- Gender and Relationships
Why I Will Never Trust You Again In My Life!
Trust is so hard to come by. Like a tree, it takes much time to grow to maturity but can be felled in a matter of minutes or just like in making money, it can take quite some time to accumulate a pile but can be burnt down through splurging in just a matter of seconds!
So many people have paid the price for trusting someone—so soon—and so much. So many people now find it so difficult to trust another person simply because it’s easier that way rather than getting your trust to be breached so badly and leaving you licking your wounds.
But you cannot do away with trusting someone because it is a basic human function that you have that feeling and that need to confide in someone.
The question is who?
You see, so many don’t know it, but it is very easy to breach someone’s trust. We do this either by omission or commission. The worst part is that we may not even be aware that we have shattered someone’s trust in us by little things we’ve done or said to them.
In this piece, I’m going to point out those minor and sometimes unnoticeable ways in which we may be breaching someone’s trust in us and making them say something like, “I will never trust you again in my life!” with all affirmation.
So are you ready to hear me out?
You breach someone’s trust in you by:
This is the easiest way to lose someone’s trust. To some of us, telling lies comes so naturally easy so we go ahead and do it without even thinking about it. We might think that one or two lies will not cause any trouble or hurt anyone.
The lies we tell others do add up. To us, it might be nothing. Just mere white lies. But to them, it’s such a big deal.
Some people do keep tabs so watch it how you tell lies. Once people come to identify you as a perpetual liar, it doesn’t matter if you think they will or will not understand the reasons why you are telling that particular lie, they will always have a reason to reexamine their capacity to trust you.
Failing to turn up
This is very similar to telling lies. By failing to turn up, most especially when you have promised to do so, you easily shatter someone’s expectations and with time, it might come to a point where people will come to recognize you as that person whom no one should believe his or her words anymore unless they are ready to be disappointed big time!
Sometimes, it not just a matter of not turning up at all. It can be something as simple as not turning up on time. If you are always turning up for events late, don’t ever deceive yourself into thinking that people do not notice such things because they do.
And they may equally be spreading the words about how unreliable you are because of your habit of always turning up late.
If you happen to be too gullible, it will certainly make people to trust you the less. This is simply because you are too eager to believe anything. You don’t take the time to study or consider the facts or evidence presented to you. Logic doesn't make any (much) sense to you. In fact, you are too easy to manipulate simply because you cannot think for yourself.
But that’s not the only problem with being gullible.
You see, people may find it very difficult to take you by your words simply because as a gullible person, more often than not, you also happen to be very exaggerating.
In other words, your verdict can never be depended upon and may never count simply because no one knows if you are telling the truth or making things up.
Exhibiting stealing tendencies
If you are a kleptomaniac or the type that exhibits stealing tendencies, you better watch it. When it comes to stealing, I don’t think so many people will have it in their minds to give you a benefit doubt or that second chance.
You may not know it but people are always watching out for this. Once you steal, or you are said to have stolen something that belongs to someone else, not so many people are going to feel comfortable around you anymore. In some cases, it doesn't even matter what you stole. Once a thief; always a thief!
That will show you how much people abhor stealing.
It’s a common knowledge that even thieves don’t trust themselves. They might be united due to common interest which makes them partners-in-crime but that doesn't necessarily mean they trust themselves.
You should also watch your conversations too and the things you say. You may not know it but certain things you say might give people the notion that you are nothing but a criminal minded person, an opportunist or a gold-digger.
And that can even make it harder for them to trust you.
Failure in repaying loans
You borrowed some money from someone but you are not ready to repay it. Maybe you are hoping that the person will forget it or something. Or maybe you have truly forgotten it.
No one knows.
You might even be tempted to think that the amount of money borrowed is such a small sum and the person can easily waive it off but again, don’t forget that when it comes to money, so many people share a very close relationship with their money.
So watch it.
But if you are waiting for that person to remind you before you start making efforts to repay the loan, chances are you are losing someone’s trust in the process.
Besides, nothing spells irresponsibility and gives a very negative impression of someone as being identified to be a perpetual loan defaulter.
Loud-mouthed individuals are often not well-mannered, so full of themselves and very boastful too. And that’s exactly what makes people to lose trust in them—and even try to avoid them.
You see loud-mouthed folks everywhere. They talk tactlessly. They diss effusively. They spill people’s secrets. They don’t know or care if they are hurting someone with their words. They are always eager and ready to take the glory or credit for every little thing or help they rendered to another person. In short, they literally blow their own trumpets—and, so loudly.
When people notice that you are very loud-mouthed, they won’t trust you that much because they know that soon than later, others might soon be hearing about all those little help you rendered to them when it becomes an open secret.
