meet me in the middle field if you can....

OF WRONGDOING
AND RIGHT DOING
THERE IS A FIELD
I WILL MEET YOU THERE.'
Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th century

Look in the eyes
of two helpless souls
in whom LOVE
of the simplest
and purest kind
had found expression
and you tore one
from the other...

But who am I
to judge?
One thing
I have learnt
in life
If you don't want
to loose
the peace of mind
one is well served
by a degree
of both
humility
and charity
when judging
the inner working
of another person heart...

I keep writing so much
about LOVE
different shades of love
sometimes
about physical love
about lovers
whispering
across pillows
touching each other
was I writing about pleasure?
I see everything in images
maybe it is my inclination
to the visual art
so many of my words
have been accompanied
with even more images
so we can all bathe
in this lighthearted play
the food for thought
for any lonely heart...

At the end
we are waiting
ALL
against insurmountable odds
for something
extraordinary
to happen
to us...

Whatever reason
this light hearted play
has become the evil drama of the day
and I have become the instrument
of his family's rupture.
I remember when my grandparents fought
they did not stop
until a clear victor was declared!
It was their way
of sealing off
unpleasantness
to seal it with verdict
and keep it from leaking
into the normality of the next day,
this is the family arguments
I am used to fight
and everyone at my home
understands:)

Looking from outside in
a casual passerby
avoiding uncomfortably
her eyes
asking
what is the purpose
and why?
So many fights at home
are different
cruel in nature
they don't so much end
as dissipate
like a drop of ink
in a bowl of water
with a residual stain
that lingers
forever,
there is no respite
and no solution at the end
other than cause
as much harm and pain
as possible...

In cafes you see them
looking other way
couples
who spent whole their lives
together
in the same house
and you feel just sad
in the language of the ancient Slav
wife means BELOVED
you hear the man address
his wife
with anything but respect and love
and yet never they seem more distant
from each other in my eyes
than when he said it,
what has happened to him?
And what has happened to his BELOVED???

I think about
my own father
people found him
aloof
and often arrogant
he has a habit
of correcting your manners
your behaviour
or the way you talk
or laugh
with an air of superiority
but only if he knows you well,
otherwise he doesn't give a damn, smile..
because in his heart
this is how
he is able to show you
his care,
his love...

My mother entered room
he resided in
placed a platter of sweets
before him
refreshed his tea
and wiped his crumbs off his table
because this is how
BELOVED in my corner of the world
showed their care and love
and he barely noticed her
so she stopped to care
and looked other way
paying all her attention to her children
she had plenty to occupy your hands...

And then kids grow up
for a quarter of century
my mother’s daily existence
was shaped by their needs
now suddenly
she was free to do
as she wished
but at the start she found that freedom
illusory
for what she wished for the most
had been already gone…

But life goes on
and only those who change
with the circumstances
in the end
survive...
They say, forget about your health
the empty nest
and your hard work
that will stay with you
till the day you die
it is YOU
find the purpose
in your life
and LIVE IT!!!

So she did...

It all came to her
by surprise
because sometimes
it is only after
you have experienced it
for a while
you recognise your life
has a purpose
and likely one
you never had in mind
the life full filled
is the one
when you stop drifting aimlessly
and you TAKE A RIDE:)
That little hope
you leave something behind
something more
than few belongings
one practical marriage
and few kids
that live their own lives now…

And yet my mother was not sure
was she wrong or right
to take a ride?
To make something out of nothing
at the end of her life?

IS IT WRONG OR IS IT RIGHT?
TO WANT MORE
TO TRY TO REACH FOR STARS?
SHE JUST WANTED TO BE HAPPY
I guess...
BUT SHE ALSO KNEW
SHE WOULD BE JUDGED
that some people
feel UNHAPPINESS
the way others
feel LOVE
privately
intensely
and without recourse…

And those unhappy ones
never speak kindly
about those happy
brave few
who challenge their view…

Only late in life
I realised
how smart was her reply,
“I may not understand you,
and you never know me
why I have done
what I have done,
but you have right to your UNHAPPINESS
as I have my Happy right!’
smile...
as Rumi said wisely
there is no wrong
and there is no right,
so make me happy
and meet me in the middle field
if you can....