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Be Aware and Choose Well

Updated on March 9, 2016
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Welcome

Welcome again one and all and I do trust this finds you well. Come along and gather around the Fireside on this winter day that has again turned my world white.

Take up a seat and get comfortable and lets just have a chat about something hanging heavy in the air this morning. Social media and the way it can be used to steer people, almost as a form of control. Forgive me but when I see others hurt I really need to stand up and be counted.

© Quill Collection
© Quill Collection
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Hugs Abound

First to those who have been hurt in the vast array of Social Media accept this meagre offering of flowers from one who has had the same experience. You are not alone.

Do you remember the school yard bully the one who hunted you down daily just to flex their muscle and pretend they lived in a little kingdom they controlled. We have all seen them, they are the ones who know everything, comment on everything and yet deep inside they do not have a life other than to prey on the kindness of others. It is the way life can be even as what we call full grown adults yet we get hurt and that is so sad.

I have been taught to not judge, turn the other cheek and all but there are times when I need to stop and direct my words at those who choose to direct their anger and frustrations at other. You see for me the bully chased me until one day I stopped his rein of terror on many. Sadly enough he discovered what it was like to be on the receiving end of pain and humiliation. As it turned out he became one of my better friends in life.


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Social Media

Lets look at the same happening in the Social Media we find ourselves in, no matter the format we see the dominant people. As often as not we do look up to them because of all the hard work they have invested in gaining respect and position, It is admirable to see success in what ever endeavour they have chosen. I admire those who have rightfully achieved the position.

I think the stumbling block for me is when I can see they have gained notoriety by means other than their accomplishments in what ever the endeavour they choose. Lie many I have seen this in action and truthfully it makes me step back and say why?

Most Social Media sites offer incentives to people to do well. They recognize them through accolades, merits and encourage people to do their best to reach good standing. It is a wonderful way to gain followers and get your name out there. I think it is great for people to have a place to show their talents like photography, writing sharing their interest etc. Think back a few years ago and it was not available. We do live in a wonderful age and it is amazing to think at the click of a mouse we can be anywhere in the world and be connected.


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Can we and Do We

When we place our accolades and earnings before the heart and soul of Social Media I do think we have an imbalance that happens. It is where we forget about the other person and place the claim to fame over relationships. Again I mean not to be condescending or judgemental but stop and think before you blaspheme or hurt the other. Maybe stop and take a look in the mirror and be honest with what you see.

As a struggling writer, photographer and many other interests I have many who follow and I love them unconditionally. I stand by and support them in areas I know best and the true blessing of doing so is I get the same in return.

When we befriend people on these sites pay attention closely if you support them through comments and visits to their sites. Do they do the same for you. If not maybe it is time to look at the way you interact. Can you agree to disagree, of course and you move on. But when you do disagree do you find yourself under attack. If so then it is unhealthy and time to cut the strings and move on and stand back and watch the slow burn. The true colours do come out.

When I accept a friend I will stand by them at all costs until they prove me wrong through their actions. "Care not and be not cared for is a good rule." Choose well my dear friends. The accolades mean nothing when you end up standing alone.

Lets all take the time to look in the mirror.... it may enlightening.

Relax

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    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 5 years ago from Neverland

      This is the best advice I have ever read and I know it comes from a wonderful source who has been there. I will be honest with myself daily and I will choose carefully when I put my trust in others. Thank you for giving me so much to think about today. I shall not abandon social media - I will be smarter about using it. You're a great friend.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Thanks Ardie... good to have you visit the Fireside. For anyone that has seen the aspect of "Gain no matter the pain" it is something I have gone through once and care not to again...

      Hugs

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Thank you I needed to read this.. I have a few people hurt me.. but I just square my shoulders and go on. this hub is excellent.

      I voted way up

      Debbie

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Deborah... hugs for the hurt and yes we do need to move on. I think the hardest part is is attempting to understand why...

      Hugs from Canada

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S 5 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Well, Social Media can be dangerous at times, but I have met some very good people too. As you say, it is worth being cautious online. Good hub! Voted up and tweeted.

    • Capedium profile image

      Capedium 5 years ago from Texas.

      If this was facebook, I would just click on like... Rolly this your comment is piercing...

    • R9139 profile image

      R9139 5 years ago

      Very well written

    • Cloverleaf profile image

      Cloverleaf 5 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

      Hi Rolly, I am so glad of your warm fireplace. I just got in from a walk and it's chilly out there...brrrrr. I do remember that school bully and it upsets me to the same stuff happening on social media. I appreciate good friends when I find them :)

      Hugs to you, voting up and sharing this.

