Troubled Teenage and Relationships

I am a 25 years old and have been through a lot of ups and downs in my teenage relationships. It all started when I was 17. The few relationships I have had, they all just fell apart somehow and I used to wonder what is wrong? Is it me or is it the other person? I have been called delusional and an emotional fool as well and this just went on till I was 22. It was really confusing. Even made me question my self-worth and seeing others being in year-long relationships made it even worse. Mine never lasted more than 6 months! Although I was pretty cool as a kid. Funny, smart with a bit of sarcasm and had a lot of friends. Always in the gang of cool kids at school. Not that pretty though.

Yet, relationships! *sigh*

Why did that happen?

Took me a lot of time figure out and understand but eventually, I did. It was because I thought very less of myself and would just fall for any guy who said he loved me.

It was lack of love since childhood. I was a troubled one. Grew up watching my mom n dad fight each other. Later it became worse when my dad started physically assaulting my Mom. Well, eventually they got separated and it was difficult. Me and my brother, we stayed with mom. We would hear her cry at night. Working like a maniac to meet all the financial needs. Those fights were etched in my mind. The day when my dad left, he even took the toys he got for us. It was weird afterward. I would miss dad sometimes and mom used to be at work or in the kitchen or doing laundry. She was just always busy trying to give us a good life. At school, kids would talk about their Dad's and I would just go quite not knowing what to say. I would hear their dad n daughter stories and wonder what it actually feels like to live with your father. I still don't know.

Growing up in such an environment affects a child's brain, their thinking process, their emotions and no one gets to know about that because the signs are not visible in the early stage because kids don't communicate about it. They don't even understand what's happening. And, all the insecurities come out in the growing up phase. Some end up being really aggressive and some become a rebel. Parents are a vital part of one's life as we acquire a majority of the traits from them. Kid's who are raised by a single parent always have some or the other issues. We all read, know and talk about the love of a mother. Can you think of a child growing up missing out on mother's love? There is a very huge and important part missing in their lives. Single parents also end up giving less time to their child because of the responsibilities they have. One person doing the job of two people, a mother, and a father. It's exhausting, I know it. I saw my mother all those years and there was nothing I could do about it.

You understand now?

That's where it all comes from. I just always wanted to just find that one guy and be with him forever and ever. Nicholas spark. Ugghhhh. Maybe somewhere to fill the void my father had left. My first boyfriend, in high school. We were head over heels in love with each other and I thought 'yayyyieee this is it'. But we broke up once we graduated. We had become a different person by then. He became very aggressive and started physically assaulting me and that made me go more into hiding. I dated a couple of other guys but got over them after a few months and few of them cheated on me then I ended up cheating on few. All of that just to be with someone and to be loved. To just somehow find the missing pieces. I didn't even know I was doing that.

If you scored more than 60% in the quiz, then you are doing it right. The first step towards your betterment is to be aware because then only you would be able to work on it and if you have scored less than 60%, try and turn those answers into a 'Yes' in your lives. Be honest to yourself while answering because this is for you to know and understand. Not to show others that you are doing it right.

And things started getting better.

It could have been a never-ending cycle. But, slowly and steadily I figured it out. There was nothing wrong with me. I was young, craving love, guidance and was not wise enough to understand a lot of things or sensible enough to make the right choice. I realized that I have not yet found the right person. Yes, that's all. When you don't have to explain to them who you are and where you come from every time you act weird. They understand you and they don't mess you up further. Nothing too dramatic! If you are in a situation like that, just wait out. Keep yourself away from these toxic relationships. They can really mess you up if you don't get out at the right time. Try and understand yourself better. Talk to yourself. Work upon your insecurities. Get yourself professional help if need be. It helps you figure out a lot of things. I sought professional help and it did wonders for me.

Most importantly, hang in there. You are not alone. You'll get through. It's just a rough patch and you are going to come out of it stronger than ever.