- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Relationships: Do We Save Our Best For The Beginning?
Growing together VS Growing apart
It seems early on in life we're taught to behave differently with “new people, new things, and new opportunities”
Clichés such as “Dress to impress”, “You Never Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression”, and “Always Put Your Best Foot Forward” .
Most people appreciate “the new” and take “the old” for granted….
We put more effort into getting something than we do to keep it.
Competiton brings out "the best" in us.
A man interviewing for a new position expresses enthusiasm, is full of positive energy, and is genuinely grateful for the new opportunity.
He shows up to work fifteen minutes early Monday morning to begin his day…etc
Five years later he's twenty minutes late, a co-worker makes a comment about it. His response, “They’re lucky I showed up!”
Someone buys a new car.
They wash/wax it every weekend and have it detailed every six months.
Two years later it’s got an inch of dirt on it and the interior looks like a grenade went off.
A couple just started dating.
The man comes by the woman’s house one Saturday afternoon. She offers to make him a sandwich or cook him something to eat.
Five years later this same man asks, “Honey, Will you make me a sandwich?”
She says, “You got two hands fix it yourself!”
Change brings Change….
One day you look up and that “special someone” walks out of your life.
The exciting career opportunity that became a “job” is now being eliminated.
Some things are beyond our control and no matter how much effort we exert a happy ending was not in the cards. However if we’re being honest in most instances for one reason or another we let things slide and stop putting in the same kind of effort we did in the beginning.
In essence when we changed our circumstance changed.
Sofas And Gardens…
Relationships are more like gardens than sofas. When you get a new sofa you bring it home, pick out a spot for it, and pretty much leave it alone. A lot of people (not all) take the same approach with relationships/marriages.
“Now that I’m married I can relax”, “I’m so glad to be out of the dating scene”.
They stop working out, they pack on the pounds, stop flirting with their mates, stop seducing one another, stop taking showers together, stop buying flowers or sending cards for no reason, stop complimenting each other, stop gazing into each other’s eyes, stop listening intently, stop being open to new things and suggestions, stop having candlelight dinners, stop trying to surprise each other…
They lull themselves into believing there’s no competition out there. In other words they stopped being the people that won the hearts of their mate!
How many times have you heard someone say, “He/she is not the same person I fell in love with?”.
After the relationship ends and a person finds himself back in the dating scene.
The cycle repeats itself.
Suddenly they’re working out, losing weight, dressing nice, trying new things, and in some instances these are things they refused to do with their ex!
They’ll say, “Yes” to anything rather than risk losing the opportunity to be with you in the beginning.
There are many who say becoming lazy is natural. However no one says the following to someone they just met,
“I hope you know in a year, 5 years, or 10 years from now I won’t be doing all these nice things for you! You can forget about wild passionate sex, I hate going to musicals, oral sex will be a thing of the past, the only reason I went to the game, ballet, or shopping with you was because I thought you were hot! Once you’re mine I won’t feel the need to impress your ass!”
It’s been said relationships/marriages require “work”.
Most of that "work" should take place in the selection process.
Knowing who you are, what you want in a relationship, and having the same approach to achieving “happiness” as you define it… that should take place during the screening process.
The rest of the “work” is about making sure you’re staying on track
Much like the work required in a garden…pulling weeds, planting new seeds, watering, nurturing, and when necessary fighting to keep the pests out.
Always keep in mind that whatever you are taking for granted someone else would be glad to have. Competition never dies for something worthwhile.
Whether it is a prime position at a company or a wonderful companion someone wants what you have.
Never stop working to keep what you’ve earned.
Let those around you know “your best is yet to come.”
May your relationship be like a fine wine getting better with time.
Any champion will tell you wining the title is easier than holding onto it.
The “challenger” is usually hungrier than the “titleholder”.