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Eric’s Sunday Sermon; Dependence Day

Updated on July 4, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

Holding degrees in philosophy and Law. Formal studies or certificates or degrees in business, theology, insurance and security. Ex-preacher.

Just Another Deer or Two

Over the fence.
Over the fence. | Source

Ours to Decide

At before 17 I was emancipated. I finished my high school as a full adult. Emancipation meant that my mom was done with me as a child. We just think of slaves being emancipated but children can likewise. Youngest of six my mom was tired and I was wild. I had already been paying $150 for room and board for about a year. My mom and I loved each other in a very special way. Youngest of six and adopted had carved a niche for me early. We always said “special” instead of different. So mom loved me in a different way than my elder siblings.

My eldest daughter likes to say I am special and then roll her eyes as though she is suggesting that I am a child in a special program for “special children”. Life is good when you have an eldest who is a certifiable genius. Or maybe not so much ;-) I wonder what it would be like to be Cum Laude in two undergraduate degrees and a masters. Now that is special and independent.

I have had two wives. My bride currently and I celebrated 16 years this year. She demands that we both stand independent but that she is boss when it comes to our dependency. Our boy is learning not to be emotionally and physically dependent. Slow and steady and not overnight. I like the derogatory acceptance of the word co-dependent. It should be a happy word. I love being co-dependent on my wife. She totally does not do co-dependency. I have more empathy in my little finger than she will ever have. She is more independent? Maybe. She was born under communist rule. Probably we over compensate about being independent in one way or another.

“Don’t tell me what to do” seems fair enough for anyone. My nine year old tries it and we both laugh. “Don’t tell me how to feel” is no laughing matter. That is our core and needs to be independent. How you feel must be independent of all others. Empathy and sympathy is not a right to interfere with other’s feelings.

Independence is a state of mind and not one relying on chains or lack of chains. I heard a politician say that he was tied to freedom. Whoa, I don’t even think he got the irony and hypocrisy to that notion. George Washington refused on being offered a Kingship. He was not tied to freedom, he was free.

Worth a Listen

Before The Day Begins

I walked the streets alone.
I walked the streets alone. | Source

Free Will?

Now we speak of slavery and many just see red. And their eyes bulge and they need to sit down and breathe deeply. The first massive slave group were Hebrews. Although I would venture to figure that around four thousand years either way, women and children were slaves. Should all peoples then hate men who were the masters? I can’t do the hate card so I don’t know. Very peculiar that we rallied against overt slavery but allowed women and children to be chattel property. About 1920 and women got the right to vote in the USA. Before that, just property of the man. But I tell you true that men were dependent on women for 5,000 years before that. Perhaps when women were freed men were also as being a dictator is hard work.

I know a lot of folks that are afraid to give their hearts in love. Being dependent on another for happiness seems like no independence at all. I council that they are right. First they should be afraid and secondly you cannot just fall in love and not be dependent on the other for return love. It is just as it should be.

Here is a fun one. I often times become dependent on my wife of years for my happiness. Sorry but that is just the way it is. When her actions do not make me happy I am not happy. When my actions do not make her happy I am not happy. Same with my son about happiness. I like happiness, but happiness is dependent on others and situations, maybe even physical possessions. I cleaned up our bedroom and the boy’s bedroom and my office. That makes me happy. I made a killer salad last night and that makes me happy. Things can make me happy and I am dependent on stuff to make me happy.

Happy, slappy and good and crappy. Joy is a state of being, it does not require happy. It is independent of happy. When I am joyful I do not need to be happy. So I do not need the stuff that makes me happy. My son hugging me in the morning makes me both happy and joyful. Perhaps if you are wise you would say my dependence makes me co-dependent. My happy depends on others but my joy does not and never will. My joy is independent.

The Flash Flood From 2,000 Feet

When you can hear it from a mile away; run.
When you can hear it from a mile away; run. | Source

Pain for Art

Alone?

On my shelf I was just looking at a California law code sections book, next to a Bible, next to a dictionary for ESL and then Catcher in the Rye. It hit me that I am dependent on words. Spanish as needed, Vietnamese very poorly, French with practice and of course English both American and British.

