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A long distance relationship - How to make it work

Updated on September 18, 2008

A Long Distance Relationship


Traveling by train or car for hours every weekend, on your way to the one you love. For the one it is annoying despite you want to be close with him or her for the other it's just fine because they don't mind the distance in the relationship either. In practice a long distance relationship can work. Especially when you follow certain "rules".


When you have a long distance relationship it is very important to stay in touch, when possible every day. Your time with each other is rare and you need to communicate and communicate clearly. You don't have those long days together to talk endlessly.

With today's means of communication this can be easy. E-mail, instant messenger, SMS, isn't very expensive and you can let the other know you are thinking about him or her. When you use MSN to talk, it can be more fun to use the webcam. Not to do the things you better do when you are with each other, but because seeing each other when you're talking, just gives that little extra dimension in your conversations and there is less chance on miscommunication. It's more than just lines on your screen.

Life your own live

One thing that is also very important is to do the things you normally would do. You can't just sit around and wait to see your friend and be in touch again. Just sit around and wait and do nothing is frustrating. Go to the gym like you always did, see your friends when you were used to doing that. It's important to be yourself and live your own live.


When you're in a relationship it is hard sometimes to keep in touch with your own friends. Most couples in a long distance relationship are with each other every weekend spending that precious time together. But try to keep in touch with your own friends too. Before they stop asking you along on occasions that were important to you too. A long distance relationship can have a negative effect on your own social live and sooner or later this can lead to discontent.


Probably one of the, most important subjects next to communication is Trust. It's important in every relationship, but more important when there is a long distance relationship. When there is no trust it isn't worth it to continue the relationship. When you're sitting at home night after night worrying what he or she is doing, you'll be driving yourself crazy. I know it's hard when you can't be together but just be honest and open about your feelings from day one. It's important to talk about everything, your wishes and expectations.

The risks

Maybe you know the problems of a long distance relationship.

You'll need the time but also money to tide over the distance between you. Psychologists say that it can work for about two years, but then you'll need to find a structural solution. Not only because of the distance and always being on the road to be able to see each other, but also because of the high expectations you'll have spending your joint time together.

A Happy End?

High traveling expenses, lonely nights without each other, less time for your own friends during the weekends, high phone bills. Is it worth it? Sure, but you need to have the same starting point en be honest about it with each other.

A long distant love can be valuable and worth the trouble when you really love each other. It makes up for the traveling time, because there is nothing more beautiful then to be able to feel and put your arms around your love after spending time apart.


- It's easier to handle the time you're not together when you know how much time there is in between times you'll see each other. Set a ‘deadline' on the time you won't see one another.

- Don't start worrying when the other flirts with someone else. Talk about each others boundaries on that and trust each other.

- Be conscious about the stumbling blocks there will be in the relationship. Often one person put more in the relationship then the other for different reasons. Talk and be clear on that with each other.

- Spend time with your own friends when you're not together. If you're giving up your own social life, it will get frustrating.

- Write nice e-mails, make spontaneous phone calls, don't forget to let the other know you love him or her when you talk with each other. A nice ‘good morning love' sms is a good start.

- Don't blame each other when some things don't go the way you would have liked it. Talk about your expectations, be honest and fair, but don't blame one another when things don't happen.


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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Long distance relationship are hard. I am in one at the moment and only get to be with her twice a year due to visa implications. Even communication on the phones gets to be tough at times aswel. Its more easier dealing problems face to face. Personally i wouldn't recommend a long distance relationship unless its only for a short period and you will be together again on long term.

    • charlottelacar profile image


      8 years ago

      I have been in a long distance relationship too..It's quite difficult at first but as time passed by I have adapted into it. As long as you love one another, distance wouldn't be an issue at all

    • heyju profile image


      8 years ago

      Thanks for the information and the tips...It's hard but I am hanging in there and your hub gave me new hope : )

    • aefrancisco profile image


      8 years ago from somewhere down the road

      Thanks for sharing. This is indeed a good hub. Very informative and surely will help those people who are in long distance relationship. I haven't yet experience one - in terms of intimate relationship. But by reading your hub,I got a better perspective regarding the matter - and aware of things that I must consider - if ever I'll engage with a relationship with someone from afar :)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      my boyfriend will be leaving the end of this month to work in another country and already i am worried. he keeps telling me that we will be ok and as long as we keep the love it will be ok. im still scared as i dont know what it will be like.

