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Could you Be In A Relationship For All The Wrong Reasons?

Updated on May 4, 2011

happiness is out there

Don't be afraid to be happy!

Many people get together for all the wrong reasons. They are lonely and desperate for companionship and often times settle for the first person that shows them some attention.  This is often an ingredient for a later disaster. Sure, you try to persuade yourself that you love them and that things will get better, but, will it?

This relationship is all too often a one sided relationship. One partner is given 70% toward making things work, while the other is often only interested controlling the relationship. Often times in a relationship like this, one person becomes very dominate and the other totally submissive.

This may go on for years, but the submissive person will grow weary of mental and verbal abuse. The worst of these couples seem to be when the male is the submissive partner. They tend to take the abuse longer and repress feeling for far longer than the female counterpart.  Once the home is established, the mortgage, bills and kids become the reason that the man will continue to stay. It becomes harder and harder to walk away, especially when he knows that the court systems are geared toward the woman, and walking away will mean financial ruin.

On the other hand, if the female is the submissive one, especially in a medium to high income household, she will tend to walk away sooner. The reason is the same as stated above.  The courts are geared toward the woman, so if she walks, she continues to be compensated from the man for years to come. This makes things a lot easier on the repressed woman to leave than the man.

This just one type of relationship that is usually doomed from the start, another is the relationship where you just don’t have anything in common. This is another form of relationship that if formed from desperation or loneliness. I’ve seen this type of relationship hundreds of times.

The man may love the outdoors, camping and boating. The woman doesn’t want anything to do with it. The woman may love going to the mall to window shop, the man has no use for that. They may try to compromise, but the same argument happens every time. When the man doesn’t want go to the mall, he is accused of not wanting to spend time doing things together. It becomes an abusive type of guilt trip designed to hurt feeling, forcing participation. On the other hand, if the man offers up a suggestion to go do something he would like to do, it becomes an instant no, and no amount of argument will persuade them to participate.

So if either of these examples sound like your situation; one, don’t go thru your life being unhappy. Two, talk about it to someone. Often a fresh ear can give you a better perspective.  If you are just going thru the motions day after day expecting things to change, don’t. Things don’t change without communication and willingness for them to change. Often dramatic life changing events have to occur before change can be for the better. Don’t be afraid to make yourself happy.


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      No Name 

      8 years ago

      As a guy I have to agree with the courts being biased against you, but I disagree with your implied advice that you can change things with the same person. It generally just doesn't work. Instead, I'd advise getting a FWB on the side to share your good times and true self with. These are the real people in your lives who accept you for you as you are. Otherwise, as a guy, getting a divorce just means you're cleaned out AND you're trying start over. Not a good place to be.


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