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How to Make Her Your Girlfriend - From Fling to "Serious Thing"

Updated on March 30, 2017

She's beautiful... she's amazing... you can't stop thinking about her... and she also likes you back...

Awesome.

But now you ask... "how do you make her your "OFFICIAL" girlfriend?"

How do you make her ALL YOURS?

In this Q&A session article I cover how to go from a "fling" to a "serious thing."

This means that if there's a girl you like who also likes you, I will
show you how to make her your girlfriend officially.

You will learn...

  • How to date a girl the right way (you're probably doing it wrong)
  • The specific behaviors that flip the "love" switch in a girl's mind and make her want you as her boyfriend
  • The BIG mistake that ruins your chances to become boyfriend and girlfriend with a girl you're seeing.

Okay, here's the first Q&A question...

***Question***

I told a girl I liked her and she said she liked me back, we have been on and off for 4 years. She said she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship and when I ask her to start speaking like bf and gf, and she says she doesn’t know.

Is this a polite way to say she doesn’t like me and put me in the friend zone or do you think she has not made her mind up or anything else. Thank you for your help its eating me alive trying to figure this out.

– Vince

>>>My Comments

Look Vince, this girl is really into you. She LIKES YOU man!

This means that you did SOMETHING in the past to get her attracted.

Good job!

However, you are ruining it by acting too much like a woman.

See, you are too focused on getting into a "relationship" with this girl. And this is making you WEAK and unattractive.

Because when you worry about not having a girl as your girlfriend, you get into a fearful state of mind that affects your behavior around her.

When you are constantly worried, it's hard to have fun with her. You can't be "in the moment." Your fearful state of mind holds you back from having fun.

And this "in the moment" FUN is what makes you ATTRACTIVE.

This is the same reason having "oneitis" with a girl makes you do unattractive behaviors.
You get too much in your head and you are unable to let out your positive emotions.

However, it's not your fault.

See, ever since we are little boys, we are brainwashed by movies on how "love" is supposed to happen.

Over and over again, romantic comedies implant a story in our brain of how the nice guy makes the "BIG MOVE" that gets the girl to like him.

Maybe he gets her flowers... or buys her a gift... or maybe her stands outside her window with a jukebox on his head blasting Peter Gabriel tunes.

But the notion that you have to make a "grand gesture" to get the girl is what gets you into trouble.

Because, early on, whenever you suddenly start getting serious, or sharing your feelings, or suggesting you want a future "relationship" with a girl... it usually scares the woman and TURNS HER OFF.

She'll begin to feel that she is losing her freedom... and will no longer see you as the "fun guy."

Attraction. Over.

As you'll soon find out, behaviors like trying to "lock" the woman into a relationship are actually FEMININE in nature, and as a result... they ruin the masculine-feminine polarity that creates CHEMISTRY between the two of you.

So when you go from acting like a secure masculine man, to acting like a worried little girl... she loses ALL attraction for you.

That's why when it's early, you should never get into "serious relationship" mode.

Instead, only focus on creating FUN opportunities for sex to happen.

Hang out, have fun, and hook up... with no attachments or "needy" expectations.

And now you might ask... how do you actually make her your girlfriend?

How to Turn a Fling Into Your Girlfriend

If you...

  • Correctly make dates (about once a week)...
  • Focus only on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up...
  • Avoid talking about "feelings"...the possibility of you two getting official... or anything "serious" like that...
  • Never get emotionally needy to make her your girlfriend...

...then she will slowly become more and more attracted to you over time.

Once she gets to the point that she's attracted enough, she will start asking questions about "us"... because SHE will be the one wanting to lock you down into a relationship.

Make sense?

I hope it does.

If you resonated with that advice, you will relate with the next "how to make her your girlfriend" question from a student.


***Question***

Things Between us Aren’t Getting Serious…How Do I Make Her My Girlfriend?

I took this girl out one Friday night, she was awesome and we related on a lot of things. Throughout the night, I was being myself, and from her body language I can tell she was herself as well. I could tell we both were into each other.

Towards the end of it, I dropped her off and went to give her a hug goodnight, and then it just eventually turned into a kiss session. I think it was a build-up for how we both were having a really good time and when it happened, we both seemed to be into it.

