A miracle Christmas
Go back in time 4 years, and think about where you were. I am going to tell you where I was, I was in a psychiatric hospital. It was just after Christmas, around the first of January. My mind had been in shambles for a while, and I struggled the worst during the Christmas season. Perhaps it was my loneliness that took me into the darkest depths of depression and anxiety. Perhaps it was just my lack of the Christmas Spirit, the TRUE Christmas spirit.
After I got out of the hospital I started praising the Lord at home. I would lift my hands to Him listening to Christian music and sing and cry out to Him. It helped tremendously always, but there was this one time, that was completely different. A time I'll never forget.
I spent a long time in my childhood in a broken abusive home. And came from a broken abusive church as a small child. My trust was non existent, and perhaps even more non existent with the Lord. Some so called Christians had wounded me In the worst way. So much that I found it very difficult to truly trust this man called Jesus.
I never allowed myself to be vulnerable with anyone, not truly vulnerable. I never allowed myself to be open enough to really feel true love.
I was lifting my hands one time singing the song "this is the air I breath" and suddenly something started pouring into my spirit. It started at my head and went all the way down, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with warmth, and peace, and love, and even more than all of that, an intense feeling of comfort. I cried uncontrollably and dropped to the ground. I wasn't on my knees, I laid on the floor curled up in a ball, feeling for the first time the REAL LOVE of Jesus. Feeling Him for the first time uninhibited by my fear.
THAT is the Christmas Spirit. The spirit of Jesus. His love. His birth yes, but also His death on the cross for our sins, His rising again to life, and changing everything about existence, everything about love. He changed the World, He changed the way we experience God, He died so He could send us the Comforter, His Holy Spirit within Us, breathing new life into our souls.
I am Pentecostal, and I believe in the Gift of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. But sometimes the experiences we have are not always shouting down the house, which I LOVE by the way. However, sometimes it is the small still voice saying I'm here, I love you, I'll never leave you. Sometimes that has the greatest effect of all.
So while you travel through this Christmas season, remember not only that a savior was born, but why He is a savior, what He went through, for all of us, to bring us life more abundantly.
I know depression is High this time of year, and I don't pretend that it still doesn't rear it's ugly head in my life. But I now face the darkness with a light that shines brighter than my pain. A light saying my grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in your weakness. A light saying that I'll never leave you, even in the most broken pieces of your heart, even in the most intense pain of depression you face, He is right there saying, I'm here, I've got you, I love you, I'll never leave you.
Don't ever give up. Life is worth the Living because Jesus is alive. Let Him in your dry and thirsty soul. Lift your hands to Him and ask Him to fill you with HIS spirit, the TRUE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.
God bless you all in Jesus Name.