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Is infidelity only related to extramarital sexual encounters?

Updated on July 31, 2011

Infidelity is considered as the worst betrayal of a partner and it is thought that the infidel is guilty of grave damage to the marital relationship, since it is assumed that in any relationship especially marital relationships, you should be totally loyal to your partner to live a good marital life. Generally, it is thought that infidelity is related only to extramarital sexual encounters, but this is not the case. After going through a lot of romance and sex forums and reading personal experiences on infidelity issues of many people around the world, I have come to the conclusion that infidelity crises or problems in the couple not only develop due to sexual encounters but also due to the search for what you do not find in your partner, for example intellectual aspects, physical well being, emotional respect for the other partner, unhygienic conditions, economic aspects of your partner, etc. So in order to understand a little bit more about infidelity, we must say that infidelity exist in relationships where there is a couple, may be dating, living together as in live in relationships, married, etc. so that there is some commitment and when that commitment is broken, then infidelity takes place. Infidelity affects the relationship of a couple and it is true. Some people say that “I can ignore that and I am so broad-minded and not matter wherever my wife goes in the daytime but at night, she is with me” but this is not the case because these things are readymade and not original and if that person puts a hand on his/her heart and then he/she can understand well that there is something wrong going on in his/her life because betrayal is betrayal and breaking of boundaries hurts.

Five Moments Of Infidelity trailer

How infidelity takes birth?

Infidelity stems in part by our society as we grow up and are educated to think that monogamy is the type of relationship in which we live and therefore we have many types of arguments. Factors keep on shaping the moral education, values, customs, norms, modes of behavior, etc. and people are educated as to what we know as a "normal" behavior (normal we mean that within the prevailing social norm) and normal in our society that we live in pairs, again we must take into account that there are other ways, beliefs, values, and customs. So far, so clear, but the problem comes when we realize that people sometimes ask things opposed to what was expected, especially in aspects related to the passion and love. The passion that sometimes disappears or changes and the love that disappears when the routine and monotony are filling the pair of bonds, deception, miscommunication, poor economy, poor health, etc. and due to these conditions, the birth of infidelity takes place breaking all the barriers of social norms, customs, and value, breaking all boundaries towards a life of betrayal and disrespect for their partners engaging in extramarital relations or extra partners, whether sexual or emotional. We all understand that infidelity is a relationship that is against partnership commitments as it had been agreed to be together both sexually and emotionally to each other exclusively at the time of marriage or starting a relationship.


But do you think it all ends here? Do you think these are the only factors that cause infidelity?   


Contrary to what many think, not a single factor but a set of factors depend on each person and each situation and is therefore very difficult to define the cause of infidelity on a personal level. What if you can advance to understand the factors that predispose people to infidelity: One factor that causes infidelity refers to choosing one's partner .- It is important to note that it is not at all certain that we freely choose the partner, as usually the "decision" is given by factors restricted to the circle at which we develop, that is the case because the choice is not random but is highly determined in accordance with the activities we do, which allows us to "know" or relate to other people. There are even theories that tell us that we are attracted to people who perform activities similar to us, such is the case of relationships that develop at school, at work, at the gym, in the circles of friends, etc.

Two examples of infidelity

Usually in intimate relationships where episodes of infidelity produce forms of love and hate or love and pain, this is because we assume that the other partner "must" meet our needs, which often occurs at an unconscious level. The requirements are comprehensive including stress, economic, care, love, sex, protection, fidelity, and so on. For example, if we take an example of a martial relationship in India where for example husband becomes the boss and is always talking about his own personal needs like daily sex, food at proper time, discipline in the family, and treats wife as a maid, what a wife does. Whenever wife gets a chance to meet old friends and finds someone to whom she can disclose her sufferings and that person also has similar story and then become very close friends due to similar cause and then that relationship converts into an extramarital affair and that turns out to be infidelity in the husband’s eyes.

In another example, there is a couple in which wife is a dictator and always overrules her husband’s wishes and suggestions and than after a long time of sufferings what happens is that husband starts looking out for other options as he does not find love and affection from his wife. If kids are there, the relationship continues for a long time but if kids are not there, marital relationships break in a moment. It may be that the mate choice is based on a desire to avoid depression or not wanting to be "alone with himself or herself" and this makes the election to be of analytical and when you discover that your partner is not seeking any solutions to your problems, then you will start looking out for an extra connection.

The above situations refer to unhealthy couple selections at the time of marriage as they are not united together and these situations are not good for a relationship to run for a long time.

At the time of infidelity, what seemed to be love, turns into frustration, anger, and hatred with the partner, which may trigger the search for a lover who is totally opposite to what is the former partner and consequences of this hatred and our pain is so great that many of the times, this leads to romance and then extramarital sexual encounters. Because it provides an emotional outlet, sometimes this can continue in the relationship up and until the former partner is unknown of the situation.

