profile image

      Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

      Oh the things we would say if we could 'really' say them! Good one, Chris.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thanks, AIDY!

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      This is was an innovative and entertaining way of encouraging others to write their own greeting cards. A wonderful idea (just wish I thought of it!).

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thank you, dohn. Your comment is much appreciated. Thanks!

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Hey Chris

      It really makes me wonder how come some people are surprised that I call you Mr Cool. I mean look at this display of wit and ingenuity! Is there any other that deserves that moniker? My point exactly. LOL Thanks for sharing :D

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Ha, ha! Good you see you, Cris! Thanks, man. I've been kind of scarce lately. I'll stop by soon.

    • profile image

      pgrundy 7 years ago

      LOL! Good stuff! How did I miss this???

      It would be so cool to actually design a line of cards like this. Now you've got me thinking...

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi, Pam. Great to see you. That's funny! Evilpants and myself have been discussing just such a venture for over a month. Thanks again for the visit!

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Dear Christopher,

      Thank-you so much for making me pee my pants(nearly) not quite, but 75% there. I do so love your stories. How by the way is that pimple going on your bum? Did you try some Clearisol, that certainly would pop the little bugger.

      Lots of Love, Blondepoet. xox

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      I'm glad you didn't pee your pants, B.P. Otherwise, I would have felt guilty and would have given you a sponge bath. The Bum pimple is long gone. Miss you!

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      I miss you too Christoph. Very much. Where the heck are you these days? Where can I find thou lovely self?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      I'll send you a note.

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

      I thought I had already commented on this one. I must have been so busy plagiarizing and getting them into produc...I mean laughing at your unadulterated genius, I forgot to come back and put up the smoke scree...I mean leave a nice comment.

      Funny stuff here! I'll let you know when the money starts pouri...I mean when I'm ready to put our business online!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      B.T. That's funny!

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hiya Cris woo hoo to one year doominating HP's with your splendour. Way to go baby. (hugs)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thank you, blondepoet! You have made my time here even more enjoyable! Love ya!

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      I still send cards via mail and I will definitely have to remember your ex: Ms. Martha hilarious!!!! lolololo Only you could be so creative. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      AEvans: Thanks! Nice to see you! As always, your comment is appreciated. Hope you are well!

    • E. A. Wright profile image

      E. A. Wright 7 years ago from New York City

      Thanks for the laughs.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Just when I thought the art of the handwritten card had died, you prove it is alive and well. Ummm, alive anyway. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
      Author

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi Randy! Thanks for the comment. I'll send you a card any day!

    • bayareagreatthing profile image

      bayareagreatthing 7 years ago from Bay Area California

      I am still laughing...

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thanks Bayarea. I appreciate your support and glad you enjoyed it!

    • Pam Roberson profile image

      Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

      Chris, these are priceless and so hysterical! What a brilliant idea. Your examples are truly stellar, and I can't pick one as a favorite. If there's room in this card business for a grunt, then I want in! Maybe one day I could work my way up to writing a few one liners. ;) This was a super funny read! :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi, Pam. Nice to see you here and there. Talk soon.

    • Anna Marie Bowman profile image

      Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

      Ha ha ha ha....I haven't written a letter in years!!! LOL!!! These are great!!!!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi Anna! Speaking of years, where have we been? We've got to start meeting like this! LOL. Thanks for coming by. Always nice to see you!

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Chris! Where have you've been!? We've missed you!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi mayhmong! I have been busy plus had an unfortunate accident, but I'm fine. I'll be publishing something soon and have already done the research. Thanks for coming by! It's always a pleasure to hear from you!

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      I'm glad to hear that you're still alive!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      And kicking.

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 7 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      Belatedly I say,'priceless.' Sigh. And I already sent my sister in law a birthday card.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Jess Killmenow: Hmmm. You've got Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up. Sharpen your pen and get cracking! Thanks for coming by and the comment!

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      It is 6:45 in the morning and i have been up all night reading your hubs. I will never get anything written on a hub. I am having too much fun with all of you. My ex in laws are going to love the Just wanted to say hi card that you have inspired me to write. Its a doosy.That evil pants guy is really funny too. Now i will have to go and read all of his stuff. I may never sleep again. I am now officially a hubpages junkie.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Lisa: Night of self-flaggilation, huh? Well, I think you should definitely get started on writing that card. Nothing says I love you like a card in the mail (or nothing says WTF like one of mine!)