Ever since then, we’ve spoken here and there but not enough to make it seem like things are getting kind of serious. I’ve been split from my ex for a while and I’m ready to get back into seeing new people, but I just get so unmotivated at the thought of anything “relationship” wise sometimes…

But this girl just seems to be a really awesome person, and if I ask her out to do whatever, I will bring up that moment when our kiss just happened and see where it goes from there.

Is it worth it?

– Joseph

>>>My Comments

Hey Joseph, you started off great.

You only focused on hanging out and having fun... and it got her attracted to you.

But now you're getting into the kind of thinking that messes you up!

See, you are asking "how do I make things serious" where you should simply relax and create more fun experiences with her.

Here's a Secret Most Men Will Never Know:

If you like a girl... trying to show her that you'd be a "great boyfriend" usually BACKFIRES.

In other words, aiming for her "boyfriend zone" only gets you to the "just friends zone."

So no, don't try to go for the serious relationship by demonstrating your boyfriend qualities.

Instead, go for the "LOVER ZONE" by demonstrating your lover qualities.

How?

By just focusing on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.

*"But then she'll think I only want sex" I can hear you asking*

I will let you in on a little secret.

It's OK if a woman thinks you want her for sex.

Actually, it's better when she does.

Huh??

See, one thing I've seen over and over again through several years studying "women and dating" is that girls who end up a relationship with a guy only thought he wanted her for fun at the beginning.

This means that even if you want to be her boyfriend... aim for the "lover zone" first. Only focus on creating fun opportunities for sex to happen... all while detached from the outcome of making her your girlfriend.

This is easier said than done. I know...

Especially when your emotions kick in and you start having thoughts of "this girl is special."

Catching these feels give you an urgency to make her your girlfriend... before another guy gets her.

But once you start acting like you want to be her boyfriend, and you feel that you really need to cage her into a relationship with you... just so that you feel secure... she starts sensing that you're WEAK and her attraction for you quickly fades.

That's why it's SO important to shift your dependence from "external validation" to "internal validation."

Meaning, don't depend on women liking you to feel self-validated. Make your self-validation and positive emotions come from inside.

Comments

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      19 months ago

      Question #1

      "I told a girl I liked her and she said she liked me back,..."

      First of all Vince it sounds like you're still in grade or junior high school! And if that's the case you shouldn't want to be tied down either! Youth is about learning and exploring. Having said that in order for (her) to be "the one" she would have see (you) as being "the one"!

      At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa).

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      When someone loves or into you they're not indecisive. Thankfully we live on a planet with 7 Billion other people to choose from! Best wishes!

      Question # 2

      "...if I ask her out to do whatever, I will bring up that moment when our kiss just happened and see where it goes from there." WRONG!!!

      "Instead, go for the "LOVER ZONE" by demonstrating your lover qualities." - Great advice!

      The first time your "kiss session" you simply made your move. Don't talk about it just lean in and go for it. If a woman is into you she will kiss you back and if she's not she won't.

      Most women frown upon guys who lack self-confidence or come off too "nice". You can stick a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she does not exist.

      That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's a challenge, a mystery, and she has find a way to (earn) his attention and affections. If she knows other women like him that just makes her want to compete even harder to win him over.

      When you're still in the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship that's the time to be bold. If she's into you it's great and if she's not that's also good too because rejection will save you time that you could have been investing on another woman who is into you!

      Lastly you mentioned you recently broke up with your ex. Make sure date a few women before determining whether or not you want to jump into another exclusive relationship.

      In fact the person's qualities you're with should determine whether or not they are "relationship material". Your goal should be to find the "right one" not the "next one".

      Too many people say:

      "I'm ready to settle down." without having yet met anyone!

      This puts pressure on their every dating opportunity. Instead of just having (fun) getting to know someone and allowing things to (evolve) they attempt to "fast forward" from casual dating to exclusive relationship without taking the time to get to know whether or not the person is "right" for them.

      These leads to trying to put a square peg into a round hole.

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. Confidently go for the romance and fun first.

      It's easier to become friends with an ex lover than it is to go from the "friend zone" to being lovers.

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