    • privateye2500 profile image


      9 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      IMO - the pros nearly equal the cons to a tee.

      baby girl - you have hit the nail on the head in oh sooooo Many ways!

      jackie - maybe he's married.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Long distance relationships are not easy to mantain it is very difficulty to be in a relationship like this through exprience i wouldn't like to keep a distance from my love . Truely speaking this kind of relationship will not work

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Netherlands

      Dear Jackie...You can't change it just by yourself, in a relationship both have to be willing. It almost sounds like you've started to feel unhappy ... What does your heart say?

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Im in a long distance relationship right now and it's at that hard point where everything is starting to get old. I want to work on changing the relationship up and I've been trying but my boyfriend doesn't seem like he wants to try. I've asked him many many times if he really wants to make it work but all I get is "I don't know" and "I don't know what I want". Im so lost and I really want to make this work. I just don't know what to do anymore.

    • stormskeep profile image


      9 years ago

      Long distance relationships are hard, it takes both sides to make it work. I know this beause the man I love with all my heart lives 800miles away. We long for the day that we can be together and hold each other. Dont give up Hope and hold on to Faith that your true love will shine true.

    • profile image

      little baby girl 

      9 years ago

      i think and feel my relationship always this died we live on place diferent are together 5 year and pass 2 year what him no me visit now what this for i move for where him live and marred on 6 month him this very stranger,agressive, dont me understand nothing him like on me inow am 28 age old and him 46 age old

      when i meet him wow perfect man this maybe 3 year still same much sweet him me teacher much about this life and really ilove him much.i am a woman latin very beautiful can have many man or man what desire more never make this.pass this 5 year dream in our be together happy marred buy one family

      more him no will more nothing good on me this yeah him me visit wowwwww when i will in aiplane me feel woman more happy than world.

      when him back usa me say no like on nothing on say i talk child,what i this more fat,sex bad this have maybe 30 days i lose all kilos extra i find back my body normal.more me feel down

      him still say me love more when we talk online him desire say afst and off or say only neeed photo mine naked be i no give him off computer say are tired

      i call for him know what happen and him talk cold say i give problem i am very sweet woman i dont know more nothing him this make my mind confuse always

      more this my limit.i this think of finsih marred one different person what really me love how i am me me give valour

      how him pass 2 year no me touch when me touch i feel one little pain on sex normal be i no make sex long time so make sex with him

      him me say are frustade because my sex now bad

      i love him more i know be him me lost never go find onw woman how i have paciencie respect love desire him how husband.

      i this frustrating and very sad also

    • Magic Making Up profile image

      Magic Making Up 

      9 years ago

      Lazur, great advice you have here. Long distance relationships can really take its toll sometimes and like in any other partnership, it takes two to tango.

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      You're absolutely right Kring. But I also think that's not just the case with a long distance relationship, but with a relationship in general. You both have to be willing to make it work:)

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      long distance relationship cn work only if you're both willing. it's just that you just have to beat the odds. if you really want it then you can make it happen. just trust each other and keep the love alive. :)

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      Yes indeed it's difficult, I know. When you love someone...But maybe, just maybe I'm going to move soon and then the long distance will become a much shorter distance:)

      Thank you betherickson and A. Jill:)

    • profile image

      A. Jill 

      10 years ago

      A good blog. I've been in a long distance relationship for 5 years. There have been times that it seemed it wouldn't survive the challenges of not being together. I honestly don't recommend it as a preferred relationship style...but when you love each other and can't be together, what are you going to do??

    • betherickson profile image


      10 years ago from Minnesota

      If being in a relationship is difficult, it's even more difficult if you have this distance between you. Since a good relationship will involve the presence of each other, some things have to be done to give time to the other.


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