Simply put, loud-mouthed individuals cannot be trusted with certain sensitive information. Boastful people cannot be always trusted because it gets so disappointing when you find out that in most cases, behind all that bragging and braggadocio display, when it really matters, they simply cannot walk the talk!
I have heard someone say this to another person: if you know what so, so, and so person is saying about you behind your back, you won’t hesitate to stab them to death.
But that’s the reality of the matter.
I’m sure so many of us must have experienced a similar thing. People who backbite are always ready to cause damage. They say all sorts of terrible things behind your back—things they wouldn't dare to say to your face.
You might find it so difficult to understand why they are backbiting but I'm telling you now that you don’t necessarily need to dwell on that behavior of theirs simply because it is nothing but simply a reflection of their own self and lives.
But you as a backbiter, let me ask you this: are you aware that somehow, those malicious things you say about someone still gets to the person? What makes you think the person you are backbiting will not get a tip-off to mind his association with you?
And you still wondering why your ‘friend’ is suddenly turning so cold towards you?
I believe we all enjoy some level of gossips, most especially when it is not done with any malicious intent but that doesn't mean gossiping is an acceptable behavior because gossips can and do take a dangerous turn, oftentimes.
Gossips can give rise to rumors and we all are aware that nothing spreads like rumors. Worse still, rumors often lend credence to contributing towards the character assassination or calumniation of another person’s name.
Which makes gossipers a very dangerous breed.
One thing gossipers fail to realize is that as the gossips they propagate make rounds and gets different versions, so do names of their originators. A glaring consequence of this for the gossiper is that with time, people will always keep quiet or change the topic wherever you are around.
To me, one reason I don’t like gossips—most especially when I observe that you are a perpetual gossiper with a running mouth—is because it is nothing but a clear sign that you cannot keep secrets.
People who doublespeak are not among the easiest people to trust. The reason is very simple. They can easily change their stance at any given time. Their speak from both sides of their tongues. They speak with water in their mouth.
No wonder their tendency to commit a volte-face is quite remarkable which is why people don’t find them so trustworthy most of the time!
It can also be argued that people who doublespeak can easily accept bribe which makes them even more dangerous.
You might be tempted to think or believe that others will understand the reasons why you are doublespeaking at that particular time but that’s just a lie.
Sometimes, people do expect you to show signs of commitment and loyalty in the face of adversity and if you cannot do that, if you are always on the look out to save your neck, you simply cannot be trusted.
People who are so timid can easily be controlled and anybody who can easily be controlled cannot be easily and always trusted. When women say they want a ‘real’ man, you can easily interpret it as them saying that they don’t want a timid man.
People who are timid are so full of fear. And shame. And shyness. Indecisive at times, they also have no opinion, or rather, they don’t want anyone to hear their opinion. So for them, it’s anything goes.
Which is why you find it hard to trust them.
In our world where bravery and boldness are endearing and much desirable traits to possess, timid people are found disappointingly wanting in this regard.
Understand why timid people are like this. They don’t want to be judged. They don’t want to be criticized. They don’t want to incur another person’s wrath. To them, life is much better and simpler that way.
What they don’t know is that while trying to make others like you because you want to please everybody, people will always think they are faking it all and might even end up disliking them for being like this because chances are they will never speak up or out when it matters most—out of fear.
Now I must say that most of us are guilty of doing this too which is why I’m highlighting the dangers of doing it now.
You see, most times, when we second-guess another person, we are doing that based from hindsight. We know that we always want and demand that others do not judge us but it turns out that's exactly what we are doing when we second-guess others.
One other problem with second-guessing others is that we will always try to find a way in justifying our bias or earlier stance about them which no matter how wrong the evidence staring at us proves us to be wrong.
My take on second-guessing people, do it if you can’t help it or if want to but try to always keep your opinion to yourself to avoid that not so pleasant situation of making apologies later on.
To tell you the truth, for someone you may have wrongly or falsely accused due to your second-guessing them, the apologies might be accepted but the trust, once broken might remain lost forever!
Now, if you are confused after reading this because it seems there’s no way to avoid breaching someone’s trust, I say don’t be.
The thing is that spoiling one’s trust can happen at anytime so you don't necessarily need to be walking on eggshells when dealing with people. The problem solely lies in how habitual this your breaching their trust in you can become.
Realize now that people are always different. Someone people don’t and won’t give you a second chance to make amends while some might just give you a benefit of doubt. So watch it or else you might find yourself standing on the brink with this person—sometimes, without even knowing it.
So your problem and major concern now—when you must've found out that you’ve broken someone’s trust—is how you will be able to convince them that you are not a habitual trust breaker. So if you ever find yourself at the end of breaching someone’s trust, you just have to do these three things:
- Apologize first.
- Then make amends.
- And then stay committed.
Who knows, you might just be lucky and still get that second chance.