- Gender and Relationships
Bad Habits & Traits that are NOT Deal Breakers
Dating is hard. No, correct that: Dating is excruciating. There are so many things to do right and one little wrong can ruin everything. Certainly, there are some serious deal breakers, like he’s not at all interested in ever having children and you can hear your biological clock ticking like a time bomb in your brain. But not everything has to be a deal breaker. There are some areas where we, as women, could stand to give a little, if the guy is worth it. Read on and see if you agree. If not, feel free to comment at the end.
#1: He picks his nose.
Gross, right? Well, we all do some weird things when we are all alone. Women are notorious for picking at acne. Lots of people think that’s gross, and doctors even tell us not to do it. But picking his nose is not the end of the world, as long as he’s not flicking his findings across the room or rubbing it under the couch cushions. If it really bothers you, politely offer him a Kleenex a couple of times and if he doesn’t get the hint, ask him nicely to please take care of his nose hygiene in the bathroom. You could even tell him it’s affecting your libido, but it’s not a good reason to kick him to the curb if he is an otherwise suitable match for you.
#2: He watches too much football.
If you are not an avid sports fan and your man is, you may consider finding someone who shares more of your interests. But consider this for just a moment, does he like 50 Shades of Grey or spending hours online shopping only to delete the entire cart full of stuff? Odds are he doesn’t, but he deals with it because he likes you. Find some things the two of you can enjoy together, but unless he is seriously dismissing his boyfriend duties in favor of constantly sitting in front of the TV, then give him a little slack on this one.
#3: He’s not interested in your gossip.
Let’s face it, women like to gossip. Some women will say they don’t gossip or don’t enjoy gossiping, but they cleverly disguise gossip as “stories” about their friends. If halfway through the sordid details of your BFF’s latest rendezvous, your guy nods off or totally zones out, there is no need to freak out. It doesn’t mean he hates your friends or he doesn’t want to listen to you. Men are just wired a little different in this respect. They tend to be much more to the point, while women’s stories tend to wind around and around and around and…well, you get it. If you want to tell him something and you want him to hear it, keep it short, to the point, and at least somewhat interesting.
#4: He dresses bad. Real bad.
I know a lot of women who judge a man by what he is wearing and how he wears it. I listened to a story once where a woman described in detail the awful shoes a man wore on a date and the fact that she absolutely could not get past it. Come on! Men can be completely clueless about clothes. You’re lucky if your man understands the black shoes, black belt combo, let alone complementary tie colors, shirt patterns, and what to wear under a v-neck. This is an area of his life where he may welcome your input. Just be gentle. Don’t tell him he looks like a 3rd grader when he’s spent the better part of a half an hour getting ready for a date. Notice the clothes he has that you like. Compliment them. Offer to go shopping with him and give him lots of praise when he looks good. Men respond far better to positive reinforcement than criticism.
#5: He has bad hair.
Perhaps he doesn’t know how to style it or it’s just naturally awful. If he doesn’t know how to style it, see the suggestions in #4 and adapt them to hair. If he is balding and doesn’t know how to let go of those last few strands on the sides, tell him how sexy you think totally bald is. If it’s kinky curly and out of control, perhaps a visit to a good hair stylist would help. Or better yet, learn to love getting your hands in that mess of hair. Whatever you choose here, dumping him because his hair sucks is not the right choice.
#6: He’s shorter than you.
I know I’m going to get backlash from women on this one. There are millions of women in the world who refuse to date someone shorter than them or even someone who matches their height. But let’s take just a minute to seriously consider this. What is it about his height-impaired status that really bothers you? Does he seem like less of a man than a taller guy? Are you concerned about bedroom issues? Are you afraid that if a saber-tooth tiger jumps out from behind a tree to eat you a short guy will not be able to defend you? Whatever your concerns are, I bet they can be addressed. A man’s height does not define him any more than a woman’s weight defines who she is as a person. Women get all up in arms if a man comments that she is too heavy, but women constantly give short guys a hard time, if not to their face, then behind their back and to their girlfriends. If you take a second to get to know someone, you will be surprised how little you notice their height. Instead you will be thinking about how sweet or masculine he is. I’m not saying to ditch all your preferences, but I am saying if he’s interesting, give him a chance, even if he doesn’t meet your height requirement.
#7: He doesn’t put the commode seat down.
My mother hates this. She says it is disrespectful and rude for a man to leave a commode seat up. Women can fall into the commode and potentially drown in the middle of the night and no one will be around to hear them scream. This is one area where my mother and I must agree to disagree. I happen to notice the commode seat when I go into the restroom and if it is up, I put it down. My man also seems to notice and if it is down, he puts it up. It is not worth breaking bad on each other and it’s certainly not worth ending a relationship. There are much more important things to worry about when two people try to spend their lives together. So save the big, bad temper tantrum for when he comes home late without calling or when he forgets your anniversary. Those things seem so much more important than the commode seat.
Disclaimer: The author assumes no responsibility in the event that any of my readers drown in the commode due to a raised commode seat. My condolences to your friends and family.
Which of these traits is a deal breaker for you?
© 2013 Leah Wells-Marshburn