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How Compatible Are You With Your Lover?

Updated on December 28, 2016

A romantic relationship is much more complex than it is sometimes made out to be. In a lot of books and movies, love, romance and everything about it just seems to be so easy.

However, in reality, it's unfortunate that things can't always be as easy as we want them to be. Not all relationships can last because, sometimes, the people involved in it just aren't compatible with each other.

How compatible are you with your lover?
How compatible are you with your lover?

Even relationships where couples are compatible aren't always perfect all the time. It's inevitable for fights and quarrels to happen though if you're with someone you're actually compatible with, both of you should be able to weather through these storms. As such, what is important is to find out how compatible you are with your current lover.

Romance in fantasy and fiction

A portrait of glorified perfection

Who hasn't watched romantic movies and read romance novels? Whether you are a fan or not, most likely, you would still know the general plot of these fictional stories.

More often than not, the basic happenings of a romance book or movie goes something like this: the hero and heroine meet each other.

Aladdin and Princess Jasmine get their happily ever after

In fairy tales, the perfect romance always seems so easy and effortless
In fairy tales, the perfect romance always seems so easy and effortless | Source

Naturally, they fall in love, and, in some cases, almost practically at first sight.

After that, there's some deviation depending on the story's plot such as the hero's family disliking the heroine or the heroine having another love interest.

Basically, stuff happens, but, regardless of that, the hero and heroine end up dating.

They soon get married and you can see just how happy the couple are.

They don't appear to have any problems in their relationship.

Any fight they do have is considered petty or is quickly resolved. No matter what happens, they still stay together.

It's always a happily-ever-after in these kinds of stories.

Disney movies are perfect examples of couples who always get their happy ending, their "and they lived happily ever after".

For instance, Aladdin and the Princess Jasmine in Aladdin end up together at the end of the movie.

Movies like Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, and The Princess and the Frog even include wedding scenes for the main couple.

Even Tangled has a short sequel, entitled Tangled Ever After, that's all about Rapunzel and Eugene getting married.

Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with stories having happy endings and with couples being happy together. It's just that, in reality, this doesn't happen all the time.

Sometimes, things just don't work out between two people no matter how much they try due to a lot of different reasons.

It seems that, regardless of whatever harrowing trials and tribulations the hero and heroine face, they always triumph against these obstacles.

They still end up together, never mind that the odds are so highly stacked against them and the entire world seems bent on keeping them apart from each other. In the end, they still get their happy ending.

Everything just seems so perfect and romantic that it’s natural for anyone to wish for a perfect romantic relationship like those that can be seen in movies and novels.

Really, who wouldn't want to have such a wonderful and special connection with someone who would go to the ends of the earth, face anything and everything just to protect them and be with them?

It's unfortunate, but the truth is that reality isn't always as obliging as fiction.

Reality is much, much more complicated than fantasy, because, in reality, things can't always be perfect all the time. Reality doesn't always give happily-ever-afters no matter how much you might want it to.

Reality of Romance

The truth isn't always as it seems

Sometimes, a relationship just can't work out no matter how much you struggle and try your best to make it work.

Simply put, a romantic relationship is so much more complex than it is sometimes made out to be. Not everyone can have the wonderful and romantic relationship that we can see portrayed in books and movies.

Sometimes, you might meet someone that you think is right for you, but it turns out that you were mistaken.

Truth about reality

Reality can't always be as perfect as fiction
Reality can't always be as perfect as fiction | Source

Mistakes can be rampant in reality. The very first person you meet doesn't necessarily have to be the one that you have to spend the rest of your life with.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, romantic or otherwise. Even happily married couples still have their fights and arguments sometimes.

This is inevitable because people are different from each other and therefore, they can't and won't always get along all the time.

Love and Compatibility

Importance of being compatible with your lover

Just because there is no such thing as a perfect relationship doesn't mean that couples can't ever be happy together.

We hear lots of real romantic stories of couples who stayed together through thick and thin, of couples who faced the toughest challenges, but remained close together and of couples who may now be old but are still happily married.

Quote about love and compatibility by Dr. Seuss
Quote about love and compatibility by Dr. Seuss | Source

These kinds of relationships may not be perfect, but what is really important is finding someone that adequately complements your imperfections.

This is someone that you can live with, someone who's quirks and habits you can tolerate, someone whom you can love even if he or she isn't perfect.

