- Gender and Relationships»
- Dating & Online Dating
My boyfriend wants space
The “my boyfriend wants space”, problem isn’t all that unusual and there are three possibilities here:
- He doesn’t know what he wants
- He wants to date other people
- He is like a dear caught in the headlights (this one will take some explaining)
How to find out, which one is the reason your boyfriend wants space:
Everyone talks to someone, it’s hard to keep strong emotions bottled up inside. Guys tend to confide in one of their friends. But, it might also be a family member.
Now, you can’t walk up to this person and ask them: “Why does my boyfriend want space?” Telling you would compromise that trust. Ask the person to have a cup of coffee with you. Then ask them for “relationship advice”, share your feelings, see whether they recommend you move on or not.
To get more information you could also keep an eye on the behavior of your boyfriend. If he starts dating other people, it will be difficult to hide from you.
After some time has passed, you could consider sitting down with him and asking him to clarify his intentions.
How to deal with each of the 3 possible reasons
Before you move on decide whether you are really committed to the relationship. Do you love him? Are you willing to fight for the relationship?
1. He doesn’t know what he wants
People need to understand that love is a bit like a drug. Sometimes you need to pull back, clear your mind and take stock of the decisions, which you are making.
I recommend you don’t call him for 1 week. Then start communicating with him again. This should give him enough time to work through everything, in his head. If he doesn’t make up his mind, in a months time, then you have 2 options: leave him or push him to commit to you.
2. He wants to date other people
This is a difficult one, because you can’t force someone to love you. He might get out there and remember just why he was with you or he might not. If, he is worth it and that is a big if, go with a pull strategy rather than a push strategy. With that I mean act in a way that reminds your boyfriend, just how great you are. Do everything that a great girlfriend does. Don’t nag, threaten or get overly emotional.
3. He is like a dear caught in the headlights
Sometimes a guy will look at his life and your relationship and see his future cast in iron. He sees you getting married, getting a house with a white picket fence, 2 kids, growing old and dying. In that moment it’s like looking at a car crash in slow motion, you can see what’s going to happen, but you are powerless to stop it. It is a bit like a panic attack.
If this is the cause for your boyfriend wanting space, the good news is it isn’t personal. He has commitment issues and he will have them no matter who he is with. Some guys who have these issues bounce from one relationship to the next, without being able to commit to anyone.
This isn’t healthy all you can do is to work on the trust between you and not press him too hard.
Whichever is the cause of your “My boyfriend wants space” problems, if you keep your wits about you and approach the situation in a careful and thoughtful manner. There is a good chance that you can fix your relationship.