How to Put Yourself First Without Putting Others Last
A scenario that plays in my mind often is one that's familiar to all aeroplane users. I'm sure you're aware of how stewards and stewardesses remind us to wear life jackets for ourselves before helping our children or family members.
Indeed, we sometimes have to prioritise our needs before we can look after others around us. This seems self-serving, but consider it helping oneself with a purpose—to be on hand for others.
When to Prioritize Our Needs
Meeting our needs over others is crucial for ensuring our well-being and living life effectively. Here are some circumstances in which it is necessary to put our needs first.
Emergencies
If you're in a crisis, putting your needs first is vital. Again, consider the aeroplane scenario. We cannot assist our loved ones if we don't survive ourselves.
Physical or mental health
Taking care of your health, both physical and mental, is essential for overall well-being. It's essential to prioritise self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, having proper meals, exercising, and, when necessary, seeking professional help.
Setting boundaries
At times, putting ourselves first means setting boundaries with others to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. This could involve saying no to additional commitments or addressing behaviors that are harmful to you.
Where and when you can, enforce these boundaries at work. Should colleagues try to offload assignments on you when you have no ability to take them on, there's no shame in a 'no.'
Personal goals and aspirations:
There are activities that you might like to pursue because they align with your long-term purposes or goals. If your passion calls strongly, there are occasions when it is alright to put them first while others' needs are on hold. Prioritising exercise, for example, is essential while others wait a short while for you to cook a meal.
Financial stability
Being financially secure is essential for your survival and well-being. Ensuring your financial well-being may involve decisions that put others in second place. For example, you may not want to lend money to a friend if you need it to pay an electricity bill.
When to Put the Needs of Others First
Of course, there are times when meeting the needs of others is a must. Doing so is essential for fostering healthy relationships, fostering empathy, and contributing to the well-being of those around us. Here are some situations where putting others' needs first is appropriate.
Acts of kindness and compassion
Everyone needs a listening ear. Showing empathy and compassion towards others involves meeting their needs and offering support, whether it's providing physical assistance,or emotional comfort.
Supporting loved ones
Of course, fulfilling the needs of family members and friends nurtures bonds and builds rapport. This might involve being present during challenging times, celebrating their successes, or just offering assistance when they need it.
Teamwork and collaboration
We work collaboratively much of the time. In group settings, prioritizing the needs of others may be necessary for effective teamwork and collaboration. This includes listening to others' viewpoints, considering their input, and working together towards common goals.
Professional relationships
Work comprises a significant part of our lives. Emphasising the needs of colleagues, clients, or customers fosters a positive work environment and contributes to overall productivity and success. This could involve offering help, providing guidance, or accommodating their needs to enable collaboration and mutual growth.
Crisis or emergency situations:
In times of crisis or emergency, ensuring the needs of others may be imperative for safety and well-being. This could involve providing immediate assistance, offering resources, or coordinating efforts to address the situation.
How do we balance our needs with those of others
Balancing our own needs with the needs of others is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies for prioritizing your needs without forgetting the needs of others.
Practice self-awareness
It's imperative to understand your needs, limitations, and boundaries. If your neighbor asks you to babysit for her and you have other, more pressing priorities, it is alright to decline her with a polite 'sorry, but I cannot help you." Recognise when you need to exercise self-care and take steps to address your own well-being proactively.
Communicate openly
Communicate your needs and boundaries clearly, politely, gently, yet assertively. Encourage open communication in your relationships to ensure that everyone's needs are heard and respected.
If there is a disagreement among friends, agreeing to disagree is perfectly fine. Know that no two people share perspectives to an ideal T.
Set healthy boundaries
Establish boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritise activities that are in sync with your goals and aspirations.
I would, of course, like to take on as many classes as possible as a teacher. That said, family is a priority, and so is time. To ensure that I've got enough time to prepare dinner, I do not teach classes that are too late in the evening.
Practice empathy
Put yourself in others' shoes and consider their perspectives, needs, and feelings. Strive to understand and validate their experiences while being an advocate for your personal needs. If you may not be able to eat what a friend prepares for you because you have dietary needs, let them know ahead of time so that the cooking is less onerous.
Seek compromise and collaboration
Look for win-win solutions that meet both your needs and those of others. Practice collaboration and cooperation in finding solutions that are mutually beneficial. If the family can eat at a restaurant where dad can enjoy fried chicken while mum indulges in a healthy salad, why not?
Prioritise self-care
Prioritise self-care and make it a part of your daily routine. Set aside time for activities that recharge and revitalise you, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.
Be flexible
Recognise that prioritising your needs doesn't always mean putting them above the needs of others. Be flexible and willing to adjust your priorities based on the situation and the needs of those around you. If our workout session has to wait an hour because dad has to have an early dinner, try to accommodate that.
Delegate tasks
Delegate responsibilities and tasks to others when appropriate to lighten your load and create space to fulfill your own needs.That said, we must not compromise the needs of others - don't force them to take on tasks that they have no ability or clear inclination for.
Seek support
Reach out to friends, family members, or professionals for support when you need it. A strong support network allows you to navigate challenges, meet your needs, and be there for others too.
Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself. Recognise that putting your needs and well-being first, at times, is essential. Practice self-compassion and let go of guilt or self-judgement when making decisions that emphasise your well-being.
That said, accommodating the needs of others at the same time can be an ideal way of balancing everyone's priorities.
By putting these strategies in place, you can prioritise your needs effectively while being mindful of the needs of others. It's possible to cultivate healthy relationships and meet your needs.
