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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How to Attract a Guy That's Worth Attracting
From a Guy's Perspective
Ladies, I thought you would appreciate this information about how to attract a guy coming straight from the source: a guy. Of course, you have no way of knowing whether I am "worth attracting", but my amazing wife seems to think so, and that's evidence enough for me! But my plan is not at all to write about what attracts ME, because that would do none of you any good. This is about YOU and what you can do to increase your chances of finding a guy that's worth keeping around.
Know the Messages You are Sending
The key idea behind most of the suggestions I will offer is this: Know what messages you are sending. Be aware of what your actions and the way you carry yourself are saying to those around you. I'm not sure us men are given enough credit for how well we can pick up on these things, but we can. And then we use that information to make the decision to either pursue or bolt. We are more sensitive than you think! In addition to knowing what messages you are sending, there are some other things to keep in mind for how to attract a guy you actually want to attract. Before I give it all away, read below and see if you're covering all of your bases. If you notice something missing that worked really well for you, please feel free to share it in the comments below. The more help the better! (P.S. My wife approved of everything you will read!)
How Do You Dress?
The way each person dresses sends a message about who they are; whether they are aware of it or not. What kind of guy are you attracting with the way you dress? For example, if you are dressing like the woman in the picture to the right, you may be barking up a different tree than someone who wants to know how to attract a guy who appreciates more modesty. Trust me, guys notice girls who dress modestly too. It is sometimes actually more attractive for a woman to show less skin because it tells us something about the nature of her character. When considering who would make a good long-term mate, "modest" may actually be "hottest". With that said, of course you still want to dress in a way that is presentable and attractive. You can really leave a mark in a guy's memory by "wowing" him with a special outfit that flatters you appropriately. I still remember outfits my wife wore nearly ten years ago!
How Do You Take Care of Your Body?
This is not about being Ms. Exercise or Ms. Diet. It is about realizing what kind of guy you are attracting by the way you take care of your self/health/body. If you are looking for a guy who does not care about exercise or staying fit, then you may not need to worry about that as much when figuring out how to attract a guy that is right for you. On the other hand, if you value health and you want your man to value it similarly by keeping a certain figure or taking sufficient care of himself, then hold yourself to the same standard! If you are scarfing down bon-bons, sitting on the couch all day and you expect your guy to look like Channing Tatum, then something needs to change. Either it's your lifestyle or your expectations, but whatever it is, don't wait!
How Do You Interact with People?
I'm talking about interactions with both men and women here. Yes, we notice how you get along with other women too. Allow me to allude to a past season of "The Bachelor," where Ben was having trouble reconciling the fact that Courtney did not get along with the other girls. Yes, I understand he ended up ignoring all of our advice and choosing her in the end, but let's face it, we all know he's crazy and they're never going to last. The point is that being able to get along with other people and maintain healthy friendships is a serious matter!
I'm not going to tell you exactly how you should communicate with people, because you may be totally different than me. I just want you to be aware that the persona you portray is important and will affect who wants to be around you. Being successful with attracting someone may actually start with getting along with other people first! Whatever you do, don't try to be somebody you are simply not. You don't have to be happy and bubbly all the time to get a guy to notice you. Believe it or not, we can spot you shy ones too. Of course, if you never smile or just always have a scowl on your face, that may need to change!
Where Are You Looking?
This may be the most key principle of all. If you are not looking in the right places, you are not going to find what you are looking for! That makes sense, right? Before figuring out what places to go, you have to first figure out what kind of guy you're looking for, then decide where HE would be, and go there. You may know perfectly well how to attract a guy, but if you don't ever meet the right one, it doesn't matter! Now, I understand that some couples meet at seemingly random places and times, but the circumstances that brought them together are often less "random" than we may think. For example, if a couple meets at college, they both apparently had sufficient resources and valued education enough to get them there. Of course, there are a lot of other blanks to fill in before a match is made in heaven, but that is a good place to start for them to potentially find other things in common. So, if you want to meet a good Christian guy, then get out of the bars and go to church! If you want to meet a wild man who drinks and smokes, then get out of church and go to the bars! Again, you are not guaranteed a match, but you're definitely improving your chances by putting yourself in specific situations that best fit your guy's profile. Be intentional!
What is Your Home Like?
If you brought a guy home and he saw your place (which you will have to do at some point if the relationship ends up going anywhere), would that be okay with you? Are you looking for a guy who values cleanliness in the upkeep of his home, or is that not as important to you? I will go ahead and say this though: If you're bringing a guy over to your place for the first time (or even the first few times), you'll want to make somewhat of an effort to spruce up a bit. Even if he doesn't keep his own place tidy when company is not around, he will probably clean up for you while you're still "company". If he is the right guy for you, you will hopefully make the transition out of that category of "company" soon. As soon as you do, you can get a better idea of what his home life is really like! By the same token, be aware of how you manage and prepare your own place. Habits are easy to form, but very difficult to break.
How Many Different Guys Have You Dated?
Don't Be Too Selective
I know you've heard this one before, but it goes back to the age-old question of "Is there truly only one person in the entire world that I could potentially have a meaningful, long-lasting, committed relationship with?" If the answer is yes, then how can you ever be sure that anybody is "the one"? That's so much pressure! But if the answer is no, then you start to understand that healthy relationships are much more about mutual commitment and honesty than somehow (by fate or luck or whatever you want to call it) finding "the perfect soul mate". There are actually plenty of us out there who are remarkably similar! I won't say there are any two just alike, but you can get pretty darn close. You see, it's not so much about knowing how to attract A guy as much as it is being able to attract a certain class, or type, of "guy".
No More Excuses!
I'm not going to say you're not trying hard enough, because I know better than that. Some people just have to wait longer than others to find Mr. Right. However, there are legitimate and effective strategies for how to attract a guy that you can use and will greatly increase your chances of entering into a meaningful relationship. Notice I did not say "guarantee". Love is not a direct science, but there is a degree of science to it. Improve your odds of finding the guy that is right for you by being aware of how you present yourself and how your actions may be interpreted by others. If, after a little self-reflection, you can't think of anything that needs to change, it may be a good idea to ask a close friend that you trust to give you some honest feedback. Sometimes all we need is a little kick in the pants to get us going in the right direction!