How to communicate with your spouse? -Talk in a way he\she listens to you.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” -Tom Robbins

When you were in love, you had so much to talk with one another. You could not have enough of each other and you always communicated your love to your spouse. But after marriage there is a drastic change in the tone of your communication. You become very mundane, dull and listless when you interact with your spouse.

Why do you feel this change in your attitude towards your spouse?

• Responsibilities make you feel burdened.
• You do the same things daily and so you are bored.
• You get used to your spouse and feel nothing exciting in your togetherness.
• You are tired with your hectic work schedule and so feel stressed and tensed.

Life changes after marriage

After marriage your life changes and lots of responsibilities are thrust on you and you are always tense and edgy in your struggle to fulfill it. Your children’s education, monthly repayments, ever increasing daily expenses take a toll of your peace and life is not as rosy as it seemed before marriage.

Your responsibilities pull you down and you become jittery about the future of your family. Instead of communicating your problems with your spouse, you deviate from her\him. Small and minor disagreement at home set your teeth at edge and you feel your tension building up.

You do not want to share your thoughts with your spouse as you feel it will start an argument between you. ‘It is always better to keep my mouth shut. I do not want to get embroiled in unnecessary arguments which make me irritated and angry.’ So you gradually lessen your conversation with your spouse until your interaction with him\her becomes stale and routine.

Do not talk at your spouse

You no longer talk ‘with’ your spouse, but talk ‘at’ your spouse.

What is talking ‘with’ your spouse?

• You discuss about everything with your spouse.
• You listen to him\her and also react accordingly.
• You share your feelings with him\her.
• You do not lose interest in your spouse and so there is excitement and pleasure when you communicate with him\her.

What is talking ‘at’ your spouse?

• You communicate with your spouse only when necessary.
• When you talk, it is invariably about some routine family matters.
• You forget to talk with one another with love.
• Your tone is abrupt and brusque.

How will your marriage be when you are formal with your spouse? You can be formal with your colleagues, but not with your spouse. You do love him\\her, don’t you? But why is it you are unable to interact with her\him with friendliness and love? Why are you abrupt and curt when talking with your spouse? How can your family life be lively and exciting if you are like this? ‘How can I be normal when one family problem after another drive me nuts’ is your worrying rejoinder.

Humor enlivens your marriage.

Humor is the soul of happiness in marriage and so you should enliven it by being humorous and witty. It makes you come closer to one another. It is very important that you talk with a smile in your face. If you are frowning and dominating, your spouse will never want to listen to you. Unless you learn to smile, you are going to lose happiness in your married life.

You spouse is not an enemy and so why should you be glum and gloomy? One kind word can do wonders to your relationship. Then why is it you opt for harsh and bitter interaction with your spouse. It actually robs your contentment and cheerfulness from your married life. When you lose your smile while interacting with your spouse, your marriage becomes a torturous existence between both of you.

When there is someone to share your problems right at home, why do you feel tensed? Share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse and see how relieved you feel. Did something humorous happen in your work place? Share it with your spouse and laugh. This will take the pinch off your work stress and you will feel less burdened.

Appreciate your spouse.

Does your spouse look good? Do not keep the thought within yourself. Appreciate openly and see the glow of love in your spouse. When you appreciate, you show your love in a demonstrative way to the delight of your spouse. When you laugh with him\her, you are enjoying your married life in the true sense. When you talk about your problems with him\her it makes you feel less tensed.

Be together in everything.

This is how good marriage should be. Together in everything, sharing the ups and downs in life and being completely for each other. There should be no blaming games and your conversation should never be mundane. If there is one person with whom you can be just ‘you’, it is with your spouse. So why not make the most of it? Try to talk ‘with’ your spouse, with all the love and affection you have for him\her and see the difference it creates in your marriage.