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No Talk, No Ring, Is it Cheating?

Updated on March 2, 2011

Her date for tonight...

Actively Searching For Mr. Right....

When a relationship is “undefined” and by that I mean there has been no discussion of exclusivity and one learns that the person they have been dating is also dating other people is this “cheating”?

Todd and Amanda met online three months ago.

After several email and chat exchanges they decided to meet.

They really clicked and were soon spending lots of time with each other going to various events including weekend getaways.

On occasion each of them had other obligations or plans with family or friends.

Two weeks ago Todd’s co-workers talked him into going to happy hours at the Signature Lounge located at the top of the John Hancock Building in Chicago.

He originally wanted to be with Amanda but she was entertaining a friend from out of town. To his dismay when he arrived in the lounge Amanda was sitting in a corner making out with a guy.

Todd caught Amanda’s eyes and signaled for her to meet him in the hall by the elevators.

When Amanda met him he was very upset and asked her what was going on.

Amanda was very taken aback by his manner and in a calm voice stated she was on a date.

Amanda: I told you I was expecting a friend from out of town

Todd: You never said your friend was a guy!

Amanda: What difference does it make? We never said we were soul mates or exclusive!

Todd: How would you feel if I took another woman out?

Amanda: Neither one of us is wearing a ring! You can do whatever you want to do.

Amanda walked back to her table and Todd went home fuming.

Generally speaking there are two schools of thought.

One group believes Todd should have spoke up and told Amanda he wanted an exclusive relationship with her awhile back. Another group of people believes Amanda was practicing deception or lying by omission when she told Todd she was going to spend time with a “friend”.

Historically dating was and still remains for the most part an activity engaged in by two people for the purpose of assessing if they are suitable for a long-term relationship.

Dating multiple people is akin to a company interviewing several candidates for a position. However companies inform each candidate they are conducting interviews with others. Candidates never make assumptions they have gotten a position until an offer has been made. When it comes to dating, emotions often arise which changes the dynamics.

Each of us is entitled to set up our own rules when it comes to dating.

If one decides dating multiple people is the way to go it’s probably a good idea in this day and age of numerous STDs to stipulate if someone is having sex they will either inform the other people they are dating or abstain from having sex altogether.

There is no right or wrong but simply agree or disagree.

Ultimately we are all looking for someone who agrees with us.

(Communication is always better than assumption.)

Would you say Amanda cheated on Todd?

Should monogamy be automatically “assumed” after a period of dating?

Or is it as Beyoncé states in her hit song “Single Ladies”

“If he liked it he should have put a ring on it”

Is dating more than one person at a time cheating? or Is it actively searching for Mr/Ms. Right?

Would you feel differently if it had been (Todd) caught with another woman and he responded in the same manner as Amanda?

Looking For Mr/Ms Right.....

Is it Ok to Date Multiple People At Once While Searching For Mr./Ms. Right?

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