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Quiz: Do You Have Enough Intimacy and Love In a Relationship?

Updated on September 24, 2012

Do You Know How To Make A Good Relationship?

An intimate, loving relationship is one that is highly satisfying. It means that you are able to reveal yourself completely to your partner, that you feel the need to hide nothing, that the two of you feel completely comfortable together. It is a type of freedom that is very unique and very satisfying.

In a way, an intimate relationship is a little like talking to yourself. You are so close to your partner and you feel so comfortable in your relationship that sharing a conversation occurs as freely as talking to yourself.

Such a relationship has a great deal of meaning and can be a great source of joy. Too often, however, relationships are restricted solely to the physical elements, and the emotional needs of the partners go unmet.

Do you desire an intimate relationship? Is it what you are looking for? Have you considered all that it entails? To do so, you should ask yourself a few questions:

love in a relationship
love in a relationship

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Intimacy And Commitment In Relationships

Only you can answer these questions for yourself. Even so, it will not always be easy. It will require much self reflection and soul-searching. These questions will help you to come to grips with your deeply-felt needs and understand not only what will satisfy you but will bring you great joy.

Also consider your own behavior. If you desire an intimate relationship, you might ask yourself why it does not seem to be developing. Perhaps your own attitudes and actions have played a role in it.

Consider your choice of partner. If you are already in a relationship and it has not developed the intimacy you desire, you should consider why this may be so. Don't be afraid to ask your partner about his or her opinion. Such conversations can lead to new insights and can create a closer bond between two people.

You may wish to take the scientific approach to the matter. Take some small steps to improve the intimacy in your relationship and see what results. If you are happy with the outcome, then you can take additional steps to bring your relationship to deeper and more intimate levels.

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Where Is True Love?

A lot of people are confused about true love. What exactly is it? Does it actually exist? Is it attainable? If so, how?

Love is one thing. But "true love" seems to be something quite different!

Even talking about love can be risky. I can imagine if I were to take a poll and ask those who are looking for love exactly what they were looking for, I would get a lot of different answers, including some "I don't knows."

Love is subjective, and its definition depends a great deal on one's own experiences and interpretation. It also raises a lot of questions.

When we are discussing love here we are not talking about the feelings a child and a parent may have for each other or love between siblings. We're talking about an intimate relationship.

It could be said that true love is that which lasts a lifetime. However, it is safe to say that true love involves certain core elements. Indeed, our discussion will likely raise even more questions.

Love At First Sight

Is "love at first sight" true love? Or does love take time to grow and develop?

Two people may indeed fall in love with each other during their initial encounter. However, that spontaneous and rapturous experience in which two people lock eyes with each other, time seems to be compressed and an irrepressible stirring within their hearts occurs even before they open their mouths is likely something that happens only in the movies.

The true defining moment is when two people actually begin speaking to one another, for it is then that they start to find out what the other is truly like. The initial spark that ignited between them may grow into an open flame, or it may be extinguished. It all depends on the rapport they establish with one another. A false feeling of "love at first sight" may be doused rather quickly.

Forming a good rapport is a sort of mutual discovery. It is when two people discover that they like each other's company, that they have a certain chemistry between themselves, that they feel at ease talking about anything and everything-then all this can cause a rapport to deepen still further.

After attraction, the excitement can become still greater when desire and sex enter into the equation.

But is forming a relationship that was "meant to be" just a matter of luck? It is easy to assume that it was just two people's "destiny" to find each other, but the two people involved have to make it happen. Certainly, there is a degree of conscious intention that results in purposeful action.

The formation of rapport is a sort of joint effort that involves two people who like each other and wish to get to know one another better. It is a mutual understanding resulting in a deeper connection between two people.

Other pleasant surprises can follow this feeling of deep mutual understanding. Along with eye gazing and communication with one another on a deep level comes a feeling of excitement-a feeling that the two people know each other as no one else does.

Finally, the two participants feel that they have met someone with whom they can be completely free, open and understood. This can be the highest of all highs!

True Love vs. Infatuation

But does this love fade eventually? How long does it last?

Of course, there are no guarantees in life, but it could be said that true love will continue as long as both parties are able to communicate intimately with one another. Consistency can strengthen a bond and deepen a relationship.

Is true love simply a matter of being turned on when around one's significant other or of having great sex? What exactly does it feel like? Is the feeling substantial and long-lasting, or is it simply a temporary burst of excitement?

Is it a feeling of profound and steady contentment, of "living happily ever after" or is it a difficult journey fraught with challenges that can threaten the relationship?

It is important to make a distinction between true love and infatuation. The emotion of love is the entering of an altered state of mind, an exciting, intense experience, a high that is like running on adrenaline. Infatuation can engender many of these same feelings.

Two people may be intensely turned onto each other during infatuation but intimacy may be another matter. They tend to look at each other through rose colored glasses and often end up overwhelmed and disillusioned when reality sets in.

They may naïvely assume that this altered state of mind will last forever. Most likely they don't have the relationship experience to know when true intimacy is lacking. Their relationship hasn't yet been challenged by conflicts or differences with each other. Their distorted perceptions may cause a sense of false security.

Sex

Another important distinction between infatuation and true love is sex, or I should say the quality of it.

Confusion is inherent in the words we use to describe our sexual interactions. Saying that one was intimate with another implies a misunderstanding between emotional and mere physical intimacy.

Then there is the expression "making love" in which physical intimacy is confused with true love. An initial attraction, a feeling of desire and even great sex can imply more of a relationship than there actually is.

