Eric’s Sunday Sermon; Quarantine Time, School Closure

Just a bit of crazy here for a reason. You folks out there are crazy so I will return the favor.

If this is quarantine, sign me up again. We have School Closure here. What does that mean like what is quarantine? School closures mean no school, count me in on that one. We are not sick. So why are we quarantined? Nobody at school had the flu so why school closure. Quarantine our fun. Maybe some school closure for a kick in the pants to learn together at home. Quarantine this you morons. But a month out of school? We are writing down fun to do lists. Beach walk was awesome. We need two more Goldfish.

Oh well, I am in a real bad category. What immune system? Just get over sixty and grab some cancer and freak out? But then who will play basketball? Oh well I reckon I will have to put off sick for a bit. And I can only sink a 3 pointer about 1 out of 4.

Do not listen to that punk kid. I won the nerf battle. Ok I have a few welts and my safety glasses are kind of broken but who is counting. Well count this; 44 over 2 times 88 over 10 and you get a clue about Spring Vacation that lasts over a month. I hope this sermon is close to Sunday, March 15, 2020 because without school or job – what the heck day is this anyway. I think it is the day we eat ice cream? Or at least that is the day my son says it is? Roller coaster and I cannot get rid of my E tickets.

Alright do you really remember how to play tiddly winks (sp) or marbles (no sp)? I had no clue so instead of looking them up. We made them up. Who needs rules from a book when you can argue about them using logic?

Enough of wearing you out, but you should try my shoes for an hour.

I pay about twenty buckaroos a month for the gym. For this quarantine I would do that times four. I have gained 3% body fat. My buddy/son is on track. How fun is that. We do not need toilet paper but extra weight is good for a lack of food. People do not realize that storing food on your body is better than in the pantry. Yep. I went gone over 8 days straight without food in a cave. Water is needed but if you do not eat who needs to poop? Now about that drinking your urine. That is just weird. Do not do it twice in a row. Toxins build up. One of the cool things about water is that we put a bunch of stuff in our household drinking water. Well we drink filtered water. But I have 40 gallons of chlorinated water in big old bottles. If something got all weird I would not have to drink my urine.

Some folk say I am an ordinary man and some folks think I live so far out there in my mind that they just roll their eyes. My boy does it all the time. But he just understood the concepts of diagnosis, osmosis and prognosis not to mention halitosis. We learn processes to understand our own in our pea brains. And of course we are going to dive into, though we already have, metamorphism and symbiosis. The study of change helps us understand our 6 year old neighbor and our 92 year old revered other neighbor.

Quarantine is that cocoon. We get to come out of it changed. We get to metamorphose into something better. What a strange thing going on. Quarantine is a time of growth and increasing knowledge which is so cool. Quarantine me baby!!

Alrighty then I done put the dance and singing and music on the table. Dancing a four step, Tango and understand a cliff note from a treble is trouble for an old man. (yes cliff note is a joke I have trouble with the clef on my clarinet)

I wonder what the PTA is demanding and judging of me. Seems like I probably am not doing the “CORE” curriculum deally bobber. Oh my Patsy Cline and Beethoven, Elvis and Mae West make that world go away. My feet are sore from the boy stepping on my toes to the country swing. Thank goodness we have math to do so I can rest.

When I lived in a distant place and knew it could not last, we sang a good old song. Sur le bon tems or something. For the good times. In twenty years we will cherish this “quarantine”. These are good times if we so choose. Whahoo!

Next time you are in a bar drowning your sorrows, I am the guy drinking sarsaparilla and kicking butt at pool and sending a smile your way. My nose has broken enough hands. This deal is cotton soft to me.

My momma late on told me that I was such a sweet little baby boy. And she paused and said that I had grown into a sweet old baby boy. Seems she was saying I had not grown up, just grown older. Fair on you mom, figures you were right. Some of us don’t do so goodest with others. Quarantines might be a good idea for us. Welcome to my world of books and dance.

Now just assume that this old cowboy has been kilt. Just assume he has felt death and he smiles. I have never seen a pain that was not worth my time to hold hands with. Let others walk away and good on them. I just am one weak fellow in such regards. On the way to here I just have not seen a person with a hand out was not offering a hand up. Truth be that they will not remember me, but I will remember my son passing a dollar out the window.

Now truth need be told. I don’t feel all that right on. I am feeling more like a dog bit me than the heavens opened up. Now you all might say “yuk” and “what a bummer” but this ship don’t sail that aways. We have a term in flying, it is called the attitude. We all get longitude and altitude but who gets attitude? Attitude is the angular differential assumed between an airplane’s axis and the line of the horizon. It is visual and not instrumental. Or we might just say, “Is your plane flying level by what you can see?” I cannot see your horizon, I can only visualize it. I only can see my boot step booggy woggie and if I stare at yours I lose my attitude. So I like to say I am not feeling all right. Because that puts me in line with your way of thinking. But not my attitude. You see my alright is different than yours. If’n you all stepped into my shoes without looking you would puke. But you got to see that to me puking means I am alive. Whahoo!!!

Now all that is the long lizard’s tail of saying, be happy. I am not stuffing out a cigarette, popping 5 pills and washing it down with whiskey at 2 in the morning. Now that is a fine day. Laugh but I have been there. Eye of the Tiger. Keep it, stay it and love it.

Love is brutal. There is no walking away. You do not get to do a drive by with love. You have to own it and declare it and live it. Let the folks freak. You and me get to love. Sorry I have got to go, my feets are doing the two step like a monkey’s uncle. I gots to dance.