Eric’s Sunday Sermon; Dependence Day

At before 17 I was emancipated. I finished my high school as a full adult. Emancipation meant that my mom was done with me as a child. We just think of slaves being emancipated but children can likewise. Youngest of six my mom was tired and I was wild. I had already been paying $150 for room and board for about a year. My mom and I loved each other in a very special way. Youngest of six and adopted had carved a niche for me early. We always said “special” instead of different. So mom loved me in a different way than my elder siblings.

My eldest daughter likes to say I am special and then roll her eyes as though she is suggesting that I am a child in a special program for “special children”. Life is good when you have an eldest who is a certifiable genius. Or maybe not so much ;-) I wonder what it would be like to be Cum Laude in two undergraduate degrees and a masters. Now that is special and independent.

I have had two wives. My bride currently and I celebrated 16 years this year. She demands that we both stand independent but that she is boss when it comes to our dependency. Our boy is learning not to be emotionally and physically dependent. Slow and steady and not overnight. I like the derogatory acceptance of the word co-dependent. It should be a happy word. I love being co-dependent on my wife. She totally does not do co-dependency. I have more empathy in my little finger than she will ever have. She is more independent? Maybe. She was born under communist rule. Probably we over compensate about being independent in one way or another.

“Don’t tell me what to do” seems fair enough for anyone. My nine year old tries it and we both laugh. “Don’t tell me how to feel” is no laughing matter. That is our core and needs to be independent. How you feel must be independent of all others. Empathy and sympathy is not a right to interfere with other’s feelings.

Independence is a state of mind and not one relying on chains or lack of chains. I heard a politician say that he was tied to freedom. Whoa, I don’t even think he got the irony and hypocrisy to that notion. George Washington refused on being offered a Kingship. He was not tied to freedom, he was free.

Now we speak of slavery and many just see red. And their eyes bulge and they need to sit down and breathe deeply. The first massive slave group were Hebrews. Although I would venture to figure that around four thousand years either way, women and children were slaves. Should all peoples then hate men who were the masters? I can’t do the hate card so I don’t know. Very peculiar that we rallied against overt slavery but allowed women and children to be chattel property. About 1920 and women got the right to vote in the USA. Before that, just property of the man. But I tell you true that men were dependent on women for 5,000 years before that. Perhaps when women were freed men were also as being a dictator is hard work.

I know a lot of folks that are afraid to give their hearts in love. Being dependent on another for happiness seems like no independence at all. I council that they are right. First they should be afraid and secondly you cannot just fall in love and not be dependent on the other for return love. It is just as it should be.

Here is a fun one. I often times become dependent on my wife of years for my happiness. Sorry but that is just the way it is. When her actions do not make me happy I am not happy. When my actions do not make her happy I am not happy. Same with my son about happiness. I like happiness, but happiness is dependent on others and situations, maybe even physical possessions. I cleaned up our bedroom and the boy’s bedroom and my office. That makes me happy. I made a killer salad last night and that makes me happy. Things can make me happy and I am dependent on stuff to make me happy.

Happy, slappy and good and crappy. Joy is a state of being, it does not require happy. It is independent of happy. When I am joyful I do not need to be happy. So I do not need the stuff that makes me happy. My son hugging me in the morning makes me both happy and joyful. Perhaps if you are wise you would say my dependence makes me co-dependent. My happy depends on others but my joy does not and never will. My joy is independent.

On my shelf I was just looking at a California law code sections book, next to a Bible, next to a dictionary for ESL and then Catcher in the Rye. It hit me that I am dependent on words. Spanish as needed, Vietnamese very poorly, French with practice and of course English both American and British.

Tagalog and Portuguese beguile me. Louisiana Cajon and New England require all of my attention. What does that have to do with independence you ask? If you do not travel or engage in words with others you are independent. Use words to express yourself and you are dependent on the listener. A weird thought to be true. When my son mumbles or does not speak directly he gets corrected. In general we are dependent on those we speak or write to. Try ordering food without using words. Oh sure you can point at the menu and nod at the sides but you are dependent on your server understanding you. (we are not considering deaf, blind and mute here)

And So Love Comes Into Play in Independence

Teach a man to fish and not just give him a fish to eat. Let the bird fly away and it will come back another day. Teach a child how to say not what to say. Learn to love without a word and you shall get love back without a word.

Can a parent be independent of a child’s happiness – yes. Can a parent be independent of a child’s joy – no. When we show our dependence on another we show love. Oh sure unhealthy dependence is out there, leave that to the shrinks.

We had a break, my wife from a nondemocratic country came and hugged me with sleep in her eyes and said “thank you for my independence” and we shed a tear. I break again for some patriotic music. Then the boy rises and gives a big hug about Independence day. Holy cow how we appreciate freedom and independence in this home. It came with a price.

Can we love a child without loving their independence? The boy took a bad tumble on his bike. The price of independence yet with love and caring from me the immediate ice on the hip stopped it from swelling. The day before he pulled a bee stinger out of my foot. We are dependent on each other.

National independence is great but we have to choose our own.

My independence is to love without boundaries and without consequence being a burden on me. I am free to love as I feel to do. I am independent of society.

Maybe we should respect dependence as much as independence?