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How to Tell if He or She is Your Soul Mate

Updated on July 25, 2011

Romantic connections rarely offer 100% bliss, and they never fail to force whatever isn’t love to the surface, souring love life expectations.

It’s common to overlook the spiritual purpose (opportunities for growth, etc.) of love life connections, and the soul mate concept is vastly misunderstood.

Virtually everyone wants to be loved and be in love. Early on in your romantic union you may question whether or not he or she is your soul mate. Then, as things spiral out of control, you may wonder what the heck you were thinking in the first place getting together with this person.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, as it happens to everyone, principally due to false notions of what love relationships are supposed to be like, formulated in the mind from very early on. Although fairy-tales and romantic movies are a fun escape, embracing them as reality and using them as the basis for love life expectations is a universal mistake. Sure, some romantic fantasy is healthy, but too much can ruin a good thing.

Our findings indicate that you have many different types of soul mates, including these: those mainly for practical purposes (e.g., having a child together); challenging connections, which serve to accelerate your growth; and very rewarding romantic connections, which are much more rare.

Sometimes personal fate is pleasing, such as with a blissful soul mate connection, and sometimes it’s not. Here’s how to realize if you’ve met one of your more rewarding soul mates, and if you’re ready for such a relationship:

1. You’re both at a point where you are at least reasonably self-aware. You see the world as it is, instead of as you are, which would happen if you lacked self-understanding. You avoid playing the victim and the blame game, and you take full responsibility for your life. You respect your partner for who they are, and understand that expecting someone to be your everything is childish and unfair.

2. Before you met your fantastic match, you were not desperate to find a partner. In fact, you’re both very comfortable with your time alone. You know very well that nobody can save you but yourself. You are very fair about what you expect in a partner and what you, in turn, have to offer.

3. You both readily acknowledge that there are appropriate times in life for everything under the sun (as symbolized by comprehensive astrology and numerology). You can’t plant your garden in the dead of winter, just as you won’t meet a wonderfully rewarding romantic match at the darkest hour of your life’s romantic timing. Thankfully, for both of you, your timing is right for rewarding love connections.

4. You both feel blessed about how amazing the compatibility is between you. You acknowledge that the more you have to work to make a love connection tolerable, the more flawed the compatibility. Simply put, two people with excellent compatibility don’t have to work hard at it. You both realize that compatibility is only partly based on what you make of it, and much more so on what two people innately have between themselves. Please see more information about this phenomenon here:

5. You’re both finally at a point where you understand that true love can’t be anything but unconditional love. The more someone gets entangled in romantic expectations, the more likely they misunderstand the true meaning of an authentic and rewarding soul mate connection: love without demands and attachments.

Once you unite with a rewarding soul mate, you probably won’t be burdened with indecisiveness whether or not he or she is right for you. In the meantime, before you meet that special someone, enjoy your freedom and do what you can to make yourself available.

Still looking for a solid soul mate? Check out the 77 Biggest On-line Dating Mistakes to save time and avoid hassles:

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo


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    • profile image

      YourSecretFantasy 3 years ago

      Just when was about to give up!! This has giving me an idea.. do my self .. prepare... make myself better as a person for I don't wanna be caught off guard when I meet my soul mate!!!

    • profile image

      Lucia 5 years ago

      Thanks Scott for this article. In my own case i dnt knw wot to believe again, cos am confused. There's this guy, he proposed to me for marriage. He loves me so much and i lov him too. But there is another guy that is deeply in lov with me now, and i do lov him so much as well. I think about him all the time, even when am with the one that proposed to me. I see him in my dreams all the time. I think i lov him more than i lov the other guy. I'v com to realise that, As our marriage plans come nearer, the more i get scared cos i wouldn't want to live with another and my heart would be with another. I dnt knw how to tel this guy its over. Am in a state of total confusion. I need help please. Thanks.

    • profile image

      Angela 5 years ago


      It was about a year ago or more that I started to really truly "understand" what the meaning of "Real Love" aka Unconditional Love meant. Before then, it was just a word that I mentioned a lot, but didnt fully get the definition. Almost as if it was another language. But I felt that the "makes me feel good" feelings had to be what true love was.

      It was as if I woke up one day and finally took off my rose colored glasses, so to speak, and really could smell the roses. It was an AHA moment. I am very happy with myself these days, and where my hard work has taken me, my dreams coming true, and no one stopping me. I have become almost, if you will, a preacher to many of my friends, some of them older than me, about what Unconditional Love really is, and what it is not....which is basically what most people marry under the conditions of (fake love- expectations..obligations..etc). Obviously, the first aha moment, was the first story we are all told about unc. love, and that is when Jesus died on the cross, and sacraficed his life for his love for us. I am by no means a religious person- i dont even go to church, but i believe. And now I know the true meaning.