      Yes. B.T.Evilpants is a funny guy. This is a secret so don't tell, but my next HubPages piece is "A Literary Analysis of the Writings of B.T.Evilpants." It will be a very serious paper. (ha!) Be on the lookout for it!

      Thanks again for your attention. I am grateful!

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

      Love the cards - needed a good laugh and certainly got one here! Thanks so much! If you and B.T. do get you Gallmark Cards up and running, do let us know - I'm sure you'll have lots of takers just on Hub Pages, judging by all the comments. ;)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Red Elf: Thanks so much for visiting and the kind words! We haven't talked about it in a while. We need a computer genius to do the technical part. Thanks again for your comment!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

      This same sentiment could work well for one of those long winded Christmas letters when you tell everybody you ever met how your year went. Great ideas, Chris, very refreshing.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi Delores: No kidding! Those "family newsletters" drive me bonkers. Just say Merry Christmas. That's enough. Add a sentence if you want. Hey, you just gave me an idea for a hub! I'll make sure to give you credit. Great to see you here. Thanks for the comment! (...and the idea!)

    • AdamCairn profile image

      AdamCairn 7 years ago from UK

      Great article, maybe I can put some of these tactics to use and stop wasting greeting cards with "To" and "From".

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      AdamCairn: Sure! Why not give it a try? Here's an example:

      Dear Adam, Thank you for your recent comment. Your writing style reminds me of Hemingway in an "economy of sentence" sort of way, where your sentences are short and to the point. Of course, with Hemingway, there were volumes spoken between the lines. He had that going for him. Plus you were probably drunk when you wrote it! I'd love to hear from you anytime, though when I was reading it (I still can't believe you found me) it occurred to me that I might be moving and changing me name. All the best, Christoph. P.S. Do you still have that skin rash thing?

      Hey, just practicing. Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Chris - the passive aggressive Christmas letter seems to work best when you read someone else's and change the wordage a bit. hehe

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Delores: Yes! I see what you mean. I'll have to use that this holiday season! Thank you for commenting!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Dear Christoph,

      Thank you for your great hub regarding passive-aggressive greeting cards. Keep writing and your hubs will improve even more! It's a big Internet out there; you'll find someone who finds your work entertaining! Keep looking!

      Sincerest Regards,

      nicomp

      ps: (just kidding!)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      nicomp: Well, we could all stand to improve, couldn't we, hmmm?

    • profile image

      Leta S 7 years ago

      Dear Chris--

      Thank you for coming to read my latest hub with the "B" word in it. It was nice to see you...and I really do think that you could show me a thing or two in regard to that hub. Just look at YOUR hub here. :)

      lolololo Lita

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Lita: Heck, I don't think I can teach you anything, on the other hand, you could teach me. Nice to see you too, and I really did enjoy your "B word" hub. Some people are just jerks. No getting around it. Thanks for reading this. I appreciate your time!

    • profile image

      Leta S 7 years ago

      haha Chris. Hope that wasn't passive aggressive! I do work ft and don't much get around to others' hubs very often. I'm editing some photos on the computer now, and am kinda bored of my big bitch hub, so am out visiting. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      I know what you mean (and yeah, I thought you were making fun of me. Not really). I hadn't put anything on here for a couple of months at least, so finally I put a couple on so I'd have something new.

    • Lgali profile image

      Lgali 7 years ago

      very nice hub good ideas

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thanks, Lgali.

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 7 years ago

      nice one enjoyed that hub so much

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      poetlorraine: Thanks for dropping by and the comment!

    • abcd1111 profile image

      abcd1111 7 years ago from Glen Ellyn, IL (Chicago suburb)

      More please! Very imaginative.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Thank you!

    • ajcor profile image

      ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

      Hi Christoph - very, very funny - throughly enjoyed the condolence letter and the mother so generously leaving her curtains open for the chap over the road! I reckon that her going will leave a bit of a gap in his life...what do you think of "bucket cards for all occasions" - as in the heaping of coals effect...although maybe not much good if you feel you have to explain! cheers

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      ajcor! How great to see you. Glad you liked it. I confess I don't know what bucket cards are. I looked it up and still can't figure it out. Lol! I hope all is well with you. Thanks, ajcor. Happy holidays to you!

