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Husband-Wife Relationship

Updated on September 16, 2011

The word ‘Marriage’ is a fantasy for young girls. Just the thought of a life partner gives them warmth, physical and mental security.  In their imaginations, they fly in the sky having no boundaries.  For them marriage is a world where, there are no prohibitions and they can prove their worth. Every girl want to be ‘wanted’ and loved by someone special. In most of the middle class Indian societies, where although the girls are given the opportunities to get higher education, but their thoughts are governed by their fathers and elder brothers.  They live in the modern society, behave as if they are a part of it but they live two lives together. The fact is that they never live’ their life’. So, all their hopes rely on their marriage.  Finally the marriage happens……….an educated girl gets an educated life partner. But what after that……….

The reality is altogether different. This second inning of the girl’s life is ruled by their husbands. Why the boys who used to behave so decently earlier, step into their father’s shoes after marriage. They always try to prove that they are ‘the best’. What they do for their families is not their responsibility but a favor for them. They behave as if they are the rulers. Whatever the wife does is taken for guaranteed but whatever they do is courtesy which should always be appreciated. Husbands always expect that their parents must be privileged, their brothers and sisters always taken care of, their children must be nurtured well, their wives should be superb in cooking and in bed, their houses should be well managed. Even if the wife is also working, she is not let to compromise with her domestic duties. But how many of them think the same for their wives. In most of the families, wives can not dare to take the pride of their jobs even. It hurts their husband’s ego. When husband comes home, he expects king size welcome. His efforts done for the family are hard earned. What ever he says should be obeyed as an order and if not done, their ego hurts. It leads to conflict in the husband-wife relationship and wife has to pay for it in any form. Some husbands always try to find out the reasons to let their wives down. May be that it satisfy their egos.

Wives, who leave for their jobs after finishing their house hold chores, restart them after coming back from their work place. They look after the study of their children, pack their lunch boxes in the morning, keep their school dresses ready by night. To meet all this, they get up early in the morning and remain busy till late night. This is the story of every second middle class family. To a large extent male ego is the culprit behind broken marriages and some times wife’s attempt to commit suicides. Many wives do compromise with their lives. They tolerate every thing for the sake of the future of their children, thinking that any wrong step taken by them may affect their children’s future, especially in the Indian societies.  

But how many of the husbands appreciate this. They should understand that the wives are the pillar of their houses. If, suppose the pillar is displaced, what will happen to their dream houses.   Ego is good if it is for the protection of the family, for the self esteem of the wife. It will generate   respect for the husbands in their wives minds. A woman is a very soft hearted, love filled creation of the God. Give her a bit of love and respect, she will shower all her life, her dreams on her husband.  

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    • sunilkunnoth2012 profile image

      Sunil Kumar Kunnoth 

      4 years ago from Calicut (Kozhikode, South India)

      I just loved the way you presented a decent issue. I wish the young generation read it. Thank you for sharing.

    • Kawaljit kaur profile imageAUTHOR

      Kawaljit kaur 

      6 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

      Jyoti Chopra

      Hi

      Thanks for your comments. It is true that at whatever level, we wives reach, the equation between husband and wife relationship remains the same. And I don't find and even feel that the scenario will change in the coming decades. May God bless all WIVES.

    • profile image

      Jyoti Chopra 

      6 years ago

      Very nice article.............This is the reality. Whatever a lady does is always taken for granted. If both are working then most of the times, wife is supposed to compromise with her job. Every man wants an ideal wife but does not want to become an ideal husband. If a mistake is done by husband it is ok, why are you pin pointing it? this doesn't matter, like things but if the same mistake is done by wife...........then a big scene is created with lots n lots of shouting scolding, unwanted suggestions (indirectly orders). Husband's parents are the parents, But nobody wants to take care of wife's parents. They are not considered important at all. all expectations are from the Wife only. And so called promises, planning before marriage just fades away. Husband's don't even remember those at all.

    • Kawaljit kaur profile imageAUTHOR

      Kawaljit kaur 

      6 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

      Serena Gabriel

      You the first person who has introduced me with the Mormons. I have never heard about them before. It is so painful that the women Mormons who suffer a lot but can't be permitted for divorce. Although in Indian system, divorce is permitted but women here are brought up in such a way that the situation in most of the cases becomes bad to worst after divorce. May GOD give strength to all women.

