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How To Have Better Communication Between Husband And Wife

Updated on June 30, 2011

How to get my husband to listen to me

One question that many women ask is how to get their husbands to listen to them and how to get their husbands to open up and talk to them.

The answer is that men and women think differently, process information differently, and communicate differently. As a Marriage Counselor, I get asked this question by women quite often. Why does my husband not communicate with me?

How to get my husband to communicatie to me

Men do not respond well to nagging, complaining or going on about a problem that a man is not able to fix.  It is not because he does not want to help her, but that he feels there is not solution to her problem.  A man can be a great problem solver if a woman can give her husband a problem to solve or a lest a chance to trouble shoot it with her.

Why is a woman telling a man about a problem that he can’t fix? This is the real question, and many women get annoyed because they tell their husbands about a situation and all he wants to do is to tell her how to fix it. This is because his brain is wired that way; men are problem solvers, doers, fixers.  When a wife goes on an on about her problems and does not allow her husband to problem solve with her then he begins to get frustrated and feels useless. This is when the big shut down happens, for a man, he starts to tune his wife out. This is not a good situation at all, men need to stay tuned into their wives and wives need to communicate with their husbands.

This is not to say that a woman cannot talk to her husband about how she feels; she just has to understand that he cannot listen to her like a woman can. A wife can really help her husband to listen to her if she is willing to keep the complaining and nagging to a minimum and be more direct allowing him to try to fix the problem with her. 

Women who gossip

Men are different around their wives than around other men, most husbands want to be able to be open up to their wives and talk to them. A man can find great comfort in his wife and many times she can be that one person for him that he will tell his deepest feeling to, but he has to know that she will keep it to herself. The worst thing that a wife can do is to tell her mother, sister, or girlfriends intimate details about her husband, because if he finds out the trust that he confides in her will be shattered.

Women who gossip about their husbands, this is a bad habit and one that should not be done. If a wife has a problem with her husband then she needs to talk to him about it or confided in a professional or another woman who does not know her husband. Once a woman talks bad about her husband to a friend, sister, mother, she cannot take it back and the other person will always see her husband in that light. This is not about small things or little details; this is about intimate shared secrets between a husband and a wife that a woman exposes to another woman that will damage the trust between a husband and wife.

When a man feels the love and trust of his wife and the deep connection with her, than he will feel safe in telling her about his feelings. One way to keep that connection strong in a marriage is through intimacy and making love. A man is much more willing to listen to his wife and open up to his wife if he is intimate with her.

Men communicate through love making with their wives; they connect to them and feel close to them. A woman will always get a much better response from her husband when she is regularly making love with him. A man unfortunately can get very cranky with his wife when he is not intimate with her for long periods of time.

Get help in your marriage

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Sometimes men just need to listen to their wives

For the men who are reading this article and if your wife is doing all of this for you then let her know that you love and appreciate her.

Understand that once in a while when she is feeling like she needs to get something off of her chest, do your best to listen and keep your mouth closed at the end give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her that it is going to be alright and that you love her!!!

Marriage is a two way street and yes there are times when a woman does need her man to just listen to her. 

Love notes for your wife share the music of love

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    • joedolphin88 profile image

      Joe 3 years ago from north miami FL

      Marriage yikes!!

    • profile image

      chillNed 6 years ago

      Not trying to be offensive, but sometimes wifes need to shut the f^#* up.

      Sitting with someone you love and treasure and having a comfortable silence is deeply intimate.

      When my wife prattles on and on and interupts me and niggles into what I'm doing, it is not always that I need to be a more attentive husband: it is sometimes that she needs to respect that my way is just as valid as her way - and sometimes my way isn't dropping what I'm doing to listen.

      Or, in shorter words: You are very important to me, but so am I. Why do my priorities only get accepted with snyde comments or after a fight?

    • hemelsiddiquee profile image

      hemelsiddiquee 6 years ago from bangladesh

      Thank you for sharing

      Take care Dawn.

    • profile image

      akoebel 6 years ago

      Very good article that points out one of the major problems in marriages today...improper communication techniques. It all boils down to love and respect. Men, Love your wives and women, Respect your husbands.

    • profile image

      Meg_pie87 6 years ago

      I am married and been marred for about 6 years I love my husband but he is in Nc and I am in wv where still to gether but I don't wanna live with his brother he works with his brother his brother own 3 store and my husband works 14 hour a week 7 days a week and he only get paid 250 a month and oi try to talk to him about abd he don't listion I love him and we have a 10 month old baby girl please some one help me with what I sshould do thank you so much

    • dawnM profile image
      Author

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Hi Ben, well hopefully I have not discouraged you from getting married...lol yes having a deep connedtion with your spouse the best for the marriage, and communication is key to that. Thanks for your comment!

    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

      I like what you said about having a deep connection. I think that's very accurate. Being still unmarried, it's fun reading these kinds of things beforehand. Maybe I can take care of a few potential problems before they ever even pop up.

    • dawnM profile image
      Author

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      thanks themanwithnopants, for visiting my hub, most of my other articles involve no hearing at all just a hard;;;;;;;...lol

    • TheManWithNoPants profile image

      TheManWithNoPants 7 years ago from Tucson, Az.

      Thumbs up, and useful. Unfortunatly I'm afraid I must have hearing damage from performing with rock bands when I was a pup. Sometimes I find it difficult and often impossible th hear her. Hearing aids ar unsightly, so I'll just have to plug along.

      My first visit Dawn, and I enjoyed myself.

      thanks,

      jim

    • profile image

      jasmine 7 years ago

      Great hub dawn, I will def take these tips and hopefully my husband will too :)))

    • dawnM profile image
      Author

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Hi Soneblom thankyou for the comment, you as well cooperfsu!

      Hi Katiem, talking is ok as long as you can have the passion after words..lol

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Thanks Dawn, this sage advice is good for all relationships as the understanding as to the differences between men and women are crucial to relationships. I tend to talk to much, realize I do it and remember to be quite and soak up the quiet. Great tips and advice on how a wife can better communicate with her husband so that he will listen to her. Peace and Love :)

    • cooperfsu profile image

      cooperfsu 7 years ago from Valencia, Spain

      Good Hub. I will definitely use this info. My husband never listens to me.

    • soneblom profile image

      soneblom 7 years ago from South Africa

      Great hub! well done dawn

    • dawnM profile image
      Author

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Hi Steve, ok you made a great point, hopefully the women will listen..lol

    • SteveoMc profile image

      SteveoMc 7 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      Good advice! I can't tell you how far from listening to my wife I get when she says, "Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me." I can only respond that I heard her 30 years ago, and then 25 years ago, and 20, and 15, and 10 and 5, and just now. I am not due to listen for another 5 years.

    • dawnM profile image
      Author

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      thank you Carrie for your comment

      thank you Eddiwen for reading my hub.

      Hi dallas yes tha is the key for sure and active listnening is a big part of it too!!

    • lisabeaman profile image

      lisabeaman 7 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

      Great hub Dawn! A lot of good, sound advice. I've learned from experience how practicing these steps works... and how not practicing them can be disastrous. Thanks for sharing!

    • sid_candid profile image

      sid_candid 7 years ago

      Communication is the key for any relationship. Thanks for the useful tips.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      Dawn, You had a lot of good tips for relationships in this hub. I also believe communication is the key.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      Communication is key. To communicate it requires active listening by all parties involved...

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 7 years ago from Wales

      Another very good and informative hub. Thank you for sharing

      Take care Dawn.

    • carrie450 profile image

      carrie450 7 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

      Great hub on relationships Dawn.