Authentic is As Authentic Acts
Science tells us that there exists no single body of living water that is free of ripples, not even the smallest pond.
Waves are nothing more than large ripples strengthened by the friction of the wind, the length of time it has been blowing over them and the distance the waves have travelled.
Similarly, regardless of gender and age, there is nothing we say or do that is free of energetic ripples that, in the fullness of time, create the emotional and physical outcomes of our day-to-day.
These ripples went on to create our circumstances today, as they have done through regular karmic updates - a.k.a. setbacks or upheavals - since our early teens.
Is it necessary to wait for any karmic ripple of whichever magnitude to wash over our shoes or to knock us sideways for us to accept that such ripples exist?
In regards to our general body/mind connection: if a third-party scan of our emotional hard drive were to reveal proof of our chronic search and trade-offs for attention, affection, excitement, appreciation, acceptance and status - while wishing for emotional safety/coherence - wouldn’t it all be a bit embarrassing?
And, if several aspects of our search posed the slightest risk of not only harming our physical and/or emotional selves but of possibly hurting others as well through the invisible karmic ripple effect, wouldn’t our credibility as a 'loving' person be somewhat undermined?
Being emotionally ‘fit’ begins with de-gendering behaviour to better connect with our true nature which, being good, kind, and pure energy, is sexless.
It’s about being authentic.
It's about responding to the so-called vagaries of life through our combined core energy - Nurturing and Protecting. Yes, both spelt with a capital letter for emphasis.
Are We For Real?
Being genuine amounts to nudging ourselves, our children and our friends, away from aspects of what the French call Paraitre [appearances] in favour of Etre [being authentic] with which it rhymes.
With each passing season, according to fads, trends and everyone's emotional needs, these aspects have become as entrenched and personalised in our children’s psyche, as they have in ours.
We remember that, beyond initial moments of euphoria and occasional feelings of satisfaction, no amount of material goods – not even the ultra-latest technology or the largest diamond - no amount of money spent or saved – no amazing holiday destination can ever bring warmth to our hearts and contentment to our mind – or to that of any of our loved ones.
Another Serious question: would you rather be showered with gifts or showered with loved by the ones you care for and love the most?
Not surprisingly, finding that sweet spot between Appearances/posturing and Being our authentic selves has proven to be one of the main ‘brain-resistant’ challenges of our entire civilisation.
And that is because the energy of Integrity, Nurturing and Protecting do not emanate from the brain wired for hedonistic or is it narcissistic outcomes - but from the heart - and therein lies the ongoing complication.
Because of the demands of the task of being 'real', we need a workable plan – a comprehensive plan for an A game – a game that is not for the faint-hearted, pun intended.
So, very humbly, let’s not aspire to change the world just yet - not until we manage to change enough of our mind to change our selves for the better.
Gear Up For The End Game
For us, boy/man or girl/woman of all ages, alive here and now, the essential end-game tactical plan starts with rethinking our thinking when face-to-face with our loved ones, our friends, our neighbours, our colleagues, and strangers equally - particularly when our buttons have been pushed.
Points to remember:
We are always in the game. We cannot quit the game.
This game is played round by round, minute by minute.
Each game cycle lasts 1, 440 minutes.
There is no time out, no break time, no refresh time except for some 8 hours of rejuvenating sleep.
We are expected to remain fully present during the entire length of each cycle.
How to Rock The Impulse Control Button?
We have one essential tool that helps us put our best foot forward - an Impulse Control button. The sooner we master its use, the better chance we have to score points throughout each cycle
Our Impulse Control button is always pulsing. No one but ourselves is able to touch it. No one else is able to see it. The option to slam it down is always ours and ours only.
Any time is a good time to remember that reacting while in angry, outraged, resentful or ‘meddling’ modes only leads to poor performance.
We always have the option to express ourselves calmly, caringly - which goes beyond politely - and fairly.
That option is up for grabs any time we interact face-to-face with persons we might not like - and when ‘present’ on social media.
Equally, we always have the option to opt out of any dead-end round to focus on another aspect of the game unfolding further with each of our thoughts.
Heads up: when in Confrontation Mode, as hard as it will feel ‘in the moment,' the next best response immediately after slamming hard on the Impulse Control button is to quickly follow-through with a long, slow breath through the nose and a long exhale also through the nose.
Next, a moment of clarity long enough to analyse what we mean by the words: ‘I am speaking my truth. This is what I believe.’
Point to consider: Our ‘truth’ is simply our point-of-view born out of our personal frame of reference - or borrowed from someone else's - nothing more.
Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés, the author of the long-running New York times bestseller, Women Who Run With the Wolves, wrote, “When seeking guidance, don't ever listen to the tiny-hearted. Be kind to them, heap them with blessing, cajole them, but do not follow their advice."
Rule Of Five
To stick to our game plan, - regardless of our age and gender - a response from the sweet spot that lies between Appearances/posturing and ‘doing life’ from our authentic self will take us that much closer to the soul-based civility imagined by Dr Pinkola Estes.
Throughout the entirety of the game, however long it should last and all the way up to the final minutes, a good strategy is to adhere to a personalised Rule of 5:
1. What I am about to say will be expressed kindly because it is truly intended to be supportive.
2. To the best of my knowledge, it is accurate. It is not simply something I believe or feel as an omniscient, instant expert. It’s not a hand-me-down thought.
3. It is necessary to express my considered point-of-view by way of comments because it is relevant to the current conversation. Choosing to say nothing would be counter-productive.
4. My comment is timely in the face of the evidence at hand.
5. I will not feel belittled in any way if my comment is ridiculed or if it raises a storm of negativity.
In short, what I am thinking and what I am about to say and the comment I am about to make is intended as a win-win moment about to unfold. It is coherent with my heart and with my brain, but I understand that such 'clarity' might be irritating to some.
It's Hard - Very Hard!
We are now ready for the Overall Game Plan – the one that is seriously not for the faint-hearted:
Whether in the playground, in the classroom, in the streets, in the office, in our home, regardless of our age and gender, our heart/brain connection works in the same way.
Therefore, we WANT to rethink of our thinking.
Changing our mind by improving our heart/brain coherence is by far the best things we can do at any given moment.
Getting our brain onboard in regards to such a degree of ‘impulse-control’ is hard.
It's very-very hard because ‘self-control’ is not a chemically-induced reflex hard-wired into our brain! Far from it because there is no joy in that, as far as our brain is concerned.
We do want to input positively on our heart’s health, and we can do so 'in the moment,' way ahead of our next heart health check.
We can do that by engaging the ‘Sharing Mode.'
When in ‘Sharing Mode,’ regardless of where we are, regardless of how we feel and regardless of our intentions, we remember to remember to rethink thinking.
We remember that, just as we believe that what certain people believe is wrong, quite a lot of what we believe is equally inaccurate.
We remember that the ‘Sharing Mode’ requires moment-by-moment Commitment, day after day - starting with each of the ones inside our first circle of influence.
It will bring us – and them – much closer to our authentic selves - closer to the sweet spot that sits between Paraitre and Etre i.e. the sweet spot between Posturing and Being.
Over And Out - For Now
Argh, already some 1500 words into this mind-meander.
Time to pull back right here before this little HubPage becomes too long - dense and intense :-)
© 2017 Carole Claude Saint-Clair