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How Do You Know If You Love Someone

Updated on March 20, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

What is Love Anyway?

How do we know that what we are feeling for someone is love? What love feels like to one person, may feel completely different to another.

It's difficult to define what love is, or indeed if it even exists. Love is a made up term. It's something we have determined ourselves. It's a feeling that we have given a name. Buy who's feeling?


Love, Lust and Obsession

If you want to discover the true nature of your feelings you need to take a long hard look within and contemplate how being with this person makes you feel.

Do you feel loved? Do they respect you as a person? Do you feel comfortable in their company? Do they listen to you?

Love should be mutual. If it isn't then you are heading for heartache. You can't make another person love you, but you can choose to have the utmost respect for yourself and walk away from the relationship or the situation. I believe that unrequited love is ultimately destructive. It's tough to walk away when you believe you are in love, and maybe you think that the object of your affection may some day feel the same way. Of course that's possible, anything is possible. But in the meantime, do you really want to feel the way you feel knowing that they don't feel that way right now?

Feeling bad about yourself is no way to bring love into your life.

Love Yourself First

Really? Yes! Loving yourself may seem like a hippy dippy nonsense idea with absolutely no substance, but it really is paramount.

Only when you feel real love and respect for yourself can you allow someone else to love you. If you are swamped in feelings of inadequacy then you are not at the point of allowing. You cannot be loved if you have no love for yourself. Everything comes from within. YOU are important, YOU are first best and never forget it!

No Person Should be Responsible For Making You Happy

It's not anyone else's job to make you happy. That's your job and only yours. Nobody has the power to do that for you anyway. Maybe you might get a glimpse of happiness from the other person, and it may even last a week or two.

Ultimately, your long term happiness can only be discovered when you realise that you need to find it all by yourself. When you can be happy alone, then you are ready to be happy with someone else.

Please don't forget that YOU ARE special. You totally deserve to be loved.

When You Can't Let Go Of Someone

It's very difficult to let go of someone when they aren't right for you if you believe you love them or when you really have determined that you do love them.

Love is the best thing when it's mutual. Being in love is magical and amazing and beautiful. That's when you truly know you are in love. If you have these feelings eighty percent of the time, you can consider yourself in LOVE.

If however, you feel rubbish most of the time then you can consider yourself hung-up on something that probably isn't real.


When You Want to Love Someone

Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are near perfect in every way yet we feel something is missing. We want so much to have the whole thing, we want the love part to come naturally and we want to love that person because they are everything....almost.

You cannot make yourself love someone, just as you cannot make another person love you. Love is spontaneous for the most part. I do believe that love can develop over time and that is how some arranged marriages do succeed. But for most of us, we get that hit. I can remember the very point I fell in love. I know it isn't the same for everyone. Sometimes it's a slow burn, but for most of us, we just know.

If you've been with someone for over six months and you just aren't feeling that extra something, then the chances are that you have a deep respect for them but you are not in love with them. The mere fact that you are questioning what it is pretty much determines this point.

I believe a relationship can work without that mad passionate love, but those partnerships are rare if one is looking and hoping for more.

So my advice is this: Love YOU and remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting it all.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      14 months ago from Chicago

      "We want so much to have the whole thing, we want the love part to come naturally and we want to love that person because they are everything....almost."

      This is due in part because of the fairytales, romance novels, and Hollywood movies we have internalized over our lifetime. The simple truth is MOST people are being unrealistic with themselves when it comes to mate selection, love, marriage/companionship.

      "You cannot make yourself love someone, just as you cannot make another person love you. Love is spontaneous for the most part." We choose our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      You get to (choose) who you spend your time with which essentially dictates who you'll eventually fall in love with.

      Like it or not if you're a man who looks like Danny DeVito you probably aren't going to end up with a woman who looks like Halle Berry. Just as if you're a woman who looks like Chrissy Metz odds are against you ending up with a man who looks like Brad Pitt.

      Many women and men feel such an approach to dating and marriage is settling and they refuse to settle. However settling essentially means suspending one's search by choosing the best available option they have.

      It's not as if you had two people standing before you and you decided to settle for the least desirable one. Getting on with the business of building a life with someone, raising a family, traveling, and enjoying companionship is a choice.

      Nice guys finish last because they don't pursue nice girls. (And vice versa).

      Almost everyone has someone nice they have banished to their "friend zone" who probably would make an excellent mate.

      In fact we may have actually told him or her that but we didn't believe they were good enough for us.

      "Isn't it ironic...we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

      - Ellen Hopkins

      "Love isn't finding the perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen

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