How to Keep Your Man
From a Man's heart: How to love me
Many young women have truncated their relationships just before the wedding day; some, after the wedding and it has been observed that their Spouses complain that the woman they married turned out not to be the lady they dated! How is that possible? Well, here are 10 things NOT to do while in Courtship - if you sincerely hope to have a long and happy (that is if you get to the Wedding Day):
1. DO NOT BE HASTY TO BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU HEAR: I once asked a lady why women fall for the same mistake with different men and she said, "The men tell them what they WANT to hear". In as much as you want to hear it, do not be hasty to believe it until you are convinced in your heart and spirit.
2. DO NOT BE QUICK TO GO TO BED WITH HIM: Many women think that the best way to prove their love and loyalty to their man is to go to bed with him. If he cannot wait till after your wedding to bask in the warmth of your loins, then he simply does not love you enough. Many men cheapen a woman because when they asked for sex, it came without much fuss.
3. DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR RELATIONSHIP SECRETS WITH YOUR FRIENDS: There are things which are private and best kept so. If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for the man you claim to love. Many relationships have been broken because the man found out that his secrets are not sacred with his fiancee.
4. DO NOT KEEP SECRETS FROM YOUR FIANCE: If you truly love him, tell him about yourself and tell him every hidden secrets that you have kept to yourself no matter how ugly. If he loves you, he will stay. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
5. DO NOT PRETEND TO BE WHAT YOU ARE NOT: A lady once told me that ladies ALWAYS pretend because it is in their nature to do so in their relationships. That is not so true! Can you keep up the pretence all your life? If your answer is no, then do not start what you cannot finish.
6. DO NOT KEEP ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP BY THE SIDE: Some young ladies have been known to have another relationship on the side in case the one they are focusing on disappoints them. If you do not have enough confidence to keep one, you cannot be sure of the other and once you learn to have divided loyalties, it can follow you into your marriage.
7. DO NOT ALLOW A PAST EXPERIENCE TO NEGATIVELY INFLUENCE THE PRESENT: Every new relationship is a new experience. If you allow yourself to hold on to the hurts of the past, you cannot effectively harness the present in order to enjoy the future.
8. DO NOT RESTRICT YOURSELF FROM EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE: Apart from sex and its appurtenances, express your love in other ways by buying him gifts, calling him to ask about his progress and generally making him feel like the man he is supposed to be in your life.
9. DO NOT WASH YOUR DIRTY LINEN IN PUBLIC: Please, oh! Please, do not engage in arguments with him in public. Express your displeasure but do not overdo it. There are many ways to tell him he has offended you without throwing a public tantrum!
10. DO NOT FORGET GOD: If you are a christian, you know this is the first thing you should hold on to; if you are not a christian, there is need to remember that nothing happens by coincidence. Events have a divine touch behind them and in a world such as ours, there is need to take a stand - for God, or not!
Now, GET CRACKING AT THAT RELATIONSHIP!
FOR THE MARRIED LADIES, MEN NEED THIS
It seems partial to always be on the side of the women and to give people the impression that the men do not need care. On the contrary, men need certain things from their women and the following seven (7) are just a few of the major ones that can help any relationship:
1. THEY LOVE TO BE IN CHARGE: It does seem this is a well-known characteristic. Some ladies would say - "Talk something else" but listen carefully. Some men want to do all the work to take care of the family, not letting the wife do anything and they demand the respect of being in charge. Others love to share the responsibility with their wives but still want to be seen as being in charge while a few leave all the work to the wife and still want to be seen as being "the man". It is how we are made and when the woman realises this and gives him this respect in full even if she picks the tab for everything, the relationship will be wonderful.
2. THEY LOVE TO BE PETTED BY THEIR WIVES: Has it ever occurred to you that in as much as most men want sons, they are putty in the hands of their daughters? Some women seem to stop petting their husbands after going through the pain of childbirth. They forget the pet names and even when they remember the pet names, they call it without the same passion with which they started. My wife learnt the secret of Abraham's long-lasting love with Sarah - She called him "Lord", not because he deserved it but because she loved him enough to see him as her everything! (1Peter 3:1-7).
3. THEY LOVE TO BE THE "ONLY" ONE: Men are naturally jealous. It is not because he does not trust you. It is simply because he always remembers what he went through to get you and as such he does not, in any way, want to see those who didn't suffer getting what he suffered to get and therefore every other "friend" is a suspect until proven otherwise. A wife, who truly wants to make her husband happy, should try as much as possible to read her husband's features because his feelings are always worn on his face. If he does not show any response (good or bad) then he either does not love you, or he is getting "it" somewhere else.
4. THEY NEED TO HEAR THEIR WIVES TELL THEM THEY ARE GOOD: No matter how anointed and capable and immensely talented a man is, if the woman he calls his own is not impressed in any way with what he does, he feels constantly deflated. In the same way, even if the entire Milky Way tells him he is a waste of everybody's time and his wife calls him her own personal champ, he will feel on top of the world - that is how much your opinion matters to him.
5. THEY NEED THEIR SPOUSES TO BE INTELLIGENT: Intelligence has nothing to do with education- it's just that with education, one has an edge; Illiteracy, therefore, is no excuse for a lack of intelligence. A man wants to walk into a room full of his mates and be able to brag about his wife education or not. With intelligence comes smartness and even the Bible says that the price of a virtuous (not educated) woman is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10-31). One of my wife's greatest skills is cooking and with it, she has wisdom and the ability to raise my standard of living - It is no wonder she is my "bestest" friend!
6. THEY NEED THEIR SPOUSES TO RETAIN THEIR SENSE OF ROMANCE: Forget the fact that his face looks like stone, just try this: Cook his best meal one cool Friday evening, get yourself a lingerie or nightie that is transparent and revealing, take a thorough scented bath and reset the bedroom to mirror your mood. Now, wear a sweet perfume, dress normally and welcome him at the door like you have never done before. Help him take off his sweaty clothes, lead him to the bathroom where water is ready for his bath, serve him his food and change into the nightie you bought...Tell me about it in the morning!
7. THEY NEED THEIR WIVES TO BE SEXUALLY UP TO DATE: Do not get me wrong! It is not all about what happens in B-movies. Sex was meant to be enjoyed IN MARRIAGE and everyone who partakes in pre-marital or extra-marital sex is STEALING sex. Some couples have turned sex into a routine time-table chore because maybe you switch off and allow him to huff and puff. Why not try different sex positions and a little more romantic foreplay? Men want their wives to be able to do to them in bed what they have never experienced before. If you do to him what you want him to do to you during sex, you will blow his mind!
At the risk of sounding vulgar and raw (without apologies) I want to advise some of our dear beautiful sisters to learn how to properly take a bath. Shave off all hair in your pubic regions and wash your "privates" at least three (3) times a day (in the morning during bath, when you return from work and in the evening during bath). I bet you, your spouses will literally climb all over you - as I am going to do tonight!