Male Abuse: The Hidden Tragedy

The crime of male abuse within the home is a stain upon society. This article focuses on this topic and also explores why men feel the need to stay silent. Violence against women is treated by society in a much different way from that of men. Men are the silent victims of crimes against them within the home, which, if the roles were reversed, would see them in jail.

The Silent Tragedy

It is the unspoken crime. The silent tragedy. The crime that countless thousands of men, up and down the land, dare not speak about. It exists, yet it is hidden behind closed doors. And why is it hidden? Well, if women hesitate to speak of their abuse at the hands of men, men are even less likely to do so about their abuse at the hands of women.

With men, pride plays an enormous part in males not coming forward to accuse their partners of abuse. Pride and shame are the two main things that can stain a man's image of himself when he is being put through physical and/or mental abuse. Indeed, within society generally, men are looked upon as the potential abusers and women as the possible victims of male violence. But life is much more complicated than that, and nothing is as it seems.

There are a whole number of reasons as to why a woman would abuse her husband/partner. One has to look at her mental state. Psychologically, was she affected in the past by experiencing abuse herself? Does she have a borderline personality disorder? This condition is unique to women and, at least, 1-2% of women have this within their psychological make-up. It has been proven that over 50% of women who abuse their male partners have a borderline personality disorder.

Suicidal thoughts and behaviour are also associated with borderline personality disorder. This, along with alcoholism, violent mood swings, lying and sexual issues in the bedroom, are also tell-tale signs. Indeed, women who suffer from this condition all seem to have unreasonable and unreachable expectations of their partners.

If their partners do not reach those expectations, then violence very often follows, both physical and verbal. Such women suffer from chronic depression, low self-esteem and insecurity. When they are with a partner who is confident in themselves, carries themselves well, and is secure, this can exacerbate their partner's feelings of worthlessness and resentment toward their significant other even more.

When things go wrong, men are inevitably to blame. Women who suffer from this condition are more likely to blame men for all of their problems than face up to them. This condition typically begins in childhood, with some trauma experienced by the child. It is this trauma that is quite often the trigger for borderline personality disorder.

As the child grows older, the condition becomes worse to such an extent that when in a relationship, it is often the men who take the blame for their wife's or girlfriend's feelings. As the condition worsens, they refuse to seek help or treatment, choosing instead to blame everyone around them for how they are. Of course, any man who is within this type of relationship - and who can see what is wrong - has to be mentally strong to put up with what is to come.

Men will continue to be hit, spat at, and assaulted - both physically and mentally - until women acknowledge their actions are wrong and they seek voluntary help. Until then, men will continue to suffer in silence. However, at the same time, men also have to seek the help they so desperately need, as they continue to suffer from those who are supposed to love them.

In both cases, help can only come when both the abuser and the victim seek help of their own free will. For those men who find themselves the victims of abuse at the hands of their partners, they need to speak up and speak out - and get out of the home for their safety.

Too many men are, right now, living in a nightmare existence. And it is these same men who have been mentally and physically abused for many years. It is strange, therefore, that a society that, quite rightly, speaks out and urges women who are victims of abuse at the hands of men to come forward, is then strangely silent when it is men who are the abused.

I, myself, spent 13 years trapped within a nightmare marriage in which I was mentally abused for the vast majority of that time and told how to dress, how to stand, not to sing in the house, not to whistle in the house. I had money stolen from me for years by her, while she kept me without a penny, until I spoke out about it.

It was a type of insidious control she had over me, mentally, that I could not break away from. She was the type of person who would forever find fault in me, but would overlook her weaknesses and flaws.

Never once did I lash out and hit her, which was against my nature anyway. But I did try to defend myself by arguing back. I am no angel, no one is. But no one deserved to be put through mental torture when they had done absolutely nothing wrong.

I am the type of person who likes to remove myself from the situation and the house when an argument arises. Many times, I would go out to get away, to find peace of mind. I would go for long walks by myself to try and clear my head, but knowing deep down that I was trapped in a prison that I thought I could never escape from.

And then I met someone, through my writing, who, if it had not been for her, I would be dead by now. She came along at just the right time, because I was mentally gone. Although we are not together, I thank her for helping me, as I did need her assistance.

I lost the will to live and only existed day by day. It's funny because, although I knew it was happening, I was somewhat blind to what people were saying to me, as they could see what I refused to see.

But they did not see everything, because, behind closed doors, the mental abuse, not physical, but mental, was something I had never had to face before in my life. But my writing kept me sane, kept me going.

Because writing was all I knew, and all I had known for many years. My writing was all that I had that truly belonged to me. Everything else had been taken from me, so I clung onto what I knew and what was mine. Something that could never be taken from me by her, or by anyone.

I do regret not leaving much sooner. It took me 13 years to eventually pluck up the courage to leave a nightmare existence and walk out of that door for good. But even now, I have flashbacks and dark thoughts that come out as nightmares during sleep. I write this article because I do not want any other man to go through what I went through.

For myself, I did not speak up, but suffered in silence, because of the shame of it. I allowed her to control every aspect of my life, and I eventually lost my individuality while we were together. I am slowly but surely getting it back, as I now live alone, but it will take time.

And sometimes I do lash out, but it is against the wall, when the memories of what I went through flood back. But at least I am lashing out against the wall, and not against another human being. For men, pride and shame play their part, and are the sole reasons why, in their silence, they suffer.

It could also be that the reason men refuse to leave the home is the fact that many may still love their partners. In my case, my love for my wife had died many years ago, but I put up with the mental abuse because I was not strong enough to leave. I knew no better. And there are thousands of men, up and down the country, who find themselves in the same position.

This destructive cycle has to end now, either by seeking help or escaping the family home, as I did in 2012. Yet help can only arrive when men are ready for it. Until men realise that enough is enough, that they are the abused and that there are laws to help them, then they will continue to suffer. Until then, male abuse will continue to be known as the silent and hidden tragedy.

Male abuse is a crime. It is as simple as that. Yet society treats men who suffer at the hands of their partners with much less sympathy than if it were women going through this. There are several reasons for this, not least because within society, there is a stigma attached to the whole concept and idea of men being attacked by women.

Society is comfortable with the fact that men can be killers, murderers. Yet there is something profound inside that stirs us uncomfortably when women are murdered and abused. Is this because women produce life and are the mothers that we go to when we are hurt, scared, or need comfort?

It is an amalgamation of all of this. So society turns a blind eye to men being attacked, raped and even abused within their home by women who are supposed to love them. This article focuses on the fact that so few men report this crime, through sheer shame and male pride. And as long as this crime remains unreported, it will persist.

Male abuse is the silent tragedy that takes place up and down the land. It happens behind closed doors and is the crime men dare not speak about. A lot is known about the abuse of women at the hands of men, but not so much information about men being abused by their wives/girlfriends.

This article takes a hard look at this and tries to put the record straight. That mental and physical abuse of men IS A CRIME, which should be dealt with using the full force of the law. Because, if the boot were on the other foot, men would be arrested and jailed.

If you are a male, suffering abuse at the hands of your female partner, watch the following video. You are not alone.