Eric’s Sunday Sermon; Incongruence and Rectification

Readers of my work will think this strange perhaps. I smoked cigarettes. Before that I dipped tobacco. Makes no sense at all. Well maybe it did. Strange but both my cancers had nothing to do with that. At least that is what doctors and lawyers agree on. “WHAT!?” Doctors and lawyers? Well and the government and judges.

My first good cancer was determined to be “down winder” caused. Cool term. So they blew up these atomic bombs in the southwest and the fallout blew over me like a tempest from hell when I was about 5-6 years old. I hardly wore shorts in those days, shoes and shirts and just forget about it. I got in trouble more than once taking off my shoes and leaving them when I went to kindergarten. They have 4 E or EEEE width shoes. Mine are closer to 6 E. I do not have a tail but maybe the docs cut it off at birth. “My sisters would say that “you look like a monkey and you smell like one too”. So much fun. I could run through a Blackberry patch barefoot – shoot I still can. But all that nudity exposed me for cancer.

Now the Doctors and lawyers are all over me about Radon. Apparently the cancer I have now is directly related to Radon use. In my case both use and patrolling in areas of heavy use.

Now here is a fun one. After 911 I got a degree and went into private security. A gun toting bad ass. And I had my stun gun and Billy stick and handcuffs and learned defensive Karate (yes we learned immediate responder first aid also but so boring) I could serve and protect myself and others in a heartbeat. I was six ft, ugly and could press near 300 pounds.

But the silent invisible Radon was killing me in the business parks I worked. Now that is an incredible irony. Bad to the bone but weak as a worm against a silent killer. I got shot at. But radon is far more dangerous. My good buddy father in law in Vietnam got it bad from Agent Orange

I just get a kick out life and try to share it. My sons are convinced I am crazy. My daughters think that they do not know what to think about me. Always suspicious. Girls. No I am not taking acid, I just do not see the bad. I do not look in my rearview mirror I swivel my head to make sure things are copasetic. Rear views make me uneasy.

What does our concept of God do? I figure we will never know. Nasty stab wound and chemotherapy do not need to be “suffered” they need to be embraced. If you suck in the nasty and own it you can fill your heart with compassion for yourself and others. A simple equation of 10 + 10 equals 100. You figure the math in synergism. Yes that was plus and not times. That is synergism of love, multiply the pluses.

My buddy of 60+ a dollar years told me that I was “one sick puppy”. Of course we eschewed physical illness and were referring to my Pollyanic optimism and insanity. To me a nasty cut is an opportunity to learn how to fix it. I feel pain but look at it. Some of us are crazier. Or maybe we are not crazy enough.

I have this mentor, Yogi and teacher and coach and friend. Some folks call him Jesus. I just call him “hey buddy”. He lifts me up to more than I can be. OK, in full disclosure he is tough sometimes and smacks me down hard. But do not play one-on-one basketball and not be afraid of being knocked down hard. (going to the court later for a “pick up” game.) I have anxiety but will power through it. I do not drink Gatorade but I call it the Gatorade effect. Maybe Jonestown. Drink the cool aid and go for broke. That is the sermon? Nope but it is fun to think about.

Yesterday award day and grade school. Big deal two awards. Hell! Yes! We laughed at my 14X14 card and balloons. How fun is doing great and being recognized for it? You praise my son and you praise his mom. And God is glorified. And I get a seat in the grandstands. Life is good.

Who among needs to insert our deal into another’s deal? Well I do. It works out ok sometimes.

Hate is too transparent. Apathy is the opposite of caring and love. Write me a hateful note and I will respond because I care. Write me no note and I will not know to love you and that is harm to both of us.

I was kind of doing bad after a nasty wound in the hospital. An aid brought me a warmed blanket and tucked me in. That was one of the finest healing moments of my life. The stab wound healed but probably because of the love shown.

Now I have heard it said that a doctor treats the disease and the nurse treats the patient. Isn’t that so bitchin cool. I think true in ways I do not understand.

I had my once a year hankering for fast food. I cannot mention the name but the initials were Taco Bell. No soda and no fries just two large taco deals/Chalupas. Well now I must assume they we were made normally and they tasted, well not as good as I thought they would. Not too much food. They cost about ½ hour at minimum wage here. I have not felt this bloated and uncomfortable in a year. MSG? And then it hit me. I don’t do processed foods anymore. I just do not. I have absolutely no reason to. Why would I? Well maybe my multi-grain “natural” toasted oats and fat free milk. (Those are processed).

The point being here is that I try but just cannot do normal. My body has just become maladjusted to normal. Yes fast food is normal and people eat them by the billions of dollars a day. That disgusts me. I am glad my children did not see me.

My point really is the normal or the ordinary versus what should be normal and the extraordinary. Well I can tell you with a red face that my mulch has some fast food in it direct from my gastro going the wrong. Probably the chemies will have to be purged there also. Yikes.

Am I having fun in this world? I just looked over shoulder and ducked under my chair. I could sense the anti-fun pOlicey coming to get me with serious weapons. Meaning weapons to cause serious. They should be banned and are not here but the world creeps in and lets them over the fence. I am getting a dog this week I am second on hold for a Shepard and a Shepard. This dog will be like my boy and all – all serious and giggling.

Sorry but I forgot about being a hypocrite – read that incongruent and needing to rectify – read that repent. Isn’t that in our title for the sermon here? Being hypocritical never bothers me because I have an ex-wife, Five siblings, four children +++ a great wife and bestie friends who love to call me out on it.

So let us rest on this. My body purged that fast food crap. Not pleasant but right. My mind purged that hypocrite crap. I am sorry for venting on you. So I purge my guilt crap.

Yahoo let us have a dance party!!!!! Check Out a FAve of mine – shake shake shake shake shake shake. Shake our booty Somebody get me off my barka lounger standing and shaking my booty. Do not let the boy and his mom see me. Whahoo.

To me it is just dancing like we do!