Unsettled Yet At Peace - A Way To happy Life
A Morning To Remember
She woke up with swollen eyes. Last night and every night before she cried herself to sleep. She was in the worst phase of life. It was her first love and first break up. She could see her dreams of walking down the aisle with her childhood love shattering. Lots of friends in the contact list to console her but no one could soothe her even a little. She didn't want to rise and shine. Nothing could make her feel better.
And then ping from a colleague, careless in terms of emotions, playful, doesn't give a damn attitude. He wanted his few work cleanups to be handled.
Unknown of the feels, she stopped crying and replied. But how could it be possible as she did not even reply to her mother's text? He was just a colleague or maybe a team member like others whom she didn't want to connect. He was no one special. He was not so close. She could have just ignored or vented out but he was not a person of the ear so she ignored and completed the work.
Little she knew that it is going to be a morning to remember as it was the first step towards UnsettledYetAtPeace.
A Day To Remember
Meeting someone daily for 3 years and suddenly a day seems to be so special.
He didn't do anything to make her smile or didn't share the pain she was going through. He was discussing his make outs and his Xs. (Remember I told you playful guy.)
It was the day she laughed at stupid jokes. Her laugh was as innocent as baby's first cheer. She laughed her heart out after two months, after several trials from several people.
He was the only one who didn't console her for pain,
did not hug her to let it pass,
he never said it is a phase,
he never gave a shoulder to cry,
he did not hold her hand and ask her to stay strong
yet he was the most peaceful place for her.
A day with him brought her smiles. He didn't say she deserved better but showed her how better a world could be for anyone.
Again damn Why was she smiling? He did not give any hints. She was not in love with the playful guy. Come on, he is not a person for a serious thing. But then he was on time to pick her, though being a Hollywood buff he played a song from typical Bollywood movie which he hated, dropped her to 60km distance and all this with no special feelings. Yes, no strings attached. He did not even think that he was doing such things.
rude yet affectionate,
arrogant yet caring,
playful yet respectful,
mean yet thoughtful.
Just a second let me think, hmmmmmm, was this all beautiful because she was in rebound? No, she wasn't. She was deeply in love with the guy she couldn't marry. She never wanted a rebound or new start or whatever.
She just took one day at a time. A day that healed her a little.
Again little was She aware that this was her second step to unsettledYetAtPeace.
She was not thinking of the future but that past with his presence made her present beautiful.
A Week To Remember
As a reader I would have started to think that it must be mere infatuation but sorry for disappointments they were #justFriends
No Strings attached. But definitely, it was a special week and worth to remember. Waking up with someone in the same bed is a special feeling but waking up with someone who isn't your partner could be dramatic and for all week, uff feels coming straight from daily soaps.
They were not friends from decade still he was her's a safe place with peace. She felt safe and comfortable with him at 8 PM or 3 AM. She could be her with him.
It was her first time away from her eternal love, even the first time she might have woke up with someone else in the same bed. And she was smiling? How was she laughing? Was it wrong? What was actually happening How did not she cried last night before sleep, Did she move on? Is it so easy to move one?
To be honest she just realized she was not sad over thing she thought she will never get over and trust be this realization was very peaceful.
She did not smile because she was enjoying she smiled because she was at peace. A peace she was craving for. A peace which doesn't involve discussions to heal or move on. It was like a new world to her. She never experienced it before. They talked for hours. They had seen each other 3 AM version. The purest version.
Though It was all general stuff. But how come she felt it different? The playful arrogant guy who doesn't give a damn about anything was good to her. He touched her soul for the first time , when he said that they were friends. Her heart skipped a beat.
She was not insecure of there friendship, nor did she plan anything. Moreover, she was not afraid to be close to him through her last fall was worst. She was in love. Yes, she was in love with the new version of herself. After months of crying she was living. She was loving herself and her life,
She loved herself but these two souls, Yes they were now friends. Remember guys justFriends.
A Month to Remember
A perfect month about which she is going to tell stories to her kids. She was still healing but the time spent with him was the time she craved for. Maybe that could be the reason she felt good about herself but I kept on asking her, does he do something special? He doesn't talk romance, he doesn't feel anything, he doesn't even try or may he is not even interested, he was usually rude and mean to her but then what is it? Moving ahead a little, She still smiles when his names pop up.
TBH, he never even messaged her, he only replied to her. Yet she was ok, yet she kept on praising him and grooving over him. OMG, it's too much to digest but then being an author I have to write undigestible too.
It's because of human tendency, We always accept the love we think we deserve. We keep on lowering the expectations based on the love we get.
And so when he made her realize that she deserves a little more, she deserves self-love, she was scared that how can She be so loved but unknown of the consequences he made her fall for herself. Yes, she started loving herself.
In general, everyone has their process, she was struggling to find one. She got help in the most unexpected way. Even help did not know about it. :p.
Her process was non-traditional yet effective. And so she answered my question "that moments with him are worth to remember because he gifted her a process." This could be one of the most selfless, pure and needed gifts for life.
The girl with negative thoughts started dreaming of a beautiful future. His aura changed her and trust me this change was for best.
A Stranger To Remember.
I still think a few times, what were they, as I said was it love or was it, love. :P
If it was love there should be expectations but there were none.
So were they soulmates?
If they were soulmates then they both should be there in all ups and downs and discussing life.
Were they friends?
If they were friends, it should be both ways as there is no one-sided friendship like one-sided love.
Their relationship is tough to be named but as the main character is our hero,
I say He was her guardian angel. An angel not for whole life but the worst phase.
When the world was falling apart for her, he was the one to ask beer or LIIT?
When she was crying and needed a shoulder, he was the one playing rock music.
When she felt low at 3 AM, he was driving a car at 20KM/hr and discussing his X.
When she cried like a baby in chilling winter he didn't ask her to stop instead told her to cry inside in warm place.
When she wanted good feels, he was rude and mean.
And finally, when she started to live, smile, laugh, enjoy, he bid her Good Bye.
He did everything in opposite to general healing process. Yet it was the best process. and let me tell you she still smiles when his name pops ups. They might not be in the same setup but as I already said she will tell stories about him to her kids.
What I think is, it's not always about saying "I am here" or having someone to vent out, Discuss, Express, hearing "Its a phase", "let it go", "don't give a fuck" etc.
Sometimes its about gestures. Instead of cribbing with her or abusing with her, he showed her whats the world beyond it.
He made her realize that her smiles are not dependent on someone else's smiles. Her laughs are not be entitled to someone else's name. He made her realized meeting new people and making new friends is not that tough. It's ok not to have beautiful Bollywood endings. It's ok to have breakups, it's ok to fail in an interview, it's ok even to get cheated, it's ok if no one cares, its ok to be alone, it's ok to sleep for 14 hours or no hour. it's ok to let people go.
What is not ok is to have Regrets. #NoRegrets.
But all these, he never spoke, it was all gestures, which he even himself is not aware.
He made her realize that her soul is free and above all, She is a good soul and she is a young independent smart woman.
And therefore she lived happily ever after. He will always hold a special place in her heart and a special chapter in her life with heading -
A playful guy :P with a most beautiful soul, Rude yet beautiful at heart.
From #StrangerToRemeber to #ASoulToRemember.
And finally, she might be Unsettled, but she was at peace.
Lastly Just a disclaimer --> they are #justFriends. :P
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Ekta Pahujani