- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
LOVE: HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FOUND MR/MS "RIGHT"?
The most common questions people (mostly women) ask me while I do the counselling are:
Have I met my soulmate?
Have I recently broke with only true love of my life?
Is he (was he) Mr.Right or Mr.Wrong?
Term "soulmates" is very old...it is legend which says that each of us was separated a long time ago on two parts. But the other part we desperately seek is actually our own higher consciousness...unconditional love within us -for all, not for the one person only.
Nowadays love experience of majority of people looks more like soap-opera then ever. We live in turbulent times, our relationships are very often turbulent ones. World is changing, traditional roles in family are definitely changing, all together looks like big creative mess of some famous artist, before new art is created. I perceive it like new dawn of humanity who has to find new ways how to relate to each other on the more reasonable, honest and responsible levels then before. Whatever we have illusion of, a lot of "good old ways and rules" in families and societies did not work, if they did, whole planet would be in Paradise already...
Although we are all ONE, and created from the same cosmic source, between men and women is definitely big difference...Nowadays women usually expect the Prince of Charming who is their Hero and Saviour, most often men expect just passion and no responsibility. Even when they are ready to commit, men much more tend to have funny and comfortable life, women want to carry the burden of the whole world on their back ...at least on the beginning of the commitment, till the point they start to realize they accepted too many responsibilities (f.E. full-time job, children, housekeeping...too much of it on one person). Very often typical female quote is : "I will manage ALL that somehow, I MUST do it" and on the opposite site is men`s motto "life is big game, letś enjoy it". I must admit that women has to learn something from men: to enjoy life more, and not to rush into deep ocean of responsibilities, before everybody in the relationship is completely ready to accept it. There is NO "MUST" on the beginning...only good will. "TO MUST" begins with credits and children, not before.
Be honest with yourself
Each person we meet and have relationship with is Mr. or Ms. Right. At least for certain period of time. We can learn something from everybody, everybody has some qualities to be exchanged with us. Even Mr/Ms Wrong is Mr/Ms Right...or was Right for some time, for some lessons to be learned... But marriage + children are something we should not be played with (nor men neither women).
Our relationships are created on our conscious and subconscious levels. They are materialized projections of our inner sweet dreams and night-mares, of our hopes and fears.
Quantity of love and passion we feel for somebody is not a guarantee that this is the person we have to live with "happily ever after". Very often the big passionate loves do not have "happy ending", they might burn themselves and become ash and dust, or can survive and be every day stronger and more romantic. There are not rules, no generalizing.
Basics of every relationship are friendship, respect and mutual understanding, all of these do not come overnight. For everything in this life we need love,time and patience. Love, time and patience are magic sticks which can create sparkling miracles in all areas of our life, especially in our relationships.
Last year I had many "love offers" from the guys, but none of them wanted relationship, just affair. Then I had honest conversation with myself, and realized that this situation happened because I was not ready for commitment, I needed full freedom, and that is why only such opportunities were around. When I felt more ready, situation changed.
If you cannot find the "right" person for you, it is not question of your bad luck: it is about your inner readiness for certain level of commitment, or lack of any. After few "bad" or "wrong" relationships, we might become more ready and grateful to accept the good one. On that way we can more appreciate Mr/Ms Right: permanent, long-standing relationship.
So be honest to yourself, and before you enter into the relationship, or even if you have "wrong" one, have a little chat with yourself, possibly in the front of mirror:
1. What I do want from relationship? (I, just Me, not my parents, relatives or friends) Do I want just flirt or romance, or I am ready for long-standing relationship or marriage with children?
2. If you cannot find the answer, try to concentrate on your inner love-imagination you have, what is really in your dreams...listen your inner voice and you will find the real answer.
3. If you feel you are not ready for something permanent, do not feel guilty: only expectation you should fulfill is - your inner need in the certain moment, not anybody else's. Only you can know what is right for you.
If you find a lack of readiness for too deep commitment, this is OK. You just need more time. If you feel you do not want children, it is also OK. Life can be fulfilled without children as well, is better to be honest, then to rush into responsibilities which you cannot cope with. A lot of people are afraid if they parents have roller coaster marriage, to enter into something permanent: they do not have positive example, they do not know how to cope with other person, they do not have emotional intelligence developed, they are afraid they will be left, so they do not commit. Even people who have good example from their parents, might be afraid of too responsible challenge in the front of them.
When you are ready for commitment right opportunity will arrive. Such person will never insist to have sex only, such person will be willing to build relationship gradually, and would not run away on first mentioning of future together.
When you will have such person next to you, be patient: observe yourself and the other person in all possible life-situations, living together is good test of adjustment. But it takes time, enjoy the living together, enjoy the process of letting know each other, do not rush with having the children. Nobody forces you to have them (at least not to early), do not behave like somebody is standing up in the front of you with the gun and telling you: "you MUST do it NOW". Be relaxed and enjoy the togetherness. Become friends, not only the lovers. Passion does not stop with friendship, on the contrary. Jealousy and possession disappear with friendship, because of mutual honesty.
Some men seek in relationship replacement for their Mothers, some women for their Fathers: friendship is much more appropriate level of love.
Find with the person you love mutual interests, and when you find them, these will be projects of your life and foundation of your longstanding future.
Have children only when your relationship becomes balanced and materially secure..and when the both partners are REALLY READY. For everything we need time. When you put seed in the land, it does not become the tree immediately, and it does not give fruits instantly. Remember that your long-standing relationship deserves at least so much time as one fruit tree to grow, to give the flowers at first and then abundance of fruits of love. For all that we need years, not weeks or months.
Serious online dating - Relationship Counselling
If you are interested in serious online dating, for long-standing relationship,you might try this website, it is filtered for serious dating only:
If you need responsible e-mail or chat counselling, Astrology, Numerology or cards, you can contact me through my e-mail, via hubpages or through my profile. (But...it is not free, he, he).
A lots of Love to all of you, and wish you the best relationships you can imagine.