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How To Have Better Communication Between Husband And Wife

Updated on June 30, 2011

How to get my husband to listen to me

One question that many women ask is how to get their husbands to listen to them and how to get their husbands to open up and talk to them.

The answer is that men and women think differently, process information differently, and communicate differently. As a Marriage Counselor, I get asked this question by women quite often. Why does my husband not communicate with me?

How to get my husband to communicatie to me

Men do not respond well to nagging, complaining or going on about a problem that a man is not able to fix.  It is not because he does not want to help her, but that he feels there is not solution to her problem.  A man can be a great problem solver if a woman can give her husband a problem to solve or a lest a chance to trouble shoot it with her.

Why is a woman telling a man about a problem that he can’t fix? This is the real question, and many women get annoyed because they tell their husbands about a situation and all he wants to do is to tell her how to fix it. This is because his brain is wired that way; men are problem solvers, doers, fixers.  When a wife goes on an on about her problems and does not allow her husband to problem solve with her then he begins to get frustrated and feels useless. This is when the big shut down happens, for a man, he starts to tune his wife out. This is not a good situation at all, men need to stay tuned into their wives and wives need to communicate with their husbands.

This is not to say that a woman cannot talk to her husband about how she feels; she just has to understand that he cannot listen to her like a woman can. A wife can really help her husband to listen to her if she is willing to keep the complaining and nagging to a minimum and be more direct allowing him to try to fix the problem with her. 

Women who gossip

Men are different around their wives than around other men, most husbands want to be able to be open up to their wives and talk to them. A man can find great comfort in his wife and many times she can be that one person for him that he will tell his deepest feeling to, but he has to know that she will keep it to herself. The worst thing that a wife can do is to tell her mother, sister, or girlfriends intimate details about her husband, because if he finds out the trust that he confides in her will be shattered.

Women who gossip about their husbands, this is a bad habit and one that should not be done. If a wife has a problem with her husband then she needs to talk to him about it or confided in a professional or another woman who does not know her husband. Once a woman talks bad about her husband to a friend, sister, mother, she cannot take it back and the other person will always see her husband in that light. This is not about small things or little details; this is about intimate shared secrets between a husband and a wife that a woman exposes to another woman that will damage the trust between a husband and wife.

When a man feels the love and trust of his wife and the deep connection with her, than he will feel safe in telling her about his feelings. One way to keep that connection strong in a marriage is through intimacy and making love. A man is much more willing to listen to his wife and open up to his wife if he is intimate with her.

Men communicate through love making with their wives; they connect to them and feel close to them. A woman will always get a much better response from her husband when she is regularly making love with him. A man unfortunately can get very cranky with his wife when he is not intimate with her for long periods of time.

Get help in your marriage


Sometimes men just need to listen to their wives

For the men who are reading this article and if your wife is doing all of this for you then let her know that you love and appreciate her.

Understand that once in a while when she is feeling like she needs to get something off of her chest, do your best to listen and keep your mouth closed at the end give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her that it is going to be alright and that you love her!!!

Marriage is a two way street and yes there are times when a woman does need her man to just listen to her. 

Love notes for your wife share the music of love


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