In return, this person loves you as well for who you are.

We all have flaws. What's important is being loved despite our imperfections and weaknesses
We all have flaws. What's important is being loved despite our imperfections and weaknesses | Source

This is what compatibility is all about and this is why it's so important in a relationship.

After all, how can you stay with someone you dislike? How can you put up with someone whom you don't get along with? How can you tolerate annoying things about a person that you don't like?

If you're compatible with someone, you can put up with these things and both of you would do your best to make the relationship work out.

How do you know if you are compatible with your lover or not?

Stars and Astrology

Do you believe in Astrology? Some people believe in these things and yet some don't.

There are those who look up their Zodiac signs and see how compatible their sign is with that of their lover's.

Are fate and destiny really written in the stars?
Are fate and destiny really written in the stars? | Source

Some look at the stars, constellations and other heavenly bodies, perhaps believing these things can help them identify whether they are really compatible with their lover or not.

This doesn't really have to be necessary though, unless you really want to check what the stars are telling you.

There are many other ways to determine whether or not you are compatible with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Physical Looks

Have you heard of the phrase, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? There is certainly truth to this statement because everyone has different tastes. Each person views the world differently.

What might be beautiful or handsome to some might actually be considered ugly by other people.

Do you share the same eye / taste for physical appearances?

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" | Source

People have different tastes. You might like someone or vice versa, but that doesn't matter if the feeling is unrequited.

Just look at the poster print of a romantic couple featured above. They look sweet and romantic, right?

If we're just looking at the pic, then we might say that the guy is in love or likes the girl's appearance since he's giving her flowers (and is presumably courting her).

But what about the girl? Maybe she likes him too. Maybe she thinks he's handsome.

But it's not always like that. Sometimes, the feeling isn't mutual and the love is unrequited. Of course, this shouldn't be just because of a person's physical appearance.

If you find someone that you are compatible with, chances are that you both share the same eye for how you view things.

He or she would think you look wonderful and you would think the same of your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Other people might think differently, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that both you and your lover like the way the other looks.

After all, why would you be together with someone if you don't like the way he or she looks?

In that regard, why would anyone want to be with you if they don't like how you look? Neither case makes sense.

Thus, physical appearances also have a hand in determining compatibility. Just remember that looks aren't the be-all and end-all of a relationship and of compatibility.

Viewpoint and Outlook on Life

Would you classify yourself as an optimist, a pessimist, a cynic, a dreamer, an idealist or a realist? Why does this matter? It doesn't have to matter if you don't want it to.

If you're with someone who shares the same view in life as you do, then this shouldn't matter at all.

What you see is not always what others will see

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? | Source

But what if you're with someone who views things differently from you?

Can you still get along with this person? Can you still stand to be together with this person?

If you're an optimist with a happy outlook on life and your partner is a pessimist who has a tendency to be depressed a lot of the time, can you reconcile your differences and still stay together?

If you're compatible with your lover, then you would be able to still stay together even if you might view the world differently from each other.

She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

Compromise

How much do you clash with your lover?

This is an important question to consider because both you and your lover undoubtedly have your own differences, both in personalities and opinions.

You are your own self in the same way that your lover is his or her own self. There may be things that both of you won't be able to agree on and which would cause disagreements or even a possible rift in your relationship.

These things can vary from simple to complex. And the question, is how can you resolve these disagreements and differences in opinion?

Why She Will Be Loved?

Song's Significance

The song "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 sounds amazing and wonderful with its tune, melody and tone.

It sounds a bit melancholy and it even comes across as poignant with some of its lyrics.

Part of its lyrics say: "It's not always rainbows and butterflies / It's compromise that moves us along".

This shows that compromise is important and that life and relationships can't be perfect all the time, much as we want it to be.

There will be troubles and problems that we will have to face and often times, we may have to compromise on these things.

For instance, what if one of you wants to live in a big house and the other prefers a small cottage?

What if one would like to relocate to another country while the other prefers to stay in his or her home country?

Compromising can solve matters like this. If it's something simple, it would be easily resolved such as one giving in to the other.

However, what if the matter is something too complex? What if, say, one of you wants to have children and yet the other doesn't?

Or what if one wants to have only 2 children while the other prefers to have many kids?

If it's something as complex as that, how can you resolve things? Will one of you actually end up giving in?

