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Why do Men Cheat

Updated on September 13, 2014

Most men cheat because they want variety and believe they are smart enough to avoid being caught.

There are excuses men give for cheating, then there are reasons why they do so. Some do it just once while others are serial cheaters.

A recent study by Lopez V, Chesney-Lind and Foley J of Arizona State University titled Relationship power, control, and dating violence among Latina girls uncovered the fact that cheating and threatening to cheat was a means boys often used to control girls.

Apparently we never grow up.

In addition most cheaters truly believe their actions will stay hidden therefore causing no harm. Unfortunately in the global village, what happens in vegas may show up on your tablet before breakfast.

Did he cheat?

Men have been cheating for millennia
Men have been cheating for millennia | Source

10 Reasons why men cheat

In his book - The Truth about Cheating M Gary Neuman explored the reasons for infidelity. One of the most surprising findings was that 88% of men interviewed said the partners they sought out were neither prettier than their wives.

So why do men really cheat. I have put together the 10 most common reasons from various sources.

1. Laziness

Maintaining a relationship is hard work. To keep a marriage fresh requires more than most men are willing to give. Its much easier to look for a spark outside than try to work things out at home.

2. Men cheat to experiment sexually

Most of the cheating men who said their partners were not sexier or prettier than their wives just wanted some variety. They found it difficult to stay with the same woman year after year. Some cheating men even claim that experimentation outside adds a special glow to their marriage.

3. The Crowd effect on cheating

Neuman found out that 77% of men who cheat have a good friend who cheats. Perhaps he comes to see it as normative behavior. If he talks about his friends who cheat, there is a three in one chance he's headed that way.

Cheating, a common basis for divorce


4. Cheating men believe they won't get caught.

In spite of divorce statistics and statutes on adultery in most states, a surprising proportion of men who cheat believe they are too smart to be caught.

5. The Avenger

Some men who cheat do so to get back at their wives. Having a wife who has slept with someone else makes one feel not quite up to par. Getting involved with another woman is reassuring, it proves that he is still desirable.

6. Cheating is an easy way to get a divorce

Adultery is grounds for divorce almost anywhere in the world. Some men prefer to cheat, hoping their wives will file for divorce.

That way they get to avoid the soul searching that comes with trying to explain to your wife that you want out of a seemingly trouble free marriage.

Will He Still Have Cheated?

7. Cheating to deflate her ego

Most good, loyal women question themselves when their husbands cheat with issues like

  • Am I bad in bed?
  • I must be disgustingly fat
  • What does she have that I don't?
  • Am I really that unattractive?
  • Would sexy lingerie have helped?
  • How could I have avoided this?

After he apologizes, the woman may decide to work harder, dress sexier and generally reward his bad behavior.

8. Men Cheat because They Can

Most women find it difficult to consider another man as a partner when they are in stable relationship. Not so with men. The belief is that sex and love can be separated. So a man can cheat while claiming to still love his wife.

Must Men Cheat?

The Cheatsheet

Will you leave if he cheats?

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9. Unhappy at Home

Some men cheat because they have unfulfilled needs - either emotional or sexual. If they can't discuss this with the wife, then cheating is almost inevitable.

Most relationships never recover from the mistrust that infidelity breeds. So an episode of cheating leads to greater unhappiness and ....

10. Men Cheat Because They Want To

Some men just want to cheat. They want the thrill of doing the forbidden. the feeling that comes from creeping downstairs at night to pillage the cookie jar.

Sexy Lady

Would he cheat on her?
Would he cheat on her? | Source

So Why Really Do Men Cheat?

If you know any other reasons why men cheat, I would like to hear them.

Most of the research available points to cheating husbands as men who know what they are doing and have made a deliberate decision to cheat.

Tension at home, stress at work and the presence of a willing partner make cheating more attractive, yet there are men who stay faithful.


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    • weavesandbraids profile image

      weavesandbraids 3 years ago from Africa

      You are so right dash.

      Cheating is a choice.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Cheaters generally are not looking to replace one relationship with another. People cheat because they don't want to breakup or go through a divorce! However bear in mind if they get caught they're likely to breakup. Most cheaters don't believe they will be caught!

      Both men and women cheat. Anyone who has ever seen an episode of "Cheaters" or "The Maury Povich Show" AKA "You are NOT the father!" or "Paternity Court" is well aware that neither gender is standing on "holy ground". In fact many lesbians can site that their female lovers cheated.

      There are some people though who treat relationships like jobs. They won't leave one until they have another "lined up". It takes courage to end an relationship without having someone "waiting in the wings".

      Most cheaters want to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Unlike others who accept the fact that no one person can fulfill 100% of your needs cheaters try to (make up the difference) by seeing others.

      Essentially cheating is a selfish and cowardly act to make an attempt to "have it all". It requires deception and secrecy. There are 3 basic types of cheaters.

      1. The Incessant Cheater (They've never been faithful long-term)

      Their motto is "Variety is the spice of life!". They get bored easily and always are on the look out for "new adventures".

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater

      Unlike the Incessant she/he is not on the look out to cheat. However they cave into temptation when a secret crush or person they admire suddenly makes themselves available or hits on them. Usually it's also a scenario where their mate is not likely to ever find out. Maybe while on a business trip. Sometimes these folks later end up confessing weeks, months or years later if they have a wonderful mate. They simply hate carrying around the guilt.

      3. The Discontented Cheater - (They've "justified" their cheating based upon the way you mistreated or neglected them in some way.) "If you had done this or not done that I would not have had to go else where for...etc" (Monogamy and cheating are choices one makes).

      In the end you have only two options: Forgive or Move on.