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The One Thing He Does That Tells You He Wants to Be 'The One'

Updated on February 12, 2019

Relationships are hard and technological advancement brings up new challenges every era as social media builds up expectations to a level that's impossible to achieve. But what hasn't and will never change is the fundamentals of a strong, lasting relationship, which is that, one, it's not perfect, and two, everyday you make the choice of putting both your trust and faith that the work you put in is enough to sustain it. For the sake of this article, let’s define ‘the one’ as the one person you’ve come across in your life that fulfils everything you need in a life partner. And that is exactly what your man will continuously try to achieve if he wants to be your ‘one’. So how do you know he wants things to be as successful as you do? There’s one thing he’ll do that’ll tell you that he wants to be ‘the one’ for you: he will actively and continuously work on improving himself.

Now by ‘improving himself’ I don’t mean that he changes his entire identity to suite you, but simply changes his behaviour as is necessary, such as not using up every piece of dish-ware in the kitchen and leaving you to clean it all up, or letting you know in advance that he’ll be out with the boys Friday night so that you have time to plan something on your end, thus showing that he respects you, your time, and your space. By doing these things, you’ll know its what he wants too because he is putting in the effort to understand what you need from him as your partner, this includes addressing any issues you think cause strain and paying attention to the kinds of affection you respond to.

When you bring up things he does that bother you, not only is his response a variation of ‘I’ll do better’ or ‘I’ll work on it’, but he actually follows through. And though the issues may not disappear all together, he does make the effort in order to make you happy because he doesn’t want you to go looking elsewhere. He is actively making changes that show you that he wants this relationship to work and is ready to work out all the kinks to optimize its success to build a healthy partnership with you.

Which brings us to the second sub point: he’s taken the time to understand how to love you in the way you can appreciate it. For example; I very much value quality time together and am highly appreciative of acts of service, such as knee rubs and taking my dog out for a walk. On the other hand, my partner would prefer that I show him affection through physical touch and guilt-free quality time to himself so that he can focus on all his different interests. We’ve chosen to understand each other so that we can best translate to each other that we care for one another in the ways that will be best received. Otherwise, he would be giving me a bunch of free time to myself, which would leave me feeling pretty lonely and unimportant because I wouldn’t see this as an act of love, I'd see it as a lack of interest on his part. Or if I took him to an opera show instead of a Monster Jam show. It would be like speaking Chinese to someone who only understood English; they wouldn't understand what you are trying to say and you would look silly with your large gestures and loud speaking.

All in all, if he wants to be ‘the one’ he will show you by doing his best to fulfil the qualities that you need in a partner because he knows that if he doesn't, your relationship won't work out and you will go on to find someone who will. Of course, this all applies the other way, of you to him, and can only happen if you are both open and honest with what you need from a partner.

So how are you and your SO fairing with all of this? I'd like to know your thoughts and stories, so leave a comment below!

© 2019 Emily Campana


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      17 months ago from Chicago

      "There’s one thing he’ll do that’ll tell you that he wants to be ‘the one’ for you: he will actively and continuously work on improving himself."

      No one should measure their mate's love by how many hoops they are willing to jump through or ways they are willing to be inconvenienced in order to please them.

      If you love him his happiness is just as important as yours.

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      The goal is to find someone who {already is} what you want.

      There is an old adage goes something like this:

      "Men marry a woman hoping she will never change and women marry a man hoping he will change over time."

      I suspect both are in for some measure of disappointment.

      The truth is in a world with over {7 Billion people} there is no such thing as "the one". There are lots of "ones" who share whatever values one might have. One of the devices we often use to romanticize love is to convince ourselves it's so (rare) to find someone who wants what we want or a person "who gets us".

      We believe love is only for the (lucky) few.

      We imagine there is a God who puts someone in Iowa and just for the fun of it puts their "soulmate" in China and watches to see if they ever cross paths. The truth is we determine how many "soulmates" we have based upon our method of (excluding people).

      If "must haves list" states my "soulmate" must be of my same race whatever that may be I may have eliminated 5 Billion people or more without ever laying eyes on them! If I say my "soulmate" must live in my country and if that happens to be the U.S. you just eliminated over 6.7 Billion people and so it goes...etc.

      By the time someone gets down to height, weight, education, income level, and other personal items it's no wonder they are down to one person. (At least until the meet the next one after a breakup.) When it comes to love and relationships most of us {fail our way} to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      The funny thing about what makes for an "ideal mate" for us at age 16, 18, or 20 is those traits are not likely to cut if for us when turn 25, 30, and beyond. Our "must haves" list tends to (evolve) over time.


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