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Negotiations and Fairness

Updated on September 5, 2014

Why do they need to be in my relationship?

We negotiate everyday with the people we interact with, really no way around some of that. In the stores where we go grocery shopping or clothes shopping. You have a clerk ask you if you need any help finding something and in all fairness it will depend on how they approach you. This is usually something we do without even thinking about it. As a child we negotiated with our parents and the outcome would be the end result of how our parents negotiated with us. The fairness portion is a little more complicated to some extent, what would be fair for one may not be fair for someone else.

Using negotiating skills in our relationships is very important so that we keep all avenues open for communication. Some may think that if you are negotiating things in your relationship that it is a sign of being weak or that your relationship is in some sort of trouble. However, neither of those has to be true, it is useful to keep your relationship strong and healthy. When you find that you are have some disagreements then negotiations are definitely in order, and both parties will be pleased with the outcome.

Know What Makes Them Tick: How to Successfully Negotiate Almost Any Situation
Know What Makes Them Tick: How to Successfully Negotiate Almost Any Situation

Being able to persuade your partner to look outside of the box.


Negotiate Do Not Dictate - This is a time to make things better.

Some things you should do to prepare for negotiating in a relationship:

  • You must plan for it. Before you begin, you need to know what it is you want to achieve, and how you can achieve it.
  • Do this face to face. You need to be able to see their reactions and how they are receiving the message. If you do this over the phone, miscommunication is mostly to happen.
  • Set the stage or atmosphere. It will be best to do this when both are in a good mood and in a position to devote their full attention to you.
  • Be prepared. To be successful you need to build up all the positive things about this negotiation. You need to be able to get your partner excited about it and to know that they are listening to your proposition.
  • Psych yourself up as well. You have to know that what you are proposing will work and you have to be able to make the other person believe that as well.
  • Changing someone’s perception. Knowing how to influence your partner is helpful and being able to alter how they see the importance of these changes and the difference it will make for your relationship.
  • Do not reject your partners counter offer if one is made. You need to listen to their concerns as well. And it is important that they feel like they are a part of the answer

Steve Harvey

Not only is this man an excellent author, he is funny and hosts The Family Feud. Along with having his own daytime talk show he is a God fearing man. He also organized a boys ranch for those who are less fortunate.

He has children and has been married for over ten years. Steve has been a lot of my inspiration for writing also. He knows how to talk to people and he gives excellent advice. Frankly after watching his talk show I usually walk away with new information that I can apply to my articles.

If you want a good book to read, straight talk is one of his finest books. Take a peak, I promise you will enjoy it as well.

Fairness In Negotiating.

Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

When we negotiate with others, it is not meant to try and make someone change their mind but to change their perception so that they can understand the other person's point of view. This is where you want to, let's say sell your idea and what benefits that it holds for the both of you. You also want to keep the communication door open, so try not to reject any offers that your partner may come up with.

Unfortunately fairness is kind of a myth, but there are some things you can do to try and make it fair for both sides. One thing is to keep an open mind about what your partner may need and want. When you meet the needs for both partners then we have a fair negotiation. Secondly, if your partner has some resistant to the idea, learn to compromise a little. It should be a give and take so that what you are offering (give) is suitable for both. Then when you have to make an adjustment with the offer (this would be the taking), so that the other person feels like all of their needs and wants have been met as well.


  • picture of Man and Women - out of Peoples magazine
  • picture of Balance off my Attorney's business card.

Negotiate or not to Negotiate..that is the question?

Do you feel you should negotiate in your relationship?

See results

As it is part of our everyday life...

Whether or not we want to we do it everyday. Being fair while we negotiate is not an easy task.

We undoubtedly negotiate with our children when they are wanting to stay up late on a Friday night, or a spouse when they want something different for dinner. So how do we remain fair with these negotiations.

Stay calm, take the time to listen to the other person.

© 2014 Catherine Frias


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