World of His Own Making
How He Saw Himself
Nigel viewed himself as more than handsome, brilliant, before he was eighteen. Adding to his ego was that he was about to enter University.
'Affirmative Action' policies had been implemented. This enabled entrance to University for those who did not have the required scores but came in the top 10% of their schools.
This was to further integration.
Had Nigel accepted this reality it might have trimmed his ego a bit. But Nigel behaved as if he had won a scholarship on merit.
Striding through the campus as if he were royalty he caught the eyes of a lot of females, and selected one for his interest.
Desireen plunged into love with Nigel and lost her virginity easily. As he did not use a condom she became pregnant.
This would, of course, destroy her chance at completing University, for she, as Nigel, was there under the specific rules of Affirmative Action.
Her mother, made aware, did not hesitate. She took Desireen to a doctor. The pregnancy was terminated.
When Nigel learned of this he became enraged and began to beat Desireen. Her mother raced in with a mop stick, hit him a few times, chased him out of the house.
So ended the relationship.
Not wishing to waste time, Nigel quickly found another girl he could beguile.
Victim Two
Lily had come out of a messy relationship. Nigel's interest swept her off her feet.
Usually rather analytical, this time, when it mattered, Lily didn't examine the 'why'.
She didn't stop and consider why this man she'd never known, who had a totally different background, would race into her life. That he would behave as if he were insanely in love with her and make her feel she ought love him.
Lily didn't pause, she dove into the relationship and married Nigel.
She soon became pregnant.
Lily was not in University on Affirmative Action. She had the grades and qualifications, and maintained the grades.
Lily continued her education up to the day she went into labour and then, only took a few days off before racing back.
Lily had ambition.
The Marriage
During the first year of marriage, as if following the Official Rules for Spousal Abuse, Nigel began his presentation.
First, he cut her off from everyone, friends and family so that he would be the only being in her life.
His Second step was to hurt her feelings. He would make her cry, then comfort her in this superior way as if being beneficent.
His Third step was intellectual abuse but angrily, he failed. For Lily was more intelligent than he in all but emotional situations.
His Fourth Step was Spiritual Abuse.
Nigel would find what she wanted to deny it, but as time passed she didn't seem to mind. If he said; 'What do you want to eat?' and she said "Chinese," he'd say, "No, Italian." And Lily would shrug.
He didn't immediately realize she was aware he'd take the anti of her pro, so asked for what she didn't want.
Lily graduated University and was considering her options when Nigel began physical abuse. He provoked her, and when she responded he hit her.
That's when Lily left him.
Victim Three
At first Nigel couldn't believe it.
How could Lily walk away from such a prize as he?
How could she claim he was abusive and get custody of their child and a restraining order against him?
How could she..win?
Confused, needing to prove his superiority Nigel quickly found another victim, Zena.
The significance of this woman was that she did not have citizenship. He could do what he pleased and she could not leave him.
This elevated his ego, erased Lily's dismissal of him. Now he owned Zena! And she worshipped him.
Nigel got a good job and kept Zena pregnant.
He was in charge, she had to do what he wanted. That is, until she gained citizenship. That is when she launched divorce proceedings and got everything, including a restraining order against him.
Nigel, enraged, could not control himself. He could not believe someone like Zena could play him. But she had. She had and he lost all sense of reality.
He carried his emotional insanity to work and behaved in such a manner he was fired from his job. He could not get another in that field.
Never Learned
Nigel never learned from his mistakes. Reality was what he constructed.
He saw himself as superior, unaware that others saw him as substandard.
That his children grew into adulthood, and rejected all contact with him, ought have been a clear indication of his abusive nature. But it wasn't.
That he had no friends should have been another flag. But in his sense of self, Nigel didn't take it as condemnation but his choice.
He went from his gleaming twenties to his squalid sixties unaware how he was seen, considered.
His University degree had lost all value when he was fired from his job due to his behavior. He obtained a job one needed no degree for. His attempts to impress those he worked with failed. To them he was just a jerk they avoided.
Had he never created that version of himself as being superior he would have had a better life.
But it is too late now.
Nigel is a nothing living nowhere, as desirable as a frog. He has no one in his life and no one wants to be.
It is likely he will have no funeral when he dies for no one cares about him.
