Why Girls Aren't Attracted To You

Surprisingly enough there are really only three reasons why you can't attract a girlfriend. They are:

1) You smell

2) You're ugly

3) You have no money

Now, I do have to agree that these are very obvious reasons why you can't attract a girl. But I also have to ask you, if these three reasons are so obvious, then why don't you have a girlfriend?

Take reason number one. No one is going to lie to you about being smelly. That is, unless they smell too. So you might want to: A) have a shower, and B) get a better class of friends.

Now, about reason number 2: The only person in the entire world that will lie to you about being beautiful or ugly is your mom. Well, in all honesty my mom might lie about how dog-faced you are too, but she'd snicker later when she tells the story to her card club friends.

Ugliness can be fixed, either by surgery or, at the very least, a better set of attire (that means clothes for you grade level two readers). Maybe even some makeup will do the trick, but I'd start off with a visit to the plastic surgeon just in case you have doubts.

Lift the eyes, lower the jaw line and pull those ears back to the sides of your head. If you can tease with an elastic band then you can permanently make the change with a little touch-up here and there, for a few thousand dollars, maybe.

Lastly, the final reason that you don't have a girlfriend: you're dumb-luck poor.

We all know how great your life would be if you won the lottery, but even then you'd have to have a dollar to gamble with and that just isn't happening any time soon, is it? So, it might just be time to look for that second or third job to fill up all that extra time you have. After all, there are 168 hours in a week, why are you wasting so much time eating and sleeping? That's just money not earned, isn't it?

But what if you don't smell, are at least plain looking and have enough money to treat yourself and a friend to the occasional mocha latte, what then could be the reason why you can't attract a girlfriend?

My best guess, at this point, would be that you are consistently fishing in the wrong pond, my friend. You can't catch females in an all-male pond, now can you?

It's time to put off being put off of the places where women congregate and start making an appearance (or two) throughout the week, between jobs even, somewhere you know that women tend to go. You can even treat a woman you meet there to a mocha latte (or some other non-alcoholic drink) and test your trivia knowledge with a little friendly conversation.

Try beginning the conversation with "Hi, my name is xxx and I am a super-spy from Latvia. How do you like my accent?"

You can be fun and sociable with women, as long as you aren't smelly, ugly and you have your latest car loan payment paid.