Because of this confusion, it is better not to conflate true love or emotional intimacy with mere attraction, desire or sex. Even satisfying sex does not guarantee a great relationship or emotional intimacy. They are two very different beasts indeed!

The reason for this distinction is that emotional bonding and sharing are quite a bit harder to achieve than the pleasure and excitement associated with sex.

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The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved
The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved

BUILD THE STRONG, DEEPLY POWERFUL RELATIONSHIPS YOU'VE ALWAYS DESIRED We all crave the heartwarming, incomparable connection of intimacy. But oftentimes, this complete, unrestrained sharing of ourselves is too daunting a task. Now, in The Seven Levels of Intimacy, Matthew Kelly explains step by step how to move beyond our fears and experience the power of true intimacy. By achieving each of Kelly's seven levels, we can understand and gain confidence in our partners and ourselves until we are fully able to experience love, commitment, trust, and happiness. With profound insight and the use of powerful and relatable examples, The Seven Levels of Intimacy redefines the most important relationships in our lives and how we view our interactions with one another. By finally comprehending and experiencing the great depths of intimacy, we can create the strong connections, deep joy, and lasting bonds that we all long for in our lives.

 
Intimacy (Unrated, Widescreen Edition)
Intimacy (Unrated, Widescreen Edition)

Studio: E1 Entertainment Release Date: 01/06/2004

 
The Intimacy Struggle: Revised and Expanded for All Adults
The Intimacy Struggle: Revised and Expanded for All Adults

The struggle for intimacy is a complex issue, key to the happiness of every man and woman. It goes on for all of us as long as we live. To be intimate is to be close, to be vulnerable, qualities that are very different from the survival skills we learned. This book will help clarify the issues for you. You can learn to: Identify family myths to make you wonder whether having a healthy, intimate relationship is possible.Know the questions to ask to find out whether you and your partner have a long-term future together.Be aware of misunderstandings that can sabotage your relationship.Express your feelings and fears so as to avoid misunderstandings.Find our what to do when your relationship is not working.Create good relationships.Acquiring intimacy skills can be difficult, but through understanding and effort, they can be learned. This insightful book is a good place to begin.

 
Intimacy (R-Rated Full Screen Edition)
Intimacy (R-Rated Full Screen Edition)

What starts out as a weekly anonymous tryst between a divorced man and a married woman turns into a searing portrait of loneliness and emotional need. Directed by Patrice Chereau (Queen Margot), INTIMACY won the Golden Bear for Best Film at the 2001 Berlin Film Festival where lead actress Kerry Fox also won the Best Actress Award. Based on Hanif Kureishiâs controversial novel, INTIMACY was selected to play at the Sundance and New York Film Festivals. DVD extras include the original theatrical trailer and cast and filmmaker bios.

 
Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other
Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other

"Hit-and-run" relationships have become common in our society as it has grown more rootless, less tied to traditional family structures, and more accepting of casual sex. But at the same time, there arises an undercurrent of feeling that something is missing-a quality of intimacy.This quality has very little to do with the physical, though sex is certainly one possible door. Far more important is a willingness to expose our deepest feelings and vulnerabilities, with the trust that the other person will treat them with care. Ultimately, the willingness to take the risk of intimacy has to be grounded in an inner strength that knows that even if the other remains closed, even if that trust is betrayed, we will not suffer any permanent damage.In this gentle and compassionate guide, Osho takes his readers step-by-step through what makes people afraid of intimacy, how to encounter those fears and go beyond them, and what they can do to nourish themselves and their relationships to support more openness and trust.OSHO challenges readers to examine and break free of the conditioned belief systems and prejudices that limit their capacity to life in all its richness. He has been described by the Sunday Times of London as one of the "1000 Makers of the 20th Century" and by Sunday Mid-Day (India) as one of the ten people-along with Gandhi, Nehru, and Buddha-who have changed the destiny of India. More than a decade after his death in 1990, the influence of his teachings continues to expand, reaching seekers of all ages in virtually every country of the world.

 

The Circumstances of Love

So does falling in love depend on prevailing circumstances, a matter of merely being in the right place at the right time?

There are situations that are more conducive to falling in love than others. One is when two people meet while traveling outside of their normal environment.

Another is at work. When people work together they are within intimate proximity of each other for an extended period of time and they are focused on similar goals and striving to meet similar challenges.

Work affords endless opportunities to gain mutual respect and trust. This is especially true in situations such as in the military, in which soldiers must not only rely on each other in dangerous circumstances but live and train with each other for months or even years.

Police and firefighters also must depend on one another. And those who have been through an extreme experience together such as a natural disaster, frequently form a unique rapport, bond and understanding of each other due to having gone through the same trying experience.

The question is whether such intimacy can continue to be sustained outside of the experience that had such a bonding influence. Sometimes, after the circumstances that formed such a strong bond between two people ends, so does the attraction and camaraderie between each other. If the relationship continues on, only then it can be called true love.

Sexual relations can involve a whole different set of dynamics. Sexual relations do not necessarily translate into a truly intimate relationship.

Indeed, intimacy may be the operative word here. When a true intimacy is established, true love is more likely to follow.

How to Gain Intimacy On the First Date with Touch

Want to avoid a crash and burn when you go out on a date? Want to avoid disaster?

Of course you do, so here are a few useful tips you should keep in mind when going out with someone, especially if the process is new to you.

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Did you take the quiz? How did you do? Did you learn something? What would you add?

Comments on Intimacy - How did you do?

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    • VspaBotanicals profile image

      VspaBotanicals 5 years ago

      Hmmm :) thanks for the lens.

    • WilliamPower profile image

      WilliamPower 5 years ago

      We get along just fine.