- Gender and Relationships
What If He's Cheating?
First you cry...
The Choice is Yours....
I see so many articles geared towards women concerning signs that indicate whether or not their man may be cheating.
They tell you to look for changes in his behavior, his spending more time away from you, starting fights over the smallest of issues, not being where he says he is going to be or with whom he says he is going to be with or he is becoming more secretive and emotionally distant....etc
The truth is if you have spent a good amount of time with someone you pretty much know their quirks.
In your heart of hearts you will KNOW instinctively that something has changed.
Do you go on a witch hunt looking for clues analyzing his every word, deed, or article of clothing?
Do you hire a private detective? Install spyware on your computer? Show up at places where he is suppose to be? Look through his cell phone for text messages? install hidden cameras in the house for when you are going to be away? Call the television show "Cheaters"?
Do you pester him or hound him until he confesses?
The answer to all of these questions is (NO!)
You cannot control another person.
He is going to do whatever he wants to do.
The only person responsible for your happiness is you!
You decide if what you have is what you want, if the people in your life are the type of people you want or need in your life.
It does not matter if your man is cheating!
When I say it doesn’t matter if he is cheating it’s not to say that having someone cheat on you isn’t painful. It hurts like hell especially if you are in love.
What I’m saying to you is if he is not with you for whatever reason whether he’d rather spend his time alone watching sports, going out drinking with his buddies (not just occasionally but on a regular basis) , or even if he is possibly cheating on you….(Being alone is being alone).
A man that does not want to spend time with you is not YOUR man.
The very fact that you suspect he may be cheating whether it’s true or not is an indication that something is missing for you in this relationship.
It’s not as though by learning he’s not cheating you'd suddenly become ” happy” or fulfilled in your relationship.
The bottom line is when someone loves you they are considerate about your feelings.
They want to spend time with you.
They listen to you. (Seek to reassure you, care about you)
They not only tell you they love you but they show you in big and small ways.
If you are not feeling loved, valued, or appreciated in your relationship and you have expressed this to your man without seeing any changes in his behavior it’s very possible you are with the wrong man.
When you’re with the wrong man it doesn’t matter whether he’s cheating or not.
You will never be happy.
Are you happy?
That is the real question!
If you are unhappy then it's up to you to make some changes.
Imagine your employer is unhappy with your work, odds are they would put you on a performance plan or fire you out right.
When you're in a relationship you have the right to ask for what you need.
If the person you are with does not give you what you ask for there are only two reasons.
1. He does not have it to give.
2. He does not feel you are worth the effort to give it to.
This does not mean there is something wrong with you or even that there is something wrong with him. It just means HE is not the RIGHT man for you!
The ball is in your court.
YOU chose him for your lover, your mate, or your spouse.
If you have made a mistake then learn from it and forgive yourself.
You could spend your precious time trying to change apples into bananas, teaching cats how to bark, liars to tell the truth, or thieves to be trustworthy, all the while becoming more resentful and frustrated with each disappointment.... or you can simply go out and find a man who is already doing everything you want.
With over 6 Billion people on the planet and half of them being men I have to like your odds!
If you want a man that opens doors for a woman you could nag the man you have to do so, or find a man that already does it!
If you are (truly unhappy) with something your man is doing or not doing then it's time to "take it to the door"! The door knows all!
The door lets those in that want in, and those out that want out.In other words you have to ask yourself,
"Is this a deal breaker?"
1. If it is, Get the hell out! (Life is short)
2. It it's not, then learn to do without.
(Avoid the frustration and resentment which comes with nagging)
If you are not going to leave you may as well adjust your expectations and accept him for who he is. You don't raise adults! A mother-child relationship with a man is never a good thing.
Monogamy is a life style choice which requires maturity and self-discipline along with a moral code that places HONESTY above all other traits in relationships.
You can't demand or negotiate love and affection. (They are given freely.)
You don't manufacture chemistry. (It's either there or it's not).
Bottom line: If your man is not the kind of man you want, it does not matter if he is cheating.
"The world may not owe you anything but YOU owe yourself the world"
Choose your thoughts, Choose your life.
Let go of situations and people that bring negativity into your life or make you unhappy.