- Gender and Relationships»
husbands be responsible
The Problem, as I see it.
I have noticed how, far too many men behave totally inappropriately as husbands, these days. It may well have always be the same, but that does not make it right. Perhaps it's a product of our society, maybe not, but in any case, it is not good. What am I referring to?
Basically I see two issues that I wish to address.
- Acting as though they were still single, &
- Abdicating all parental responsibility to the wife.
You are married now
1. Acting as though you were still single.
All I can say is,YOU'RE NOT single any more.
It seems, guys do the "guy thing", when they are single. I could not possibly list all the "guy things" we (can) do, but just by way of example, I will mention a few.
- Hanging out together after work at the bar
- Going off to the game
- Watching the game all weekend
- taking off for the weekend with the guys
The idea of getting married is (at least partially) to NOT be single any more. Whatever reason you married the woman, is not really the issue. The fact that you did, is the real issue. Whatever the reason, it ultimately established the two as one. Your wife becomes as important to you as you are important to you. Actually, it should be greater than you. She, and her wellbeing is of higher priority that your own. Put her first!
2. Secondly, many men find parenting, (fatherhood) too hard, so, instead of doing what it takes, just "let her do it". This is probably a far bigger issue than it appears, because we have a generation of men who are merely biological fathers, but are absent emotionally. The task is too hard (so they think), and instead off learning what and how to do, they quit. Emotionally, they are "out to lunch". Or, as in the previous scenario, out with the guys. "Let mum do it all."
It takes two to make one (baby), and it should take two to raise one into an adult. this is not an issue I want to address here, but merely wanting to draw attention to the problem. As it has often been said, it's one thing to be a father, but altogether another to be a dad. You can be a dad, even if you have no clue. Just being willing to have a go, is usually the best start you can make. It's amazing what "comes naturally", given an opportunity to just do!
I remember how much material I devoured as a young dad. I read books and books on the subject. Went to parenting classes, seminars and group sessions. Just because I wanted to be a good dad. I didn't want to be a father like mine was. I wanted to be better.
I was pretty unusual for my generation, especially amongst our friends. I had a go at everything from bathing the baby to changing soiled nappies/diapers, to feeding to reading bedtime stories. I honestly tried (and did ok) just about everything in raising kids. None of the men in our social circle did what I did. I guess I never had an issue with maintaing any masks to appear socially acceptable. I could care less what they thought of me. One thing I can say, is that I thoroughly enjoyed the whole package. I loved my girls from babies till now. I'm loving their babies, and doing as much with them as I did with my own. Of course, I don't see them daily, but just as I wanted to be a great dad, I want now to be a great granddad.
You see, it's not what your mates think about you that really counts. It's what does your wife think about you? What do your kids think about you? Just out of curiosity, who do you think will be there by your side when you are failing, sick or dying? Yes, some of your mates may show up, but it's your wife and kids that will be the most valuable to you in your time of need. That sort of thing money can't buy, nor does it develop overnight. You do a little every day, to build that kind of relationship.