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4 Soul Mate Mistakes: Avoid These or Suffer

Updated on November 2, 2010

Most singles want to find a soul mate, but aside from the common romantic assumptions about this elusive magical bond, they generally don't stop to think about the spiritual purpose of soul mates or the true meaning of the term.

Thanks to movies, TV, and romance novels, the perception of a soul mate has been distorted beyond it's metaphysical definition. There is much suffering that could be avoided with more understanding and a change of viewpoint.

The following are four of the most common soul mate mistakes and what you can do to bypass them.

1) Assuming you only have one. After removing the fairy-tale element, a soul mate defined is simply a soul you knew in a previous incarnation. They could have been a sibling, parent, friend, or enemy; you may have 100s, or even 1000s of soul mates.

The term twin soul is often used to illustrate a special soul mate, one that was especially created for you, or even your "other half." As appealing as that may sound, unfortunately our findings invalidate this theory. Souls don't pair off with only one ideal partner in the spiritual world.

But have hope. You do have soul mates who are much more compatible than others, and you will meet and enjoy each other when the time is right.

How do you know when you've met a soul mate? A feeling of knowing the person but not being able to place from where is common. As is instant like or dislike, assuming you are  viewing the person objectively and not subjectively projecting onto them your dreams and hopes.

2) A soul mate is less about romantic happiness and more about destiny, and what's fated may or may not compare favorably to your favorite love story. Each soul mate bond has a purpose, such as working on a project together, raising a child, working through karma, or simply enjoying each others' company. You'll experience a lot less stress and heartache if you learn to accept each soul mate for what they are meant to be instead of only what you hope for.

3) Too young. Teens and 20-somethings are most likely to get drunk on the romantic, feel-good soul mate Kool-aid. Once reality hits, it's often such a harsh contrast to what they expected that it's easy to become cynical about future love life opportunities.

People convince themselves that they are mature enough to be happy with the person for the rest of their life, starting at a very young age. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case.

We've found through our empirical research that the more rewarding soul mates often show up later in life, sometimes after you've paid your dues, so to speak.

Instead of applauding "high school sweethearts," parents and mentors would better serve kids in this area by helping them recognize that the Cinderella-type stories are only one possibility in the game of love, and by suggesting they not attempt to begin a life-long relationship until later in life.

4) "Together forever." Most soul mate bonds are not meant to be life-long. It would be nice to have a compatible partner by your side for your entire lifetime, but since it doesn't always work out like that, dropping expectations of such is key to satisfaction.

Of course, what would your love life be without a little fantasy and magic? It's the spice of love and can lead to much happiness, if you keep it in check and remember to be realistic.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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    • pmccray profile image

      pmccray 

      7 years ago from Utah

      Excellent subject matter. All too often the young jump into relationships without really knowing the person. We've all done it.

      Even those "high school" sweetheart partnerships are doomed to failure, because the parties don't really know each other as well as they think.

      One must take care to learn to live with themselves and not expect your better half to keep you entertained and make you happy.

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 

      7 years ago from Los Angeles

      So very true and so much needed. People have a tendency to be "served" perfect and eternal love and they somehow believe it is all in the lucky star that guids them through life.

      No soul mate relation will ever endure unless ppeople are willing to put some work into keeping it alive

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      7 years ago

      This is so true, Scott " But change is constant and nothing lasts forever, besides unconditional love."

      Yes...however to get there ...really get to the point of unconditional love is very challenging..

      One will have to torch the normal human heart...lol

    • profile image

      Veronika 

      7 years ago

      As i'm getting older i see much trought in your words. I must be a little bit clever, each soule mate did make my life a difrent and when they are gone it is sometimes dificult to accept that a soule mate does not make part of my life and to let someone new in my life does take new adaptations as the partner may be totaly not acceptabel by my previous friends and family

    • profile image

      Kirk 

      7 years ago

      Hey Scott,

      I thought this was very interesting and I agree with you. Do you mind sharing where did you get your information from in order to draw these brilliant conclusions?

      Much love.

    • profile image

      Jennie M. Foulkes 

      7 years ago

      This was really great and hit the nail on the head I believe!

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      7 years ago from London, UK

      Your hub and the comment were so interesting and enlighteing. Thank you for the joy of reading.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      7 years ago

      Yes, Scott, to the question.

      I have seen it so many times...both good people, both wanting the best for each other and still not being together and suffering.

      It has to do with the spiritual development of each.

      One who sees and still loves, sees everything in its entirety. Such a gift cannot be used for ones base needs and that is why it is given. The only thing that person can do is to open a way for the other, but it cannot be enforced.

      The other who might not be as spiritually advanced may or may not take it.

      My father knew that it would be difficult for such a marriage. In my humble opinion, it was my mother who insisted that they elope. He would not have asked. I do not know, we never asked.

      Because my mother followed her heart, and my father was wise, they took the difficult route,in full knowing of the consequences. It was a true soul union. One spirit recognizing another.

      Because we live in this world, with other people, we have common agreements with them for example the unwritten caste system in the Philippines. One has to see beyond such common agreements. My father suffered a great deal for such a decision but he always had my mother beside him. Always.

      Where two souls are not in the same degree of spiritual development the one who understands better can offer it freely and without attachment for he or she understands that the other has to work out other karma.

      Suffering is borne of attachment. Someone who is free no longer sees bondage or liberation. He is not attached to anything or any one. He sees only pathways.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      7 years ago

      It is possible to circumvent everything that you mentioned, Scott. My parents did. In a way this is not good because then, I expect to find such a kind of love.

      Perfect love. But both of them were already highly evolved spiritually when they met and they recognized it so they married against all odds. No one in either side of their families approved of their marriage. Not even after all eight of us have already been born. Such a union is not acceptable in Philippine society. I quote Daisy from Gatsby "Because, Jay, rich girls don't marry poor boys." My mother was just 16. In fact when I was little, even I did not approve...lol.

      I never saw them fight, nor did they display affection towards each other publicly and yet there never was a question ever, how much they loved each other.

      It is good to have an open mind. Then everything is possible and within that space of uncertainty, there can really be magic, because in that space lies possibilities.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      7 years ago

      This is most important, Scott

      "A soul mate is less about romantic happiness and more about destiny, and what's fated may or may not compare favorably to your favorite love story.

      Each soul mate bond has a purpose, such as working on a project together, raising a child, working through karma, or simply enjoying each others' company.

      You'll experience a lot less stress and heartache if you learn to accept each soul mate for what they are meant to be instead of only what you hope for."

      lol...ha ha ha..indeed...

      "Of course, what would your love life be without a little fantasy and magic? It's the spice of love and can lead to much happiness, if you keep it in check and remember to be realistic."

      Thank you Scott. As always your timing is perfect.

    • AlexK2009 profile image

      AlexK2009 

      7 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      Good points. I understand that in the West Indies having children is one thing but ( for men) marriage is left till you can afford to keep a family

      Maybe that would be a good attitude for the "civilised" world to adopt

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