- Gender and Relationships
The One: Separating Myth from Reality
Seek and yea shall find...
Many of us believe there is only “one” special person out there that will “get us”.
We’ll share the same sense of humor, enjoy doing the same things, have the same goals, and be sexually compatible. In fact many of us believe this person will “instinctively” know what it is we want or need without us having to “ask” or “communicate” our thoughts. We’ll never have major disagreements and we’ll live happily ever after.
For many of us our biggest fear is living a lifetime without ever finding our “one”.
Numbers - 1 in 7 Billion
According to world population statistics we are approaching 7 Billion people inhabiting this planet. The sheer magnitude of this number would indicate there is at least one soul-mate for everyone! So why is it so difficult to find “the one”?
Exclude Vs Include
The concept of "the one" is based upon our natural tendency to (exclude) rather than (include) when it comes to finding love.
For example if a person states "the one" has to be a member of their own race that automatically eliminates Billions of people right there! If you went on to say he/she must have the same religious belief that will cut down your options by several billions more.
We narrow things further by stating "the one" must reside in our own country, state or town. All of this is before we get to height, weight, age, occupation, education, hobbies/interest, and goals....etc Last but not least our family and friends MUST also like him/her and vice versa!
It’s no wonder that by the time we get done EXCLUDING people there is ONLY one "right one" left!
Traits and Characteristics
I believe once we decide what’s "really important" with regard to traits in a person we'd want to spend our lives with we are likely to find "the one" sooner rather than later.
Each of us is looking for specific traits in another person. In addition to us believing they are “the one” it is necessary for them to believe we are “the one”. Having mutual feelings is the challenge. Chemistry is also a requirement.
Lets assume you are looking for someone who has the following traits.
Attractive, Positive, Affectionate, Considerate, Loving, Healthy, Romantic, Passionate, Great Sense of Humor, Intelligent, enjoys traveling to exotic destinations, Honest, Trustworthy, Loyal, Dependable, Financially secure/responsible…etc
Surly out of 7 Billion people there must be “one” person who fits this profile!
The truth is there are thousands if not millions, or possibly billions of people who’d describe themselves as having all of these traits!
Once again we ask, “Why is it so difficult to find “the one”?
Requirements Change Overtime
One of the reasons it’s a challenge to find “the one” is because we look for different traits in a mate over the course of our lifetime. That perfect guy or girl at ages 16, 18, 21, or 30 may not seem so ideal to us at age 35 or 40.
In fact every new person we enter into a "serious relationship" with looks like “the one” until we realize they are not. The truth is there are lots of "the ones" who have all of the traits you could want at any given time.
As we mature we become more realistic and practical. You come to realize there is no such thing as a “perfect person” for you. A 300 lb woman or man is not likely to attract a Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie type. “Don’t expect to sit next to the moon unless you are a star!” Generally speaking water seeks it’s own level and like attracts like in the long run.
No one is going to be able to read your mind, complete your sentences, or fill your days with sunshine for eternity. You determine how large your pool of potential mates is going to be by your method of including or excluding. Naturally the fewer options you have the more difficult it becomes to find a "suitable mate". One must be willing to put themself in places and situations where they are likely to meet the type of person they want to attract
Right & Wrong
What may be “right” for you may be “wrong” for someone else. When it’s all said and done there really is no “right” or “wrong” in relationships. There is only “agree” and “disagree”.
Ultimately we are all looking for someone who naturally agrees with us on the major things in life!
“Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen