Quiz: Anger and Relationships - Are You Walking on Eggshells?
Dealing With Relationships Problems
You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, but constantly walking on eggshells can only do you harm. This is the situation you are in when you are afraid that whatever you say to your significant other could result in an angry, emotional or even abusive flareup.
The periods in between such flareups can cause a good deal of emotional damage. It is the cumulative effect of these flareups that cause feelings of isolation, emptiness and dread.
This quiz will help you determine whether this feeling is a problem in your life. Try reading the questions aloud: hearing your own voice asking the questions and stating the answers may draw out your emotions and heighten the impact of what you are reading.
What Does It All Mean?
Have you taken the quiz? If not, do so above, then read this for analysis
If you are involved with an abusive or resentful partner, you may feel, at least occasionally, that you need to tiptoe around his or her moods in the hopes of avoiding criticisms, putdowns, the cold shoulder or outright blowups, and that you always have to edit what you say.
You may start to second-guess what you thought was right and wrong, the values, judgments, and opinions that you held for many years, your perception of reality, and even your very sense of self.
Nothing seems to be good enough anymore. The areas you once thought you excelled in now seem to be deficient.
This can be enormously destructive to your self-confidence and self esteem. It's easy to get overwhelmed by the complexities of your partner's moods, trying to keep track of what you need to do and say and how you're supposed act and any particular moment in order to keep the peace. If you feel you must act one way one moment and a different way the next, depending on your partner's moods, your self-confidence can go into the gutter!
You must cast off the shackles if you are to heal and grow. You must not be dependent on another person for your sense of emotional well-being. That is the first thing that must change.
Don't fall for your partner's constant insistence that you are the one who must make all the changes. Fairness dictates otherwise. No one is entirely to blame, just as no one is entirely blameless. You could not be the cause of all of the problems in your relationship, no matter what your partner may say. Understanding and accepting this is the first step to healing.
Dealing with Anger in Your Relationship
Anger - Is It Ruining Your Relationship?
When we feel helpless are frustrated, we often tend to get angry. It is a natural reaction, but anger is not an emotion that operates from a position of strength. It is one that occurs when we feel that we have lost control of a situation.
When this happens, we tend to feel very helpless. We may feel victimized and angry at the one who we believe is not treating us right. A certain amount of frustration and helplessness may exist in all relationships. After all, things don't always go exactly as we might want.
How is your relationship? If you feel angry at your partner for any reason, you should understand why that is so.
Anger can exist towards someone for any number of reasons. Money is a frequent cause of anger and frustration. For example, perhaps your partner has overspent and caused you to go off budget. this can cause a feeling of helplessness and lack of confidence about your ability to manage your finances. Anger is a common and perhaps even understandable reaction in such situations.
Another example is if you and your partner have shared confidences with one another that you agreed not to share with anyone, and you find out that your partner has broken this promise. You may get angry at your partner and your partner may in turn become angry with you. Perhaps your partner brings up some indiscretion of your own. This can cause you to become even angrier. It feeds on itself.
Chronic feelings of anger can carry with them a good deal of danger for a relationship. If the feelings of anger, irritation or resentment become a permanent feature of the relationship, it can eat away at the love. The focus of the relationship goes from being centered on love to being centered around resentment.
This could cause you to start to look at your relationship as a source of frustration rather than enjoyment or satisfaction. Perhaps you will see your partner as a source of trouble and tension. Perhaps you will start to expect new troubles or irritations to occur in the relationship. This will cause a feeling of helplessness because, of course, your partner will not change despite your angry outbursts.
It can become a cycle of one partner making mistakes and the other becoming angry, or the two partners taking turns being angry at each other, a cycle that is very corrosive to any relationship.
If you find this is happening, then you and your partner need to sit down and have a calm, rational talk with each other. Explain the way you feel and accept responsibility for your own mistakes. After all, no one is perfect. If you promise to change and improve (and this includes controlling your temper) then it increases the chances that your partner will make a good faith effort to improve as well.
If having these talks with one another does not improve the relationship, then perhaps a breakup is imminent. However, by getting the issues out into the open, you'll greatly improve your chances of improving the relationship. The alternative may be to kiss your relationship goodbye.
Alpha Male or a Romantic?
How many of us can be the leader of the pack? Personally, I think this whole alpha male business is overrated. How many of our best, romantic classical poets fell into the category of "alpha male?" Far more important than being an alpha anything is to be a romantic. But just what exactly is romance?
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