A long distance relationship - How to make it work
A Long Distance Relationship
Traveling by train or car for hours every weekend, on your way to the one you love. For the one it is annoying despite you want to be close with him or her for the other it's just fine because they don't mind the distance in the relationship either. In practice a long distance relationship can work. Especially when you follow certain "rules".
When you have a long distance relationship it is very important to stay in touch, when possible every day. Your time with each other is rare and you need to communicate and communicate clearly. You don't have those long days together to talk endlessly.
With today's means of communication this can be easy. E-mail, instant messenger, SMS, isn't very expensive and you can let the other know you are thinking about him or her. When you use MSN to talk, it can be more fun to use the webcam. Not to do the things you better do when you are with each other, but because seeing each other when you're talking, just gives that little extra dimension in your conversations and there is less chance on miscommunication. It's more than just lines on your screen.
Life your own live
One thing that is also very important is to do the things you normally would do. You can't just sit around and wait to see your friend and be in touch again. Just sit around and wait and do nothing is frustrating. Go to the gym like you always did, see your friends when you were used to doing that. It's important to be yourself and live your own live.
When you're in a relationship it is hard sometimes to keep in touch with your own friends. Most couples in a long distance relationship are with each other every weekend spending that precious time together. But try to keep in touch with your own friends too. Before they stop asking you along on occasions that were important to you too. A long distance relationship can have a negative effect on your own social live and sooner or later this can lead to discontent.
Probably one of the, most important subjects next to communication is Trust. It's important in every relationship, but more important when there is a long distance relationship. When there is no trust it isn't worth it to continue the relationship. When you're sitting at home night after night worrying what he or she is doing, you'll be driving yourself crazy. I know it's hard when you can't be together but just be honest and open about your feelings from day one. It's important to talk about everything, your wishes and expectations.
Maybe you know the problems of a long distance relationship.
You'll need the time but also money to tide over the distance between you. Psychologists say that it can work for about two years, but then you'll need to find a structural solution. Not only because of the distance and always being on the road to be able to see each other, but also because of the high expectations you'll have spending your joint time together.
A Happy End?
High traveling expenses, lonely nights without each other, less time for your own friends during the weekends, high phone bills. Is it worth it? Sure, but you need to have the same starting point en be honest about it with each other.
A long distant love can be valuable and worth the trouble when you really love each other. It makes up for the traveling time, because there is nothing more beautiful then to be able to feel and put your arms around your love after spending time apart.
- It's easier to handle the time you're not together when you know how much time there is in between times you'll see each other. Set a ‘deadline' on the time you won't see one another.
- Don't start worrying when the other flirts with someone else. Talk about each others boundaries on that and trust each other.
- Be conscious about the stumbling blocks there will be in the relationship. Often one person put more in the relationship then the other for different reasons. Talk and be clear on that with each other.
- Spend time with your own friends when you're not together. If you're giving up your own social life, it will get frustrating.
- Write nice e-mails, make spontaneous phone calls, don't forget to let the other know you love him or her when you talk with each other. A nice ‘good morning love' sms is a good start.
- Don't blame each other when some things don't go the way you would have liked it. Talk about your expectations, be honest and fair, but don't blame one another when things don't happen.