Solution of infedility

So far, I have given an overview of some of the causes of infidelity and after this, I would say that it is necessary to maintain a good relationship, establish some independence and autonomy between partners, for which one should consider:

1. To maintain good effective communication between each other.

2. Create love and affection for each other even if it is not possible because of different views and ideas but my dear it is a normal human nature that when one person sacrifices his/her wishes for the person, the other person’s heart begins to melt and the flower of love spreads its petals to harvest joy and happiness.

3. Giving time to your partner is really important.

4. Appreciation for work done by your partner is equally important.

So last but not least, I would again say that infidelity is not only related to extramarital sexual encounters but related to many more things and the person who is going through these situations should consider the four points mentioned above and all hatred will turn into joy, happiness, and commitment.

For guys and gals who are searching for their partners, best of luck to all of you. May you find your perfect soul on this Valentine’s Day.


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    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Thanks Kamran for understanding the concept of this hub after a thorough reading. I appreciate your comments on my other hubs on relationships.

    • Kamran100 profile image


      11 years ago

      nice and informative hub. as a problem solveing point of view its a nice information.write it very well

    • gramon1 profile image

      Guillermo Ramon 

      11 years ago from Miami

      This happens in South America and central America. It still happens today. But overall, it does not happen in the US. the US is a mesh of lifestyles, cultures, and traditions. However, the feudal traditions still in existence in Latin America are not acceptable here. This is in great part why I migrated to the United States around 30 yars ago. I love our culture, with its diversity and its standards. Here, hard work and honesty are valued much above family name. Here choice means to really decided what our lives are about. Here, women are respected as persons and as women. A woman does not need to be protected or supervised by men. Here, a person does not have to get married or accept the life style his or her parents desire. These are just a few of the things that made me fall in love with this country.

      Any way, I don't want to redirect your post. It is just that a lot of what people from India mention is very similar to what I left behind. I guess you have a very interesting society. I love Bollywood, Tollywood, and Kollywood movies. Your dances, music, theatrical traditions, literature, fine art, and history have totally captivated me.

    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Yes gramon1, this had been an old tradition in Indian villages also. Here also landlords used to exploit women peasants and other workers for sex and pleasure. I think the same you are talking about happening in South America. thanks for letting me know about this as I did not knew that the same is condition in US also.

    • gramon1 profile image

      Guillermo Ramon 

      11 years ago from Miami

      So far as I know, when couples stay bound by the children tend to be miserable. My parents and grand parents belonged to that group. they would have been much happier with someone else. In their cases, infidelity was out of the question, for social reasons. Since I was the child of a miserable marriage and my mother was also the child of another miserable marriage, I always recommend divorce, if nothing else, for the children's sake.

      Regarding infidelity, I grew up in south america. Over there, it is quite acceptable for men to have extra marital relationships. Many men even support their official family and their mistresses families. If they are very rich, they may have several mistresses. Even farther, in large haciendas, the owners tend to have sex with any of the pesant women that work for them. I have known men that have over 100 children with their serves. They tend to accept the children as illegitimate, but of higher station than the other serves. On the other hand, if a "lady" strays, her husband will probably kill her. On the other hand, the husband of the pesant woman normally has to resign himself to have his woman "used" by the landlord. In exchange, he will probably get favors, such as gifts, money, access to the main house and the "feudal" lord.

      When it comes to infidelity, there are many norms and beliefs that mediate its consequences.

    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Yes ocbill, kids become the bounding chains of and in these types of relationships. Kids also bring back the happiness and joy and sometimes build up broken relationships and unite couples or parents in a responsible bond and smart parents try to live a life together just due to kids because they do not want to ruin the life of them.

    • ocbill profile image


      11 years ago from hopefully somewhere peaceful and nice

      I have witnessed some of these relatinships & it is bad for the kids involved possibly due to the biased marriage laws so the husband/father does not want to get a divorce right away.

    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Yes I agree Ethel. Congrats for 37 years of commitment with your partner dear. May you both be together longer.

    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      11 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      The marriege certificate has nothing to do with it. If you have made a committment to someone then be true to them.

      By the way I have been married 37 years

    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      It's my pleasure Bhawna. Thanks for the good read.

    • Bhawna Sharma profile image

      Bhawna Sharma 

      11 years ago from Mumbai, India

      Very thorough article. I liked that you considered other aspects of infidelity too apart from physical.

    • soni2006 profile imageAUTHOR

      Rajinder Soni 

      11 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you so much Veronica for going through this hub and for your expert comments.

    • Veronica Allen profile image

      Veronica Allen 

      11 years ago from Georgia

      Very good. I rated this up. Infidelity is so rampant, that people can easily be presuaded that it's just a way of life. Your four tips are vital for those couples who truly want to do right by each other.


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