- Gender and Relationships
10 Facts About Having a Successful Marriage Today
A look at marriage today and in the future
Marriage is not what it used to be where people stay in an unhappy marriage because of social pressure, finances, religion or children. More women work and do not stay at home and raise the children because it is very difficult to have a one income household in the present economy and many more women will continue to be equal bread winners with their husbands.
The fact is that women in general are becoming more of an equal partner in the marriage financially and want to split raising kids and house hold duties with a partner. The term partner in marriage is what marriage will look like in the future, but how do couples beat the odds and have a successful marriage today with all of the changes?
What is a successful marriage
The wave of the future is going to be more households where there is a split down the middle of earning potential and child rearing or trading off working and raising children. In my experience as a relationship expert, there some hard facts when it comes to making a marriage successful.
For people just getting married or are thinking about marriage these steps are vital in maintaining a successful marriage.
Ten facts about having a successful marriage today and in the future
1. Both a husband and wife have equal say on how money is managed and spent regardless if one person makes more than the other person. If one person is better at managing money then it is alright to split up the duties but both should have access to the bank account. Their should be a joint bank account and a separate bank account, especially if one person had money already coming into the relationship, that is their bank account.
2. The couple does not take the marriage for granted. Once married couples still have to have to work on the marriage by: Dating each other, keeping the marriage new, fresh and exciting. This is one of the reasons why some people will live together for years and not marry, so that the relationship will not be taken for granted.
3. Communication is a huge issue when it comes to marriage. Married couples think that because they have been together for a while that they can read each others mind and not have to communicate. The truth is that couples stop reading each others body language because they now think that they know what their spouse is thinking. Couples need to work at communicating with one another.
4. Don't Lose who you are in the marriage. Marriage is about two separate people coming together to share their lives with one another and when the two people become so enmeshed in each other and forget that they had a life before the marriage then the pressure of marriage will take over. Keeping social engagements with friends, hobbies and continuing to grow a separate life outside of the marriage, it keeps the marriage exciting, and gives the couple something to talk about and share with each other.
5. Giving each other enough space to miss one another. Domesticity is not about coming together and becoming one "That is the most over rated nonsense that ever was invented in a marriage", people need to have space to grow. The best marriages are the ones when the couple can miss each other or have space from one another giving enough time to miss one another.
6. Sex is important in marriage and should not be domesticated; it is supposed to be fun, hot, exciting. Sex is one of those crucial elements in marriage where it can bring the couple closer together or it can destroy the relationship. So many times I have seen couples come into my office and they have not had sex in months or years, who would ever have agreed to stay in a relationship if it was not for that signed paper without having sex for years. It is not natural for human beings to go for years without sex or intimacy.
7. Respecting your spouse and this comes in the form of personal space, belongings, and how the couple treats each other. When respect is lost in a marriage for whatever reason it is hard to get it back, make sure to be respectful of your spouse, it is high up on the list of having a successful marriage.
8. Lying to your spouse and that can come in the form of many ways, not just cheating. Couples will often lie to each other as an easy way out or to avoid an argument, but what happens is those lies lead to other lies and then to mistrust. Honesty even if it hurts sometimes is better than being caught lying. Earning back trust in a marriage is very difficult and once again to have a successful marriage being honest is part of it.
9. Personal appearance, hygiene, weight and manners. This is one of those things that happen when people get too comfortable around each other, and the area that this affects the most is the sex in the marriage. Getting married is no excuse for letting oneself go physically, or in the hygiene department. It is unfair to marry your spouse and then a few years down the line gain a bunch of weight, stop taking the time to groom and look nice and belch and fart, use bad langue in front of each other. Many people say that this is one of the things that they love about being married and that is being comfortable, but when it is too comforted the marriage and the sex in the marriage will suffer.
10. Parenting styles and having children together. Having children can change a marriage dramatically, making it a more solid and successful marriage or adding stress and arguing to the marriage. Not every married couple has to have children and most people don't thoroughly discuss the details before they do. The way a couple parents the children should be made clear before the child or children are born. Understanding how the two of you want to raise the child, co-parenting, who's is going to do what and know that arguing or not backing one another up as a team causes many problem in the marriage. So many times I have counseled couples who just cannot get the concept that they should not undermine one parent's authority in front of the children; it should be discussed behind closed doors or before a situation arises in the first place. Religion is also important to discuss, because even the most unreligious people that go into a marriage, when a children is born it can take on a whole new meaning. Holidays and religious practices may be a given for one person but the other may have an entirely different view.