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 5 years ago from Planet Earth

      Well put, and very timely! I have been hurt by people in my life (as we all have), and it's a challenging lesson to rise above things and move forward with your head held high. In the long run, actions are like mirrors and reflect back on those who performed the action more than on the victims. But I do adhere to your advice to pay attention when we learn our choice has proven wrong. Voted up and awesome.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi, Rolly, I had a problem with someone on here a couple of years ago, and the feeling that I had was sheer frustration that I couldn't stand in front of them and have a go, now I learn to keep my head down so to speak, and luckily the people on here especially are all nice, but yes it can certainly be nasty, take care, did you say you have snow again? never mind Spring is just around the corner, nell

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Anamika S you ar so right there are some truly great people who bring a fresh light into our lives. I do stand corrected in maybe not stressing that in the Hub... The caution was by greatest concern.

      Hugs

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Capedium... welcome to the Fireside and good to have you here. You are more than welcome to join in and say hello. Thank you for the comment.

      Blessings

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Marcy... hugs for the hurt and hugs for stepping out and taking back what is yours. You are a true winner to recognize what is amiss in any relationship. To me that is a lesson of value and you are more than welcome to visit us here at the Fireside anytime.

      Hugs from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Cloverleaf... Hugs the Bullies are hard to forget and should they be allowed to continue they take it into their adult life. Most I have seen are no more than spoiled little children that have gotten so used to having their own way they expect life to be the same.

      No matter what they will eventually implode upon themselves.

      Glad you found the Fireside warm today and look forward to having you visit as often as you like and Mom is always welcome.

      Hugs

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Nell... yes we have snow and offering free delivery should you need it...smiles. I do recall what you are talking about and know the frustration... I guess maybe I should learn from you and keep my head down but it is not in my nature to see injustice at the expense of others. Keep hubbing Nell... love what you are doing over there. You are a true trooper in the trenches and we love you dearly.

      Hugs from across the big pond

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi R9139... first off welcome to the gathering at the Fireside and nice to have you visit... we do trust will find so peace here and some est. I assure you this hub is not the usual for me smiles....

      Blessings

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      Eloquently written and so truthful! Yes you and I were definitely on the same wave length. Enjoyed your words and this is well written! :)

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Julianna... thank you and I enjoyed your posted as well on the subject... well done and something we all need to be aware of...

      Hugs

    • Capedium profile image

      Capedium 5 years ago from Texas.

      Marcy Goodfleisch... I love your comment..

      "In the long run, actions are like mirrors and reflect back on those who performed the action more than on the victims."

      Please hope you don't mind fellow Hubbers, when I read a Hub I like, I don't just read the hub, I read everything that goes with it.. The comment, respond by the author everything.. Hope is ok to love and commend a comment..

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Rolly, I've been on Social Network sites for over 12 years. Yes even on MySpace and I never had any issues until this past month. I have met people all over the world and I hae been truly blessed with what I have learned from them and what I was able to teach them. I have learned to move forward since we have no other choice. Your words will be appreciated by many.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rolly my friend, I have come to expect excellence from you and excellence I receive each and every time. Bravo for this hub; from the heart, well-written and a timely message. Thank you sir!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      I agree fully Sunshine... but I have also been on the other side and watched in horror at what people can do.

      I have been involved not as long as you for certain and the friendships I have gained I hold them near and dear. Many of which have stood the test of time often resulting in personal friendships watching families grow and becoming a part of such.

      Thank you ever so much for the comment...great hubs

      Hugs

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Billy... your comment is too kind as I was certainly ranting the day I wrote this... but again when it happens we do need to speak out in love and share.

      Thanks Billy for stopping in... you are always welcome here.

      Blessings

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I truly understand Rolly, I have also witnessed how cruel people could be. I have no idea what they expect to gain from their acts, but I feel for those that are in their path.

    • CassyLu1981 profile image

      CassyLu1981 5 years ago from Spring Lake, NC

      Wonderful advice Rolly, as always. I really do enjoy sitting around your campfire and reading your hubs. It's like a whole new world here! I have been on the social media networks forever it seems and I've had my good and bad. It's like being in high school all over again. Someone reads a post or story wrong and blows it out of proportion and it never ends. I've learned to just not comment on the negatives or thank them, depending on who it is. Negative feedback isn't always a bad thing, it's how you handle it that makes the differance. Thanks again for sharing a wonderful hub! Can't wait to see what the fireside brings next!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      You have given me something to think about and that is a good thing!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi SS... thanks again for the comment and following this hub...