But, if someone does give in, what happens in the long run? Will either of you eventually be dissatisfied and resentful because you didn't get what you wanted? How will you compromise in situations like this?

These things show that you clash with your lover. If you clash with each other too much, then it can be an indication that you aren't really compatible with each other. Be sure that you don't overtly clash with your lover because you don't want to end up regretting things in the end.

How often do you fight with your lover?

See results

Fighting

How often do you fight with your lover?

Having too many fights with your lover can be another indication of incompatibility.

After all, if the two of you are a perfect match, you shouldn't be fighting with each other all the time.

A few fights here and there, occasionally and every once in a while is perfectly normal because couples fight sometimes.

However, if this happens way too often, this should give you pause. Think about why you fight with your lover. Is it because you're too different from each other?

Could it be because you're just too incompatible and you can't reconcile your differences? This is an important thing to consider because you don't want your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend to be based on fights.

Closeness

Being close to your lover also includes being comfortable in his or her presence. You should love spending time with your lover such as going out with him or her, hanging out or just simply being together.

If you're really close to your boyfriend or girlfriend, then this should mean that you can tell each other everything and that there are no secrets between the two of you.

How close are you with your lover?
How close are you with your lover? | Source

Aside from compatibility, this is also an indication of trust, which is very important in a relationship.

You can't and you shouldn't be with someone that you don't trust. If you're not all that close to your lover, could this be because you don't trust him or her?

How often do you hug your lover?
How often do you hug your lover? | Source

Couples should be able to communicate with each other in a way that they can't do with other people. This shows you have a special connection as well as that you know each other well.

If you find yourself telling other people about things that you really ought to be telling your lover instead, then it might be because you're not really compatible with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Acceptance and Understanding

If you love someone, you're able to look past their imperfections and weaknesses and love them in spite of this.

Nobody is perfect. Can you accept your lover for who he or she is, including his or her imperfections and weaknesses?
Nobody is perfect. Can you accept your lover for who he or she is, including his or her imperfections and weaknesses? | Source

Love isn't about finding someone perfect because there is no one perfect.

As humans, it's a given that we're flawed. We make mistakes and we have our bad habits.

But when you find the right person for you, he or she will accept you for who you are, regardless of your inability to be perfect.

In the same way, you can accept this person for who he or she is as you tolerate his or her imperfections, which you might even find endearing.

With acceptance also comes understanding. Couples must understand each other because, otherwise, how can they get along?

Conclusion

These are just some of the things that could indicate whether or not you're compatible with your lover.

'Til death do us part
'Til death do us part

It's important to make certain that you're with someone that you're actually compatible with as this can ensure that your relationship will work out through the years.

Stories and movies can sometimes make things look so easy for couples, but the truth is that it's not always easy.

Even if you're with someone you really love and who you're compatible with, you're sure to still face some troubles and problems along the way.

But, as long as you're really in love with each other, then you'll be able to make your relationship work and you'll be able to get past any trials and tribulations that may come your way.

Otherwise, if you're with someone who's incompatible with you, then your relationship, which might lead to marriage might also eventually be headed for divorce or annulment.

Credits:

© 2016 Freya Yuki

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      Several valid points...

      "Not all relationships can last because, sometimes, the people involved in it just aren't compatible with each other." Very true!

      And yet there is an industry dedicated to saving ALL marriages!

      I believe the #1 cause for divorce is (choosing) the wrong mate!

      Ideally one should choose a mate who shares their same values, wants the same things for the relationship that they do, naturally agree on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      As you mentioned there is no such thing as a "perfect relationship" however couples who (naturally agree) on the (major) things tend to be happier.

      Compatibility trumps Compromise!

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      People only change when (they) are unhappy.

      Most people want to be loved and accepted for who they are.

      Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      Not long ago I saw comments made by one woman who stated she would be BORED if her mate naturally was in agreement with her.

      "I need someone who will (challenge) me and make me grow."

      In other words it sounds like she loves a good fight and some drama. Personally speaking I have enough challenges on the other side of my front door. After working all day I can't imagine heading home for more.

      However this woman makes a point in that many people intentionally look for someone who is NOT in sync with themselves. Initially they may be fascinated with how different they are from each other however in most instances those same traits people usually come to resent later.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want.

      One man's opinion!:)