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Are Men Intimidated By Successful Women?

Updated on March 10, 2012

Success VS Personality...

A while back A&E had a television show called “Confessions of a Matchmaker”. The show centered on Patti Novak the matchmaker in this case providing dating advice to both men and women.

The dates are video taped and Patti goes over them with her clients afterwards pointing out their missteps along with offering them tips for future encounters. In one episode a woman told Patti the reason she has a hard time dating is because “men are intimidated by successful women”.

If that were true none of the following women would have husbands or significant others. These are among some the most successful women on the planet proving that success does not equal loneliness.

Julia Roberts

Halle Berry



Barbra Streisand

Ursula Burns, president of Xerox Corp

Marjorie Scardino (CEO of Pearson, a $3.5 billion international media conglomerate )

Meg Whitman (Former President and (CEO) of eBay, Inc (Billionaire) and married.

If a woman’s success really intimidated men none of these women would ever get a date!

Generally speaking whenever a person is asked why they don’t have something in their life the natural thing to do is point our fingers away from us.

Ironically the moment you do this you take away the only real power you have.

You can change how you approach life, you can control your thought process, you can socialize in different places, join groups with similar interests… you can do whatever it takes to improve your life.

However if you believe the “problem” is outside of you then you have no control.

The only person you have control of is yourself.

Trying to change the world leads to frustration.


A woman states that men can’t handle her directness but the truth is they see her as lacking tack, rude, or too serious. Basically she is not pleasant to be around.

Maybe it’s your personality and not your success that's repelling these men away.

Although men are visual creatures by nature a woman’s personality will determine if there is a first or better yet a second date.

No one really enjoys being around a standoffish, serious, stern , cold person wearing a sign that reads “Prove you are worth my time” around their neck.

An attractive woman who is personable, with a great sense of humor, and has a genuine interest in other people will have no problem getting asked out no matter how “successful” she is.

Success & Equality

The super successful woman most likely will have to be open to abandoning some traditions when it comes to paying for dates, exotic vacations, and expensive gifts.

If a multi-millionaire or billionaire male were dating a woman making significantly less money than him he would have no problem sharing his lifestyle with the one he loves.

It is highly unlikely that any of the aforementioned women such as Madonna or Oprah will ever find men to date that are on their same level financially.

Are Men Intimidated By Successful Women?

I’ve never heard a guy say he was honestly intimidated by a woman because of her “success”. However I have heard men tell women they were intimidated in order to avoid going out on another date. It's their way of rejecting her while still making her feel good about herself.

In their minds it’s equivalent to rejecting the woman while “complementing” her at the same time. It’s very similar to saying, “It’s not you, it’s me” as you break up with someone. If you are paid a compliment while being rejected chances are you aren't being told the whole truth.

One would have to have a fairly large ego to really believe the reason they don’t have a “significant other” in their life is because they are "too beautiful", "too successful", "too rich", "too famous" or "too smart." If a woman gave it any serious thought she would know how insincere his statment is. Basically he's saying, "I can't date you because you have too much going for yourself!" "I'm really into poor or lower middle class types of women". hmmmm.....

Men And Women Reject Differently

Women reject (directly) men that approach them whom they have no interest in.

Men reject women (indirectly) by not approaching women they are not interested in

.Both sexes have been known to use “avoidance tactics” to end would be relationships.

Instead of telling the person they don’t want to see them again they hope by avoiding them, not answering the phone, or replying to their emails the person will “get the hint”.

In my opinion more often than not a woman who is not being asked out is very likely being rejected indirectly by men and it’s not because they are intimidated.

One man’s opinion....


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      Dr Billy Kidd, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post your comment. I think you make some valid points for (some men). However I think a woman can easily fall into a trap or feel powerless if she buys into the belief that the reason she does not have a mate is because "I'm so successful I intimidate men". It's really a cop out. If that were true how could she explain women who are even more successful then she is that have a man or are married? The things many of these women place a high value on (education, career, salary, and status)...etc are all things WOMEN look for in a MAN!) Unfortunately these are NOT the same things men value when looking for a woman! It's nothing wrong with having those things but if you're going to go "hunting" you want to bring the right "bait". Being attractive, having an easy going personality, varied interests, and a great sense of humor will go a lot further with men then rolling out your credentials. (A man could care less if a woman is cocktail waitress or a CEO.) He just has to be "attracted to her" and "like her". One man's opinion! :-)

    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      When I give a presentation on romantic relationships I hear two things: Where are all the men? and "Why are men intimidated by successful women?"

      It's obvious that gender roles are changing and that men are a little comfused about their role in modern love affairs. What men are having the worst time with is adjusting to the big 26% drop in wages since 1973. Women's wages went the other way and they're proud of their work.

      So, a guy with limited options meets a woman who see unlimited earning possibilities, surely the man is going to feel a little powerless and uncertain as to where he stands. His old role models are of no help in guiding him. He and the women have to discuss how to have a relationship and build their own rules. He's not quite ready to do that because, not having a real job, he's not feeling like a real adult, so he'd not ready for a real relationship.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 years ago

      gmwilliams, Thanks for your comment.

      You make some valid points.

      It appears you agree with me(there are lots of of men who have no problem dating successful women!)

      "Whenever we don't have what we want in life we tend to blame the things outside of us." Many successful women in business and entertainment fields have found love with men who earned less than them. That is the point I wanted to make.

      Naturally it goes without saying that just because there are people interested in us does not mean we should "settle" however income is not the most important aspect of a loving relationship. If men used income as a determining factor for getting involved with women no waitress, maid, or single mother receiving government assistance would ever get a date! Each of us are more than our occupation and salary.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I loved your hub. Some men are intimidated by highly successful women. However, these men are zeroes. A highly successful woman should find similiary like minded men and not settle. Many highly successful women, especially Black women, date and/or marry men who do not have the same level of education and success that they have and they marry these men, much to their regret much latter. Highly successful women should not settle and hold on to their desire to find equally educated and successful men. It is worth it in the end.

    • bodylevive profile image

      BODYLEVIVE 7 years ago from Alabama, USA

      I would say some are and some are not. I have dated before doing a background check LOL and found out he confided in someone and made the statement, "she's done well for herself, I wish I'd met her sooner". In my earlier years of dating, I met someone who told me I was too good to be true and had accomplished to much to be so young. What was that suppose to mean? Later on I found out he was dating what I call a "welfare queen" with 6 kids, none with the same dad. So, I guess it just depends on how you look at the situation and your definition of intimidation.