      Hugs

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi CassyLu... good advice and thank you for sharing with us. There those times yes when we do sorta put ou feet in our mouths... but there are times we need to stand our ground... pleased to hear you enjoy the Fireside...

      Hugs from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Audrey... good to have you here... feel free to pull u a chair and spend as much time as you like... rest is good.

      Hugs

    • SanneL profile image

      SanneL 5 years ago from Sweden

      Beautiful written. As so many of us, I too have been hurt more times than I can remember. However, I cannot and will not change the way I am. I'll continue to love, give, have compassion and help people as much as I can. I know there will be people hurting me again, but they can never outnumber the wonderful people that I can truly call dear friends.

      Rolly, I enjoyed this meeting by the fireside!

      Hugs from Sweden!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Rolly, that roaring fire is so good today, it's cold and wet out there...

      It never fails to amaze me just how cruel some people can be...

      Sadly I think most of us have experienced it.

      Thank you for this, excellent work.

      Best wishes Lesley

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi SanneL... thanks for the comment and I agree there are many wonderful people who can be found here and they are a true blessing to have around...

      Hugs

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 5 years ago

      Rolly A Chabot, So glad that I stopped by the fireside this morning, Wonderful wise advice! Much to ponder... I began my journey to write and share the goodness of the Lord via the social medias with cautious reserve! Being from a family of IT developers I was encouraged that it was an excellent means to safely do so! I love to travel so it gave me an opportunity to experience diverse populations and cultures as well…

      However I found out what you said to be so true! You can share but when you disagree you can so easily be maligned and under attack! As you well stated: “But when you do disagree do you find yourself under attack. If so then it is unhealthy and time to cut the strings and move on and stand back and watch the slow burn. The true colours do come out.” Yes! “Be aware and choose well…” Thank you for this excellent, wise and insightful advice! In His Love, Grace, Joy, Peace and Blessings! God Bless You!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
      Author

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi DeBorrah... agreed fully with you on this one as I think we have all been caught in the attacks especially when we are writing about something we are passionate about.

      I slipped into a forum once and was flooded with personal emails and outright malicious attacks in the forum. Even though I stood my ground it was hard to back away. Each are entitled to their own opinions and I choose to not attack theirs but rather just carry on. One thing I have found that still baffles me is you can write something one way and it becomes totally and completely twisted around in a matter of minutes.

      Hugs from Canada

    • Beth100 profile image

      Beth100 5 years ago from Canada

      Rolly,

      You warm my heart everytime I come and sit for a spell. You bring life back into perspective. And most importantly, you remind me that I am not alone. That we all share the same emotions, experiences and life. What differentiates us from each other, is the choices that we make. Whether we face the lion head on, turn and run, allow it to continue or destroy it before it has a chance to destroy us.

      I am blessed for many friends who have stood by me. I am greatly blessed for my family who have stood by me, behind and in front of me through my trialling times.

      Here, on the net, I have learned, the hard way too, that "friends" are not always what you think they are. It is too easy to make up their personalities when you have not spent the time to know them or meet them.

      You have offered wonderful and sage advice regarding social sites. As always, you bring the point into focus.

      I'm home visiting this week in Alberta. I love this province! And, it's a great feeling to know that we are almost side by side. :)

      Peace and light and plenty of hugs! xo

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Beth... great to hear from you and thanks for the visit the wonderful comment and all the news. The net is a great place to meet people but it can also can be devastating... hugs for your time in Alberta and I do hope you have some special time with friends and family.

      Thanks agin for saying hello... missed seeing you.

      Hugs from Alberta and close by

    • Cathleena Beams profile image

      Cathleena Beams 4 years ago from Lascassas, Tennessee

      Hi Rolly - Your fireside chats are always so filled with wisdom and kindness. It is a shame that not all people are good and pure of heart. There is evil in this world and people that prey on others because they have a false sense of entitlement and believe that they should have whatever their hearts desire no matter what the cost is to others. They are like a bull in a china shop trampling over everything and everyone that gets in their way. But thankfully, the majority of the people we encounter are not like this and do genuinely care and want to enrich the lives of others and leave a legacy of love and blessings in their wake.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Cathleena... welcome to the Fireside as always. A blessing to have you here and read your comment. Yes afraid there are those who do pray, who do hurt and do damage. Like you say it takes place in the world as well.

      I have met so many wonderful people and writers over the past several years. It is these who leave a lasting impression. The ones that cause damage well they will find out some day when another does it to them.

