Is Love Blind?
The Difference Between Love and Infatuation
Despite what the old adage states, love isn’t blind. In fact, I think you’re actually thinking the most clearly when you’re in love. I think what happens is that people misinterpret infatuation as love.
What Is Infatuation?
As Merriam-Webster defines it, Infatuation is to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration. I think the word “foolish” says it all here. Infatuation has a clever way of concealing itself to make us think we’re in love when we’re really not.
I see this very frequently. A friend of mine claims to be in love with a man, however he treats her like complete garbage, even to the extent of talking and hanging out with other women more than her (One of which is his ex-fiancé).
She asks me so often for advice, and I tell her the same thing over and over, yet she never responds to it. She’s honestly, blinded by her infatuation for this guy. Why do I say infatuation as opposed to love? There are signs.
Signs That You're Infatuation
This friend of mine had a crush on this guy for many months. So when he actually asked her out, that physical attraction started a chemical reaction in her brain that made her feel that euphoria that we all feel when our hearts skip a beat. In her case, she thought that what she felt was love, but actually it was only that deceitful impostor.
Another contributor could be the fact that she had not dated for about a year prior to meeting this man. She was longing for someone to love her. I feel this desire made her infatuated with him because he at least gave her the time of day.
Sex is also a topic of concern when people throw out the "Love" word. Do they actually love the individual or are they trying to get something lustful out of the relationship? This is a primary reason why the argument for waiting to have sex until after marriage has a foot to stand on. For some people, sex gives him or her an emotional tie to a person, one that they feel is brought on by love, when it is actually infatuation.
So here's a quick review of the many signs of infatuation:
- Excessive hormones
- Crushes based on appearances
- Partners with low self-esteem
- Loneliness prior to relationship
- Sex-based relationship
Real love is primarily interested in the other person. It seeks to give instead of get. Love unselfishly seeks the highest good for the other person.
How Do You Determine What Is Love and What Isn't?
So how does one determine which is which? An old English Professor of mine once told me that when you’re in love, you refer to you (as a couple) as “We’s” and “Ours.” When you’re infatuated, it’s more about the “Mine”, “His”, and “Hers.” That separation is the dividing factor in a relationship, no pun intended.
Love is a deep, mutual understanding and respect between two people. When love is present in a relationship, the important things are the “We’s” and “Ours.” It’s so easy for others to see the wrong in a relationship when its based upon infatuation as opposed to love. For those who are infatuated, love and longing is all they desire making it impossible to open their eyes to what is truth or fiction.
Infatuation Can Turn Into Love
The last important thing about infatuation is that it can grow into love. My husband and I are a prime example of this. When we first met, it was infatuation at first sight! I had the typical schoolgirl crush on the older guy. He was just the hottest thing since… well, anything! It was a full blown case of Puppy love!
As we both got older and more mature, what was just a high-school crush before, turned into a real relationship. I can’t imagine laughing with anyone else, crying with anyone else, washing dishes with anyone else, singing to my disco CD with anyone else, writing a relationship blog with anyone else, or loving anyone else for the rest of my life.
That’s what real love looks like.