Androgyny of the Heart and Brain Matters
Mind meanderings over a cup of strong black coffee
Boy or girl, man or woman, we all want the same thing: emotional security.
We want it in our homes; we want it in the playground; we want it in our workplace – we want to feel it in our hearts, and we want to think it in our minds.
When instead, we feel we are not ‘given’ that heart-brain security, we rebel and we all rebel with the same energy. These days, we even use the same words and the same tone, a tone that toggles between childish frustration and animalistic anger.
And yet, can we begin to imagine a day when gender will not be at the root of the dynamics at play in the workplace, in our homes and streets?
Will there ever be a time to bury the age-old, cultural gender polarisation inherited from an era that is truly bygone?
Can we even conceive how it might pan out for boy or girl, man or woman of all ages if the freedom to pursue a genderless pathway in a truly gender-blind society was no longer considered a weird dream?
Can it ever happen to the detriment of juggernaut industries that thrive on the macho/girlie opposition, on all that is manly and all that enhances women’s femininity?
Meta-analysis studies confirm that all natural aspects of our physical appearance and gender, as well as most natural facets of our behaviour, are directly or indirectly driven by the total of prenatal and neonatal androgens which fits in nicely with the concept of karma, as partly inherited.
Either way, what leeway do we have to take charge of our life choices, lest we allow hormonal influences to rule our lives moment-by-moment?
By now, neuroscientists have also collated enough brain scan shifts to convince us that, by the time we reach our 40th birthday, our personality is well and truly formed. Fine.
They also tell us that, throughout our adulthood, it is our thoughts that have created our environment i.e. the state of our emotional health and that our thoughts have also shaped our professional/familial and financial circumstances.
Neuroscientists further confirm that throughout it all, our emotional landscape has spawned genes which, by now are responsible for our diseases.
Undoubtedly, a fair degree of karmic cause and effect is also at the root of all aspects of our ‘reality’.
Interestingly, a Chinese proverb adopted by several famous persons in the West warns:
‘Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.’
The English translation of this proverb fits well with both neuroscientific findings and the theory that karma functions as a balance sheet that is best controlled and amended by its owner moment by moment.
Should we, carelessly, fail to address our personal shortcomings, we do so at our own risk.
Gautama Buddha offered us a paired down version of the same thought: Whatever a monk keeps pursuing with his thinking and pondering, that becomes the inclination of his awareness.
It's Always All About Us
Either way, it is clear that all our personal issues are the result of our interpretation of how we perceive ourselves; how we project ourselves; how we ‘read’ people, interpret situations and respond to them.
In short, all that we are, and all that we have to deal with, has been created by our thoughts and by our emotions over the, however, many years since we were toilet-trained. Fine. Nothing to argue there either.
Blame It on the Neurons
Still, it does feel strange, doesn’t it, to accept that the feelings and circumstances that fill each of our days are the cumulative effects of the two-way exchange between the 40,000 neurones of our heart’s nervous system and our brain’s neural system via their shared electromagnetic field.
It All Begins In The Heart
Reality check #1: Where we place our thoughts is where our energy goes.
Every impulse we experience is absorbed by our heart to become a 'heartfelt' emotion which morphs into the thoughts that lead us to action – or to inaction.
Regardless of our age and gender, it pays to take better care of our heart’s health by allowing it to feel the energetic frequencies of appreciation, gentleness, forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude – a lot more often than it normally does.
Reality check #2: Seeking genuine Happiness/Contentment by striving to obtain what we want and what we desire will never make us Happy or Contended.
That is because our built-in program is of the sort that seeks to garner more of what we already have enough of while, at the same time, complaining, craving and worrying about what it imagines it doesn’t have enough of – or risk losing.
40 at Last!
Serious thought for those who have yet to reach that milestone 40th birthday:
How to approach it ‘life-fit and ready’ i.e. with a personality shaped by neurones that wire and fire in such combinations as to bring contentment and well-being, which presumes the type of love, the degree of health needed for that individual and the cash flow that enables that person to live safely and comfortably. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Resilient Beings R Us
For the rest of us, regardless of age and gender, how to optimise our emotional landscape while we still can?
How to shift away from built-in anger and resentment and towards greater empathy and genuine cooperation?
How to better prepare our young ones, regardless of their age and gender, to think beyond immediate physical and materialistic needs?
Bottom line: the answer to each of the questions is the same.
Learn to think differently.
Agree that it’s OK to change your mind - literally.
Understand that the priority task here, now, is to rethink the way you have been thinking.
Once we embark on that path, one-minute step at a time, like the gardener planting seeds and seedlings, we begin to cultivate a degree of personal freedom a.k.a. Emotional Coherence between our heart and our brain.
In time, we become resilient beings.
In time, we become the best version of ourselves.
Then, with this blueprint as our first-response mechanism, we can exert a different type of influence over the young people in our lives, regardless of their age and gender.
In the fullness of time, we can feel a different energy and observe the subtle ripple effects of our authentic, personal performance.
We, parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, family friends, school and workplace friends, teachers and neighbours can inspire children to think beyond themselves and beyond their immediate needs.
Once they can think of humanity as a whole, they will impact the world like no previous generation ever has.
That will happen because, then, they will ‘do life’ with their authentic, energetic core and no longer from a gendered persona locked into a gendered agenda that has been developed by the warp and weft of societal gender biases over too many centuries to count.
To help our children, regardless of their age, balance their karmic energy we, parents, brothers/sister, grandparents must give of ourselves.
We must have dedicated, quality time for our children daily. Equally, we also owe that to ourselves and our adult loved ones.
Home-love awareness needs to be topped up with some time outdoors, at least once a week, much more during periods that are free from work and free from school.
Everyone’s electronic devices 'get grounded' for the duration and must stay home.
Let Us Find What We Have Lost
It is up to us to model and develop in children of all ages a gender-neutral love of nature, a craving for fresh air, for moving their limbs in a playful, joyful way – and the particular pleasure derived from gazing upward at the clouds, at the sky and beyond.
It is up to us to rekindle such emotions in ourselves. It is up to us to reconnect fragments of our adult selves with the child-like feeling of being carefree and breathing freely – even if only in instalments, a few moments here and there but on a regular basis.
Oh ... and, of course, as parents/brothers and sisters/aunts and uncles/grandparents, let us not overlook the importance of making sure our children feel what so many of us did not feel when we were their age: emotional security.
Braver New World Ahead
With or without us, the world in us and the world around us is organically, randomly being shaped one moment at a time.
So, we might as well do our bit to create a Braver new world.
Once, collectively and separately, we manage to co-create such essential balance in ourselves and our children, regardless of their age, gender and gendered angst will no longer be our issues.