- Gender and Relationships
IS YOUR HUSBAND CHEATING? - 10 THINGS TO DO TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DIVORCE
Cheating in a relationship occurs when either of the spouses strays away from his/her partner and begins to get intimate with other people. Most women dream of a happy life with their spouse without interference by other women but most times our dreams are shattered by the painful realization that our sweethearts are not as immune as we thought they are to falling into the temptation of cheating. It hurts very much to get cheated and the pain of it has driven countless people to commit unimaginable things. It is no more news to read about murders and suicides committed out of the rage of the unbearable pain of cheating in our world today.
Is your husband cheating on you? Do not allow that murderous rage into your marriage if he is, it is not the end of your marriage especially if you love him and do not want to lose him. Our society has advanced to a level whereby a woman immediately starts preparing for divorce when cheated by her husband but in the marriage vow we all promised to be there in sickness and in health, a straying husband is a dissatisfied person and as such needs help to return to normalcy. Divorce as we all know does no good to the family unit as it simply rips up the heart of the family and sends the members on different directions, I am yet to meet a child of a divorced parents that is happy about his/her parent's separation. Most times some children divert that anger into negative channels that spirals the family further into ruins. The onus is on us women to save our marriage from predators and unhappiness; we do not have to give up on our men when infidelity occurs. It is not easy but as a mother hen goes to a great length to save her young ones so should we protect our families from negative influence. Are you one of the many frustrated wives living unhappily because of their husband's infidelity? There are still ways to take your husband's roving eyes away from other women and make him have eyes only for you. Do not despair.
Are you reading this and thanking the heavens that you have the most faithful husband on earth, wait a minute for he might not be as faithful as you are thinking after all. You may have as much work to do on your marriage as that neighbour of yours you pity much whenever you bump into her husband and his other women in some restaurant. You need to watch out for these signs in your marriage: Does your husband now spend more time away from home than he use to? Does he give you excuses after another on why he had to stay on in the office? Has his sexual interest in you decreased? Is he less intimate, does he act distant? Do you see receipts to numerous stuffs that were not brought home? Are there charges on his credit bills that are strange? You may be noticing these but simply refused to give them more thoughts as we women have a way of justifying our man even when he is straying before our very noses. I am not trying to put thoughts into your head and make you begin to suspect your husband, I am only advising that you still work on your marriage to keep the flame of marital love burning. Do not wait for things to get out of hand before you go to work. Taming a cheating husband involves lots of head work, patience and lots of fun too, as it may be some little glitz and glamour that he encounters somewhere out there that is drawing him away from you, so put on your fun-shoes let us go dancing through these ten proven ways that will have him eating out of your hand and singing uh-la-la-la to you and you alone.
You first need to look deep down in your soul to see where your husband's infidelity stems from. How much confidence does he have in himself? Is he happy or unhappy? Is he going through some financial difficulties? Does he have some unsolved sexual problems? How about you? Check yourself in case you are the one driving him into the arms of others without knowing it. Are you happy in the marriage? Does he irritate you in one way or the other? What tone do you use to talk to him most times? Are you overbearing and bossy sometimes? How about your sex life? Is he happy with it or does he show some dissatisfaction that you cannot be bothered with? These and more may be the cause of his infidelity and it is only when you are able to figure out the root of this that you may begin to see that he is just like a hungry baby that only desires to get fed and be able to treat him more compassionately.
Good communication is the street that leads to your marriage, it helps you two understand each other in other words it leads you to the crevices of each other's hearts. It is through communication that you are able to know what pleases, displeases, worries and irritates your spouse. While talking with your partner, be tolerant and remember that opinions differ and when they do differ do not argue endlessly or pressure him much to make him agree with you. Do not mock, insinuate or get bitchy when conversing, it can build resentment and drive him further away, always communicate respectfully and sensitive or tough issues can be mellowed down with humour. That way the line of communication will remain open enough for you two to stay connected.
