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Help Wanted (A Christian Parody)

Updated on July 9, 2010

This hub is a parody. The job described is an allegory of transferring from the ways of the world to the ways of God.


People who are looking for new opportunities. Must be team players.

  1. Wages: beyond expectation.
  2. Benefits: out of this world.
  3. Retirement: complete and unending package.

You’ve accepted a new position in a charitable company. You had developed skills and abilities during your past years of employment. But now you have a new position and your boss has completely different methods to which you are expected to submit. You think that many of your developed methods work well, some are even very effective. Yet, you know that the methods you had been taught, and others that you’ve logically deduced from various suggestions through the years, seemed to be much more promising than effective. So you continued to refine your methods to perfect them.

Now your new boss tells you to abandon your old developed methods to submit to a whole new methodology. He proclaims, “What I am presenting to you is really a whole new way of life, vastly different from your old ways, promising you much greater benefits. And it is 100% reliable.” This wells up all kinds of mixed feelings in you. You feel uncomfortable with an unfamiliar methodology. You’ve worked so hard through the years to perfect your ways. Some of your methods have proven to be somewhat reliable. You feel very uncomfortable to let go of your methods to adhere to methods you haven’t proven yet. “What are my friends, my family, and my peers going to think of me if I leave the methods which they condone to adopt methods with which they are neither familiar nor with which they agree?” After all, you have an image to uphold. Some already view you as successful, while others suggest that you would be successful if you would only take their suggestions. However, something within you draws you to rely on your boss’ methods. But, how are these new methods going to affect your life? How dependable are they? These concerns make you feel uneasy.

Your new boss comforts you saying that he will support you 100% as you’re transitioning over to his methods. He encourages you as he tells you of the security and stability your life will have when you have adapted to his methods. He says, “Those few who have trusted in my methods have advanced my business and grown immensely. They have realized my whole new way of life. They have learned to rely on my provision for them along the way but the greatest by far of all of my provisions is in their retirement package which is out of this world!”

You’re drawn to his methods. You decide to adapt yourself to them. You begin to learn his methods but they are strange to what you understand. They feel so foreign. Yet, within you know that his methods are best. You want to see his provision in your life and you want to advance his business. This encourages you to learn and adapt to his ways.

You approach him and say, “As I’m gathering the information of your methods I don’t understand how they will be so effective. They don’t seem logical or reasonable to me.” He responds, “I know exactly what you mean. This is why so few adopt my methods. For years, you, as well as others, have developed your logic and reasoning contrary to my methods. This is why my methods seem so foreign to you. Your reasoning, your logic, and your feelings can even function as enemies to frustrate the advancement of my methods in your life. But be patient! Soon your discernment of matters will be developed by my methods. You will then gain insight which can only be acquired through my methods. You will learn to trust in the things which I tell you are true. Just stay faithful to learning and applying them. The benefits are addicting, you’ll see.”

The transition challenges you like you’ve never been challenged before. His methods are so different. Every one else is marching to the beat of the drum of the old methods. This further challenges you. You continue learning the new methods and putting them to the test. Your greatest challenge at this point in the process is to not fall back on your old methods because your mind is so developed by them. You see so clearly how one of your old methods would bring a desired result, a result you know by old experiences. You’ve come to the “Y” in the road. Which way will you choose? Of course, which ever road you choose produces experiences accordingly. Then, from those experiences develops trust and confidence in the traveled method. You will be further developed in which ever methodology you choose, either the old way or the new way.

Your new boss is very patient, gracious, and forgiving to let you learn at your own pace. He consistently works with you, guiding you into maturation in his ways. He sends you reminders regularly, notes, phone calls, and messages from team players. It’s like you are always on his mind. He is obviously concerned about your development in his ways far beyond your expectation.

As you apply yourself you experience benefits you never dreamed were available. This encourages you to apply yourself even more. You see and hear about the same benefits in the other team players. This further encourages you. You really liked your new boss from the moment of your introduction. Now you see in yourself a love developing for him. You’re becoming more and more thankful he extended an employment opportunity to you with benefits so far beyond what you had dreamed possible. The efforts of your life are drawn more and more into your bosses methods and business. Your desires, your aspirations, your lifestyle are all adapting to his methods. You have never been so satisfied. You’ve never been so fulfilled. You feel like you’ve discovered and are experiencing the purpose of your life. It’s like the first time you were in love. You just don’t seem to care about anything else. You can’t stop thinking about your bosses business.

Anyone “in Christ” has a new position. The methods of our Father, God, are the ways that are “in Christ.”


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