How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship
It may be difficult to convince someone to trust you, especially after betrayal. But if the relationship is truly vulnerable, you can rebuild trust, but only if you want to work at it.
A Quick Summary
1. Admitting mistakes
1. Gather your thoughts and reveal everything
2. Apologize
3. Be present and attentive in the conversation
2. Building Trust
4. Become transparent to other person
5. Actions speak louder than words. Be reliable
6. Show how much you care
7. Allow the other person to take some time
8. Don’t be too hard on yourself
1. Admitting Mistakes
1. Gather your thoughts and reveal everything
First of all, admit all of your mistakes. Nothing should be hidden – reveal everything to other person, every part of your lie. If there’s something left and the person you betrayed knows the truth, everything will get only worse as their distrust will run even deeper.
Tell the truth, but don’t expect things to become easier at the moment you admit your betrayal. Probably, what you should expect is an emotional outburst – quite possibly, the person you hurt will be saying things that aren’t helpful in fixing the situation at all. You should take in consideration that it’s hard to think straight in the heat of the moment. It’s better not to attempt to get them to “shut up” but to allow the other person to express hard feelings. You take this person’s feelings seriously, aren’t you? So don’t rush, don’t deny their hurt.
2. Apologize
For your apology to be accepted, make sure you are sincere, as the other person might determine if you are lying. And if they see you don’t truly regret hurting them, they may decide they don’t want to regain trust in you. Explain the situation, avoiding justifying your actions and telling sad tales about yourself. On the contrary, you should demonstrate an acknowledgement of your fault.
- Express your feelings. Tell your friend/loved one how you are feeling. You can say you feel really bad and guilty and you understand it will take some time to rebuild the trust, but you still believe it’s possible to work on repairing your relationship.
- Accept your responsibility by recognizing their hurt. Say what you wish you hadn't done and what you think you should had done instead.
- State your intensions: tell your friend/loved one how much you love and appreciate them, ask them to give you a second chance.
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Think what exactly makes you apologize. Do you apologize out of shame and guilt? Don’t make other person think you apologize out of pity. Unlike guilt and shame, pity makes you look superior to the person you offended, so it isn’t a good sign, it doesn’t put you in a good light either. That means you haven’t realized your mistake.
3. Be present and attentive in the conversation
Remember that conversation has more than one participant; it isn’t only about you but also about other person next to you. Stay present in order to listen and take in what’s being said. Show them you are caring what they think. They are more likely to forgive you if they see you are genuine and you really care.
To show your companion you are really involved in the conversation, use your body language, repeat the main points.
2. Building Trust
4. Become transparent to the other person
Transparency is about being honest and open with information that’s important to the person you want to rebuild trust with. By sharing your personal information, you help the other person understand you aren’t going to betray them again. Of course, it’s extremely important to control your personal information. But such credence may be a good way to fix a relationship.
5. Actions speak louder than words
Be reliable
You want the person to regain trust in you again, aren’t you? Nor only every word you say is important, but your actions also play an extremely important role. Do what you promise you will do - become the person who can be counted on. The person you let down, will believe you have changed and became the person to be relied on again.
6. Show how much you care
When trying to mend a relationship, do even more caring actions than you normally do. It isn’t hard to offer a hug, say things that demonstrate how much you love and care about the other person, to help out with something, isn’t it? So, show your affection, give attention, have an appreciation.
So, now, it’s great that you are willing work on yourself. However, changing yourself too much or even trying to become a completely another person won’t seem genuine.
7. Allow the other person to take some time
Moreover, the person you want to start working on relationships with may need to take some time to heal. They may not call you for a few days, or maybe they will need even more time to recover. All depends on the severity of your fault. Allow them to have the time, don’t rush.
8. Don’t be too hard on yourself
You may feel guilt, sadness, frustration. But every time you get way too emotional, remind yourself you are taking steps to mend the relationship. You let down your friend, made a mistake, but it’s in the past. Now you need to let it go and be present. Be present to fix the relationship and rebuild trust.