LOVE HIM ABSOLUTELY
If you are a Christian, you must have come across that verse in the Bible where we were advised to feed and give drink to even our enemies for in so doing we are making them remorseful, the verse ended by admonishing us not to be overcome by evil but to overcome evil with good. His actions may have hurt you deeply (that is if your husband is already cheating) but try hard to find it in you to forgive him and look beyond his action into that person you first fell in love with. Love him absolutely, love him selflessly, love him completely that is the powerful tool with which to overcome his cheating with good, you both will eventually get to a point where your selflessness can't help but weaken and renew him.
GIVE HIM MORE OF YOUR TIME
Housekeeping is truly a full career in itself much more when you have the role of a mother and wife added to it. Sometimes many of us wish to have more ten hours or more added to the 24 hours that make up everyday as there are always lots of things to juggle throughout the day. Women have been known to excel in multitasking, if it is not cooking and laundering at the same time, it is washing dishes, baking and babysitting at the same time. In the midst of all these, it is important not to be carried away by the household chores and the demands of our jobs outside the home and forget to make out time for our spouses. The little time that lapsed while you are still making up your mind whether to make up with him after he irritated you at dinner last night, is enough for him to be charmed away by the smile and attention of another glamorous woman. While at work make out time to call him to know how his day is going, stay connected to him however far from home you are and always let him know that he is in your mind that way the thoughts of other women can hardly penetrate his mind. Be there for him when he needs you around in parties and other occasions, give him more of your time if you have not been doing so.
BOOST HIS CONFIDENCE
If your husband does not have enough confidence in himself, does not get any compliment from you and feels unappreciated and taken for granted, you do not need a fortune teller to tell you what will happen when that sassy secretary that has her eyes on him begins to shower him with compliments and admiration. You need to let him know that he means the world to you so that when such admirers come around, he will always pinch himself to remember that a wonderful woman that thinks the world of him awaits him at home. Go on, boost his ego, what are those quality that attracted you to him. Are they his thoughtfulness and kindness? A "you are such a kind-hearted man and I'm so lucky to have you" will have him beaming all day. No human being can resist a compliment, if you doubt that try complimenting ten people you come across one day and see what smiles and joy you will bring to them. If he is fat and is always admiring other men that are healthier looking than himself, see whether a little "I'm tripping for those bicep or six pack of yours" (even when you are only seeing just a pack) won't have him running to the gym to look good for you". A girlfriend narrated how she met this nice man that has no confidence in himself because she is more educated than him and how she made him feel comfortable and confident by complimenting his good attributes, right now she is over the moon preparing for her wedding. If she had backed out and even looked down on him, she would have lost that wonderful man.
BE FUN...SPREAD THE SUNSHINE
Just before you begin to tell your self "I can't change myself, I have to be me or we can't all be the same" let me announce to you that we all have it in us to be exciting and make others enjoy our company. In my university days, other students from different departments always join our class for a particular lecture not that they want to learn the subject but because the lecturer that handles the course makes us laugh to rib cracking point with his jokes. You do not need to be as funny as Monique nor as fierce as Beyonce's Sasha to create an atmosphere of joy around you. All you need do is be yourself, relax and don't let things get to you easily. Put a break to some things that irritates you and can put you in a nagging mood, for instance a whining child can be comforted in time enough for he/she not to blow off the roof top with cries. Avoid getting too serious with things and sometimes loosen up and laugh over little mistakes, you are not a perfect machine, when you do that you make those around you feel relaxed and happy. Concern yourself with the overall health and happiness of every member of your family, that withdrawn child or spouse might be going through something not known to you. Get playful with them and draw them out of the not-too-good mood. One of my favourite authors by name Vincent Peale once quoted this: “The way to happiness: keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done by. Try this for a week and you will be surprised."
