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Being Naive is a Small Part of a Woman's Life
A Woman's Life
Have you ever been told that your "too happy"?
It's kind of like having too much money, don't you think?
Yes, when the father of my two oldest children left me, his words to me were, "Shannon, you need to realize that life isn't all peaches and cream..."
Good one, eh? I was being condemned for being "happy"! I'll never forget those words for as long as I live...
I might have been young, and naive, but dammit, I believed that I was actually HAPPY! Since he and I went our seperate ways, I have learned a great deal about life, and yes, he was right... Life isn't all "peaches and cream"... Life is what you make it!
A person can have whatever they want, they just have to want it bad enough. And even though I am FAR from being an expert at relationship-advice, I have been through some pretty tough times... If there is a relationship problem out there, most likely, I've been through it! You name it, I've been lied to, cheated on, pushed around, beat on, slandered, slammed, and simply put- abused.
I'm not trying to sound conceited, or anything, but I truly don't think I deserved the treatment I have received in the past. I am only one, out of millions of women, who have been battered and abused. I had to learn the hard way that I didn't HAVE to take it... I was ignorant because I was unexperienced, and under-educated in the "relationship" field...
I quit school and moved right in with him, which, he was a drop-out, also.
Soon after quitting school, I got a phone call from Planned Parenthood, (as I was getting my birth control through them) saying that I had a pap come back "abnormal", and I needed to be referred to a doctor. Come to find out, I had cervical cancer, and the doctor they had me go to, had no idea what was wrong with me, yet, he was going to schedule me for a complete hysterectamy... I was only 16 years old... I went for a second opinion, and thats when I found out about the cervical cancer, and it was already in the 2nd stage. (there's only 3 stages...) So, after the first doctor doing two colposcopies on me, the new doctor decided to try "cryotherapy", which is where they freeze your cervix, and scrape off the cancerous cells. He told me that with the records he DID receive from the other doctor, which was only about half, he said, the combination of medications he had me on, should have made me sterile. The cryotherapy was successful, and I was fine, but the doctor told me that I had a 20% chance of EVER getting pregnant, and the longer I waited, the less chance I had.
In the meantime, I had the "Norplant System" removed, as I didn't believe I needed it, seeing it was almost impossible for me to ever get pregnant anyway... And needless to say, two weeks later, I was pregnant! It all went good, I thought!
Well, after my son was born, I had another baby, this time a girl! I was so happy. I had never lied to, cheated on, or abused my ex in any way, and the first thing he said when he saw her, was, "That's not my kid." (because her hair was really dark when she was born) The day he came to the hospital to pick us up to go home, he told me he was leaving me... for my brother's girlfriend! After that, I found out that her son, who was one year younger than my son, and one year older than my daughter... my NEPHIEW, was in fact, NOT my nephiew, but my kids' half brother! HOW SICK! He cheated on me with her while she was living with my brother! And my brother had no clue, either, until I was told, then it ALL came out!
I was automatically put into a deep post-natal depression. Within 3 or 4 months, I lost 72 pounds, I wouldn't even go outside! My friends and family came to check in on me, and my two babies, every other day, or so, because I had been left with no vehicle, no money, no phone, or anything.
After these few confusing months went by, right out of the blue, I thought, "What in the HELL am I doing???" I am taking AWAY from my babies, because of a useless, piece-of-shit who didn't even know his ass, from a hole in the ground!
It seemed as though with every passing day after my realization, I got braver, more confident, and my self-esteem sky-rocketed out of sight as soon as I figured out that I wasn't actually all those nasty things he said I was.
I took classes to become a card dealer at the Akwesasne Mohawk Casino, while at the same time doing a 4am paper route and working at Sugar Creek to earn some extra cash. I worked at the Casino for about four years strait, until I got pregnant for my third child, another girl! I worked through my whole pregnancy, until the doctor took me off for maternity leave-(He had to force me- I really liked my job!) I went back to work when the baby was six weeks old, worked for about 3 months, I quit, and I didn't work again until March of last year, when I became a Partylite Consultant.
My whole point here, is anyone can get through anything, and everyone learns at their own pace. You can't force a person to look at their life through someone else's eyes until the light had been shed upon them. You can walk them through their hard times, talk them through their hard times, but you can't force them to change things, if they aren't ready for change yet.
The best thing you can do for someone who is going through a rocky point in their life, is be supportive, and be there when they need you... Listen to them like they were reading a chapter out of the best book you've ever heard, and sound interested, not bothered, or annoyed.
A lot of women "clam up" or "shut down" when there are problems on the rise. Simply because they don't want to feel small, or belittled, and they don't want others to feel sorry for them. When, in fact, even though they won't admit it most of the time, they just need for someone to listen to them.
Being a good friend consists of falling into that category where you are considered "The greatest friend ever"- just for letting them be heard, and letting them cry, and get it all off their chest. Speaking from experience, I know that everyone deals with different situations in different ways, but it all boils down to the same thing... We are all human, you, and I, and we are all looking for a similar fate- to live, laugh, love, and die, then continue on to whatever comes next.
All it takes is getting your hands dirty once in a while, with the soil of anothers' pain, to plant a new seed within the life of another, to start the growth of the healing process.
Life's little lessons do have value... They have helped us to get to where we are today, but we all, too often, choose to base our future choices mainly on our experiences from our past... This is probobly not the best way to be, as you will be making decisions based on an unfavorable time in your life, and your trust on the situation being dealt with, may not be up to par...
Remember that no matter how hard a situation may be, if you are having a hard time dealing with it, go in search for your best friend, or an understanding person, and spill your guts! Taking weight off your shoulders is a good stress reliever!
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