      Hugs and Blessings

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Hello Rolly A Chabot! I have arrived at your fireside accidentally and glad it happened. This hub is full of wisdom and thoughts to ponder. I'm taking your words from here and will be more cautious in the future.

      "The accolades mean nothing when you end up standing alone."

      This is very enlightening. Excellent piece! Thank you. Voting up and will be sharing.

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      Hi Rolly! It's a cold night tonight in Toronto and I need your Fire. Very interesting points you got here, it glued my attention of the full hub. There are jealous, envious and plainly unreasonable people out there and they don't understand a bit of the importance of having friends even in social media. Trolling hurts in the Internet world especially if hubs reaches the trolls of social media, but we can just ignore them because we are far better than them, in thoughts, in words and in heart. And with this famous phrase- "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it." This will serve as a good practice to those who are just looking to damage someone and his work.

      Thank you, Rolly! Good job!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Morning CrisSp... welcome again to the Fireside and so glad you found your way here. Great to have you. Please find a chair and say hello as often as you like.

      Not sure what it is about social media but sometimes we have the odd encounter where we do end standing alone. Maybe we are attacked because of our beliefs, our opinions or just because we look like an easy mark. Not sure but the Fireside is one place where all opinions are respected...

      Hugs from Alberta

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Morning again coffeegginmyrice... I so love that saying "If you have nothing nice to say"... You are so right there. I can recall that days of eating soap on a regular bases... lol

      I agree with you yes there are some trolls out there and they do ove their work. What is so sad is often people who are so pleasant when in public can be a totally different person while they hide behind a keyboard. To them it may be a safe place to show their true side.

      Sorry you are having some cold out that way. Been following the forecast so I have taken out a few extra blankets, snuggle in and enjoy the Fireside.

      Hugs from Alberta

    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 4 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      Loyalty these days is not easy to find.... yet on the other hand very easy to find... just look. Well done - i particularly love the way you wrapped this hub up..... "Lets all take the time to look in the mirror.... it may enlightening." So True! Keep up the good work

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Neil... welcome to the Fireside and I do hope you find something here that brings a smile or brightens your day.

      I agree with you there are so many great people out there but once burned I guess we get a little gun shy. But life carries on and thankfully we have the delete button if all attempts are made to express your point and they are not well taken.

      Life can be fun especially when we look at ourselves...

      Rolly in Canada

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 4 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Hello my brother. Long time. I have been away from the social media for a time (Family matters) I plan on being around for a while and visit my neighbors that i dearly miss ( like you bro) and get out some more writing. No matter the mile I think your pretty special and you are my bro!! Please say hi to the mrs and of course the quigley and I send hugs your Canada way rolly.

      I see you wrote this hub a time back. The same still goes today on the WWW. I have learned to pray for those that injured me as you said the true colors will come out and they do in time!! We do not need to hang out with anyone. We just need to forgive them and move on. Your hub is great reminder that just as in the world on the web there are sheep who wear wolves clothing. We need to exercise caution and discernment. I know for me I have lost several readers after writing on something that triggers a message they do not agree with. When I wrote what does God say about same sex unions 6 or 7 followers moved on and unfollowed. I think I was bummed out at first but I BELIEVE Gods word and He says He will pay double what we have lost. He is faithful brother! We are a child of God, Amen! It is all good I can only hope seeds were planted and in the loss I learned a valuable lesson. Everything that comes in my life points right back to God. He is the source. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. He turns it all for the good for those that love Him, Amen.

      As always I love your writing and thank you for such a blessed read. Your hub opened my heart to times as this. I really can count it all joy because God is true to His word. It is not always easy but God said when we face troubles, not if we face trouble, be not anxious for nothing. It is not always easy growing up in His image. good thing HE is the heart changer. I love ya bro. I will be back in your neck of the woods soon. Love the fireside always warm and cozy. Your sista skye.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi my dear friend Skye... an amazing thing happens in life when we think of and pray for another. In a matter of time they appear as you have today. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping and saying hello. I have been thinking of the joy a grandchild has brought you and hubby.... smiles.

      The pain of the net and those we encounter is the same as life. The greatest difference is those who decide to lash out here can do so while hiding behind the screen. They basically become invisible to accountability. At the end of the day they need to live in their world and we who choose to move on can. We all make mistakes in life. We do become those who we wish we were not at the time. The key is to forgive and move on, having learned something along the way.

      So glad you found the Fireside again. The door is always open for you to come in and just rest Skye... know that you are loved here...

      Hugs to all in your life...

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