KEEP YOUR ROMANCE ALIVE
Couples in the strongest of all marriages have admitted that some times things does get a little cold in their marriage but that at a time like that all they do is rekindle the flame which shows that marriage needs lots of working on. When was the last time you danced and went out on dinner with your spouse? You both do not need to have the loud music of a club to dance neither do you need to save up a bit before you can go dine in that very expensive restaurant, you can create the club right there in your living room, put on some sweet Enrique Inglesias or Marc Anthony and waltz in each other's arm. Your back garden can replace the restaurant, go bring out the wine and dine under the moon. Don't forget the powers of love notes, you can let him know how you appreciate some little things he did with a love note tucked into a gift. Find exciting games that can bring you closer, the list is endless you can get more tips through this link http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/285737-4
RECREATE YOUR SEX LIFE
Great sex is one major factor that keeps even the noblest and greatest of men out of their marital bed. Have you ever wondered what those women they chase after have that you do not have? Ask yourself that and begin to liven up your sex life if it is all dowdy dowdy, those other women are not smarter and more intelligent than you, or are they? You only need to add some vaa-vaa-voom to the little bedmatics you know and you will begin to rock his world. Where are the cosmo girls in the house? (make some noise!). If you do not know, magazines like cosmopolitan and redbook are one of the secrets of ladies like me. It teaches us the tricks and glitz that makes relationships rock, I cannot be caught without a cosmo mag no matter how old it is. Yes go on and be a cosmo girl, get the magazine, get on the website and improve yourself. There may be other good magazines and sites out there (hey!, you can let me know if you find other interesting ones okay) that may benefit you and help you improve, get on them. Life is too short to have a dowdy relationship, I am always thinking of ways to spice things up in my relationship not necessarily sexually, in many other ways. A lot have been written on this and I will simply lead you to read such through these links:
Toys and games, books that can improve sex lives also abound you can buy such in amazon and ebay through these links belo
SPICE UP YOUR COOKINGS
If you have been feeding your spouse the same kind of food for 5 years now, definitely he will be secretly longing to taste different things and will not be looking forward to dinner anymore knowing that it is going to be one of your dry unexciting foods. I have actually heard a man comment that he has to secretly eat out before going home as his wife keeps preparing almost the same kind of food for dinner. The woman is lucky that he was not secretly eating out from the pot of another woman that mixes and creates exciting meals for him or she would have lost him to her. One place I love to be creative is in the kitchen as it is fun to create unique meals with the various foodstuffs, vegetables and spices that abounds. The world is so full of beautiful food for you to feed your spouse drab and monotonous food. The old saying that the way to a man's heart is through his belly will always remain true, create unique meals, buy cookery books, watch food channels and learn stuffs. Be unpredictable when it comes to feeding your spouse and he will always look forward to your foods. Some women are so good at this that their men hardly eat out and are always running home to eat their wife's food, what better way to keep your man at home than that.
That's right! Don't give up on your man because he cheated on you. The way to marital happiness is a rugged one little wonders one gets reminded at the altar that there will be sickness and health, better times and worse times, poorer times and richer times. Did you not promise to be there for all times, you do not have to up and leave in the time of sickness. All you have to do is seek remedy to the dissatisfaction that ails your spouse. A mentally sick woman I met and befriended in a hospital narrated to me that her sickness came about after she tentatively left her husband over a misunderstanding and while hoping and waiting for her husband to come begging for her to return home was so surprised he went and married another woman that she went crazy over it. One of us once wondered aloud whether to teach her cheating husband a lesson by leaving him for a month
It is not the smartest thing to do dearie, go get him off the grips of other women.
We women have such great powers that we overlook and do not use most times. Try out some of the points mentioned here and see the rewards for yourself. Don't pack up your bags or throw his out and end up breaking your family up when in a situation like that. Think of your children before you do that, they need a stable family to grow up in. Think of your marriage, did you not dream to live happily-ever-after in it, why give up now? You have the power to tame that cheating husband, the only thing is you were not using it. You go girl!