      I fell in love with an unavailable man. We "dated" for over a year. It ended several months ago...we both agreed we were both very selfish in wanting to spend the time together even when we knew it was bad timing for both of us. It happens often, from what I understand. Sometimes, people put themselves in bad situations (as he did many years ago) and more often then not these days....suffer. And by that I mean, they settle, they remain unhappy, confused, hurt, stuck, etc. And for so long, as I sat back and kept my life going forward, he was going no where (in his personal life). My dreams were coming true, I was doing the things I loved to do, I have more dreams to go after, and all he could do, was sit back and watch. Of course, because he is not, as you mention about, at the time in his life, or ever had a chance, to discover himself. He started off young, settld too soon, and from that point, as many young adults tend to do at that age, got stuck and his career dreams went in the opposite direction, he married out of obligation, she has expectations, etc etc.

      We both wanted happiness for each other, and so we let each other go our seperate ways. It wasn't fair to me, and it wasnt fair to him. And so the story goes. He was the only person I never preached I believe for some people, it is up to them to wake up one day and make a change on their own, if they ever want to be happy.

      It was the first of that kind of experience for me, and also, another eye opener. Today, I continue to learn more about myself, my friends laugh at me because I tell them this year is my year to work on my new position at work, no dating, I am just not interested as it is not something on my mind anymore. It doesn't mean its not important. It just means, I know what I want and what I need to do right now in my life (my heart will open again someday when it is ready). He and I met, neither of us "looking", we had an amazing soul mate connection, we kept that going for a nice long year...but at the end of the day, one person was living, the other was just living in shadow. Of course, the circumstanes were not the best either.

      Sadly, he is one of the millions of men/women in this country living the same life. He even had friends that were in his same situation. And they continue to live the same way. I wish I could shake these men and women and scream at the top of my lungs, and tell them to stop living a lie! I shudder, today, when so many young people get married, he wants to marry her to get her off the market- she wants a fairy tale wedding....10 years later, they meet several of their soul mates, and wonder what were they thinking back at such a young age when they didn't even know who they were inside?

      Anyway, I just came across your blogs, and I truly enjoy reading your articles. I am a true believer in your words.

      One more thought.....(I love this article above and will always read it again and again) I know where I stand today, I know I shouldn't be afraid, Scott.....but I am....afraid of one thing:

      When I am "ready" to open my heart again, or when another soul mate appears, or a past soul mate comes back into my life- whichever...the only thing I am afraid of, is that person not being ready like I am. That person not understanding like I understand. That person not meeting the 5 signals above. I feel as if there are more people out there LOST in this world, lost in thinking they know what real love is. Or, they are bitter. AS they went through bitter divorces, or whatnot, and they will not ever marry again. Maybe because they dont believe in love anymore.

      I hope Im wrong.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 6 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      I'm thrilled that reincarnation is slowly emerging from the realm of "woo woo" and weird. Acceptance can only lead to greater understanding.

      As for soul mates, a cousin married a man who "pre-ordered" her. Seriously. About 5 years before they met, he'd written down everything he thought his "perfect mate" would be, including a detailed physical description that proved uncannily accurate - right down to the "sprinkling of freckles" on Cousin's shoulders. He in turn fulfilled her notions of a perfect mate. They've been joined at the hip for over 30 years now. Well, in this lifetime, that is. They know for a fact that this is not their first life together, that there have many others previously. Oddly, this is a cousin with whom I've shared many lifetimes, but for the life of me, I don't remember her husband being in any of them!

      She, however, does remember, not too fondly, the Love of My Life (R.I.P) in our shared lives and resents that after his death this time around he often used her to channel messages to me. ;D

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 6 years ago

      Hey, Scott,

      I agree with everything you wrote..

      On the same context, ha ha ha..I have given this lifetime anyway..

      Thank you, dear friend.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

      This is a ruly wonderful hub. Well worded details. Thank you.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 6 years ago from Lagos

      Scot, you ve made a wonderful impression and great points too. You ve done well...

    • your cybersister profile image

      your cybersister 6 years ago from Just relocated from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina

      Your hub has put into words several of the things that I have believed for quite some time now, the major one being that if true compatiability is there you don't have to work hard at it. I believe that many of those who believe that good relationships take hard work are with the wrong person. I have no doubt that a good relationship with someone you are not really compatiable with is hard work and still disappointing. I also believe that timing is very important in the development of a relationship. You need to be in the right place emotionally as well as physically when you might the right person. It doesn't always happen that way. I had to meet my husband twice, years apart, for everything to fall into place.

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      madfatwoman 6 years ago from Decatur, AR

      Great hub!! I was so happy that I got to go through your list and say "check" at the end of each one. I knew that I was with my soul-mate..but knowing it even more now!!

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      James W. Nelson 6 years ago from eastern North Dakota

      Good hub, Scott. Strangely enough, I did meet a can I describe her? I felt everything about her was right, we talked a bit, she seemed responsive to keep talking, but my mind went blank. I got her first name and that is all.