Tagalog and Portuguese beguile me. Louisiana Cajon and New England require all of my attention. What does that have to do with independence you ask? If you do not travel or engage in words with others you are independent. Use words to express yourself and you are dependent on the listener. A weird thought to be true. When my son mumbles or does not speak directly he gets corrected. In general we are dependent on those we speak or write to. Try ordering food without using words. Oh sure you can point at the menu and nod at the sides but you are dependent on your server understanding you. (we are not considering deaf, blind and mute here)

And So Love Comes Into Play in Independence

Teach a man to fish and not just give him a fish to eat. Let the bird fly away and it will come back another day. Teach a child how to say not what to say. Learn to love without a word and you shall get love back without a word.

Can a parent be independent of a child’s happiness – yes. Can a parent be independent of a child’s joy – no. When we show our dependence on another we show love. Oh sure unhealthy dependence is out there, leave that to the shrinks.

We had a break, my wife from a nondemocratic country came and hugged me with sleep in her eyes and said “thank you for my independence” and we shed a tear. I break again for some patriotic music. Then the boy rises and gives a big hug about Independence day. Holy cow how we appreciate freedom and independence in this home. It came with a price.

Can we love a child without loving their independence? The boy took a bad tumble on his bike. The price of independence yet with love and caring from me the immediate ice on the hip stopped it from swelling. The day before he pulled a bee stinger out of my foot. We are dependent on each other.

National independence is great but we have to choose our own.

My independence is to love without boundaries and without consequence being a burden on me. I am free to love as I feel to do. I am independent of society.

Maybe we should respect dependence as much as independence?

Comments

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks much Linda,

      That is actually the highest praise I can get.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      4 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is an interesting and thought-provoking article. Both dependence and independence are important in my life. Your article has got me thinking about their roles and effects.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill we do episodic unhappy. About a week ago one lasted a good hour. The prayer and hug circle fixed that right up. Our home lady gets over the negative in split second time. It takes work sometimes to keep us honest to God.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      4 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      "When her actions do not make me happy I am not happy. " You know what they say - "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I suppose there's a nugget of truth in there somewhere. But I also know you're happy most of the time, and thank you for sharing that with us.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Audrey I simply do not associate with ladies who are not independent. I never sat down and announced it so. It is just how I act I suppose. It is palpable in my daughters.

      I could ask my girls, ex-wife, 3 sisters and my bride "Do you ever back down?" I would only get a look suggesting that it was a silly question. Obviously never.

      Mice maybe ok but "mousy" never.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Marlene that is so cool you commented on that. My wife is pretty intense, of course not me so much. We rely on each other for our different roles.

      But my boy and I get up with hugs and declare "this is going to be the best 'Thursday' ever. It is amazing how even when bad stuff hits the fan we are still resolute to find the "best" in it.

      And by golly at evening hugs you can just declare that it was.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      So correct Mary. That balancing act gets tough sometimes. Nowadays I can often just not even care one way or another. But I like to pay attention to it.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      I am one independent lady - always have been and in some ways, it has worked against me. But, now that I've reached a certain age, my independent nature serves me well.

      I really enjoyed reading about your personal life. Somehow, it makes me feel closer to Eric, the writer. Thanks, for this marvelous sermon.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      4 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      This is something we struggle with. I, sometimes, want to declare my independence from anyone but do I really? It's always a balancing act for me.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill I just love the term "fiercely independent". I think I was in my twenties, for about 2 hours per day :-)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hi Pamela, I used to think there was a fine line there. But now I am comfortable going on both sides to a larger degree.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Here's the thing: I am dependent upon you, and all of my loved ones and friends, for my sanity and my sobriety. You all are my Higher Power,and I thank you for giving me back my life.

      But I'm one independent s.o.b. in all other facet of life...or so I want to believe. lol

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Nithya, I agree with you. At least those make me very happy indeed.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Glad you enjoyed it Elijah,

      Interesting how you applied this to a different context.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      4 months ago from Sunny Florida

      I thoroughly enjoyed this sermon. I think in a marriage some co-dependence is typical, but it does not mean you can't be independent in your choices regarding work, etc. Love connects us beautifully, and I love your sermons about joy and love.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 

      4 months ago from Dubai

      Great sermon, got me pondering. Happiness comes from being together and respecting boundaries. I feel dependence and co-dependence involves love, trust and will ultimately lead to happiness.

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