    • Injured lamb profile image

      Injured lamb 

      6 years ago

      Agree much with this..."Give her a bit of love and respect, she will shower all her life, her dreams on her husband." thanks for the sharing Kawaljit, take care...

    • profile image

      Serena Gabriel 

      6 years ago

      This is very interesting. What you describe in terms of the relationship and how men and women come together reminds me of life for women under Mormonism.

      Although, it seems like a universal problem that men often turn into control freaks after marriage. There is a lot of violence in U.S. marriages because the men think once the woman signs a piece of paper that he owns her and can do what he wants. This is taken to an extreme under Mormonism (where the men actually represent God in the house and are the only ones permitted to speak to God), but the result in the larger culture is harassment, stalking and murder of the former wives and their children.

      In Mormonism where divorce is not acceptable, the women take a lot of anti-depressants and suffer from all kinds of mental illness. I've only known three people who committed suicide and they were all Mormons. Sorry for bring up the Mormons, but I'm a Mormon cult-survivor and reading your description, it's just so similar!

      Accolades and voting up!

    • Kawaljit kaur profile imageAUTHOR

      Kawaljit kaur 

      6 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

      rajan jolly;

      Regards,

      Being from a developing nation and much thorough about the Indian system, you know the real facts of our family system. It is infact the story of every second women.We must change our mind sets. Thanks for your appreciation.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      6 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      kamaljit, you have raised a very valid point. True things are changing with more educated men having a changed mindset where women or their wives are concerned, the majority of the uneducated and many of the educated too still believe the men to be superior. It is a very sad state of affairs in our country and I think in all developing countries. I think education does play a very important role in this.

      We ought to get our masses educated to stem this rot.

      I congatulate u for writing this from your heart.

    • Kawaljit kaur profile imageAUTHOR

      Kawaljit kaur 

      6 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

      dipsmi,

      Thanks for your comment. I agree with you that exceptions are there. what I have written, can't be generalized but MAJORITY of Husbands have this type of mentality. He may be loving his wife badly, taking care of all her needs but when ranking comes, he expects to be high ranked as compared to her wife. It is not his fault but sons in the families of our society are brought up this way.

    • dipsmi profile image

      dipsmi 

      6 years ago from Plymouth, Minnisota

      this hub is interesting but i beg to differ..may be a majority of indian husbands are like this but there are exceptional too..

    • Kawaljit kaur profile imageAUTHOR

      Kawaljit kaur 

      6 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

      Storytellersrus

      Thanks a lot for your deepest concern about this relationship. In India which is a developing country, girls are taught from their birth, regarding family values, the families which are male dominated. overall we are living in a male dominated society. Although educated women go for divorce in such circumstances but it is still not socially accepted in our society. So far as the suffering of their children is concerned, the daughters suffer more because, to be a daughter of a divorced mother is taken as stigma in the society. Even divorced ladies are taken as approachable to everybody, every male. so this type of insecurity forces a woman to live in such circumstances. Thanks for voting up this hub.

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 

      6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      You speak from the heart of feminine realities. I am so moved by your frustration and offer the deepest empathy, as there are many American women in similar circumstances. I am sorry to hear these situations sometimes end in suicide, however. Why do these women not understand other options? I am unfamiliar with your culture's acceptance of divorce. When you say this will affect the children negatively, do you mean financially or socially or both? Thank you again for baring your heart for the benefit of others. Voted up.

    • ISHAA SHARMAA profile image

      ISHAA SHARMAA 

      6 years ago from jalandhar

      awesome maam u hav pendown d reality of life few lines are really heart touching

    • profile image

      Brinafr3sh 

      6 years ago

      Thanks for your comments.I will definitely love to write more on relationships. In fact, the relationships make us feel our existence. Thanks once again.

    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 

      6 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi,

      This hub is very interesting, I look forward to reading more of your hubs on relationships. Husbands supposed to treat their wives as the weaker vessel(gentle and kind). When a husband finds a wife he finds a good thing. Thanks

    • Bhanu.Jas profile image

      Bhawana Salaria 

      6 years ago from Australia

      The article is based on reality and also on the trends of Indian society.Bhawana

    • profile image

      Jaspals 

      6 years ago

      I am a beginner. It just happened. Thanks for your encouragement.

    • Jaspals profile image

      Jaspal Singh 

      6 years ago from India / Australia

      You really touched the ground realities of Indian family system. Although it can't be generalized but still it reflect majority views. It's really well written article. Keep writing.

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