    • ajcor profile image

      ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

      Hi Christoph - all is well now - had a really bad winter with illnesses - bucket = tipping of or the heaping of coals on recipient's head - in a passive aggressive way of course - That obviously went down well, so much for my original train of thought:Not! Happy Holidays to you also - Hope you had a great Summer! We have 6 family members coming to us on Sunday from your country - Michigan and Toronto to be precise - looking forward to it - should be good - have to get in a few Merlots... cheers

    • subhashlaxmin profile image

      subhashlaxmin 7 years ago from Chhattisgarh India

      great hub

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 7 years ago from Central United States of America

      Oh, you are just too far gone! :-)

      Ha-you had some really good kickers there! I actually could use a few more tips to use for my cards...Thanks for a fun share!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Frogyfish: Yea, I think everyone should send more passive/aggressive cards. Thank you for commenting!

    • profile image

      cosette 6 years ago

      hee hee...luv the Thank You note :D

      as strange as it sounds, there may be a market for these cards, the way things are going these days. well this is certainly one of the most interesting hubs i have read today.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      cosette: Yes, there is a market. I hope you will begin to write your own to impress your friends and relatives! Thanks for reading and the comment!

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 6 years ago

      I have to agree with MightyMom's first post. Your intro is so convincing I had to go back and read the first card before I finally laughed! (Was that too passive aggressive for you?)

      I especially like the get well note now that I had to read it twice. I'm sure Sean won't be playing "poker" after Nancy "delivered" that card. ;-)

      The cards you wrote in your comments were even better than the cards in the hubs! I just got a teaching job and was hoping to get a congratulations card from SOMEONE, I'd even settle for one from you!

      (I'm sorry for being so passive aggressive on you, but you might have set yourself up for it. In all honesty, I can't remember the last time I laughed so much! Every time I read one of your hubs, I wake up my roommates. Maybe we should write them a passive aggressive apology card where we make them feel left out for missing all the laughs.)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      ACSutliff: Thanks again! You really are too kind. Again I appreciate your reading and taking the time to comment. So, no one sent you a congratulations card? The outrage! Maybe I can do something about that. It's the least I can do, since your always put me in a good mood. Thanks again. You are a friend!

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 6 years ago

      Any time Christoph! I was a bit worried you might be sad at my passive aggressive comment, and I'm very glad to see you found it all in good fun.

      And now your kind words are making me smile. Glad to hear I lift your spirits. That is the exact reason why I visit you... you lift my spirits. You're very welcome, and I'm positively ecstatic to be friends!

      ~AC

      PS: If I was good at writing passive aggressive thank you notes, you'd be getting one from me, but it seems I have much to learn from you. ;-)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      Thank you again. Your comments always charm me.

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Irwin 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

      So this is my second time reading this- came across it a while back. I love it! I'm a little jealous I didn't write it because it sounds just like me whenever I walk down the card aisle on Mother's Day picking a card for my mother-in-law. I shouldn't be so kind, but yes we have "that" kind of relationship. Enjoyed this hub....again.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      Dear Izetti: I guess we really are alike. How sweet of you to revisit this hub. Plus you're such a lovely tall drink of water. Hope that doesn't offend, but I'm pretty forward. I really appreciate your comment. This hub is slowly turning into one of my favorites. Thank you again for your lovely comment.

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

      This morning I had a dilemma on my hands; I knew I could skip buying Kosher food for my cat, but I still had a decision to make: do I buy stationary and write my own cards from now on, or do I get the red dye and do my hair instead? In the end I decided for the Martini so I am raising my glass to your hilarious hubs.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      That's you, Petra. Always making the perfect decision. That's what I would have done. Thanks for the toast. I am toasting you now with my iced tea!

    • kevin@thejinxes profile image

      kevin@thejinxes 6 years ago from Monterery, CA

      Ha! Awesome title!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      Thanks Keven: As always, nice to see you hear and get your feedback!

    • CreateHubpages profile image

      CreateHubpages 6 years ago

      Very excellent and awesome...

      Keep it up Christoph

    • Christoph Reilly profile image
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      Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

      CreateHubpages: Thanks for the comment!

    • profile image

      Rozalyn Winters 2 years ago

      Hilarious!! I love your work. I'm very happy to be your 1,000th follower! :-)

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