Eric’s Thursday Sermon; What Am I Doing?

Thousands and thousands of viewers on the Eric’s Sunday Sermon. Pages and pages on a Google search. It was not meant to be this way. The series was and is designed to be personal. It is meant to be between you and I and not a broadcast. I would decide that I failed. Hundreds of views. Nay, thousands. What went wrong I ask myself?

My syntax is hazy at best. I put words in the wrong order on purpose. I brutalize my readers with a sense of nonsense. I go on for paragraphs that would seem to have nothing to do with the conclusion of love. I have written 100’s of thousands words.

I am Bi-Polar to a degree of being certified. I can no more write every week and publish than you can jump up to the moon. Yet it happens. Way over 300 times. I miss days, weeks sometimes in the wilderness. No I really mean that. I hike into places where no man has electronics. I hang from cliffs that makes my knees shake and scare me to death, but I write the sermons which partly to my dismay are read by thousands a week.

Have you ever needed validation? I hit that publish button and freak out. Do not think for a moment that each sermon is easy. It is brutal. If I lead one person astray I fail. Go ahead and write. But I suggest strongly not to write sermons. The one word said wrong can twist a man. Yet the idea is to twist a man into thinking not as I, but for himself. I am not the one. I am only he that asked questions.

Peace be with you as you read my humble poetry

Shield Me

Shield me, my eyes open and so much to see

Shield me, please give my eyes back to me

Shield me inside, in love is destiny

Shield me from the world that be

Shield me my brave you son

Shield me my only loved one

Shield me, tempest abound in other men

Shield me, send me to a new better within

Shield me my freeing in need

Shield me from society’s bleed

Shield me from all that is

Do not shield me from love that’s His

I failed to exercise yesterday. I left nature to its own devices. I did not walk a mile or more. I did not hug my son. I screwed up. Shucks I messed up and got all wonky. Oh do not concern yourself at my distress, I have the finest family in the world. Siblings to children, a wonderfully crazed ex-wife and a doting loved wife. I done got the bestest of friends. I have life or death matters to work on. I don’t have to work. I need a dog. And I need a new mattress. Let me think on it --- well I do not need anything. Can you imagine? Can you even imagine a world where the only problems are made up? Darn it too much salt on the salmon. Not to worry I scrapped it and it was awesome.

I do not wish you to suffer. I gave that up with my second diagnoses with cancer. Give it up. The sun is there just for you. Oh and so are the clouds. Get out you binoculars and train them on the clouds. Oh My!!

I was doing business in Mexico. We flew back home in a private jet with some high fluting big wigs. The Berlin wall just came down. And yet we saw the wall on the border. I suggest one to keep them out is a good bit better than one to keep them in. You ponder that and when you have the answer let me know. Maybe think of the tale of Jericho.

Can you even think of a life that requires questions rather than answers. I am like the man with one foot on a solid rock and the other swinging in the air. No footing at all. I suggest you stand on solid ground and do not follow my lead as you will surely fall into a creek that may just carry you away.

Let me quote a master; “love is given freely to you but it is up to you to seize it”. I choose not to suffer, I choose to love. Again, not my call as “free will” was taken from me years ago. Did I mention that I had a wart? It just fell off. Warts and all I love. Wouldn’t life be grand if there were no warts. Maybe not. Again you must answer for yourself.

I just do not see myself as a worthy writer and preacher. In my bones it just makes no sense at all to me. Let my digress for a moment. I write briefs for an avocation. You know what I mean. Paperwork. I get guys off death row. I keep drug dealers from prison. Disgusting and I am not called to do normal. I am called in that evil legal world to write compassion. Nobody does it better. I have never lost a position in 44 years.

Yellow, black, green, blue and red. I picked juries for a living and my job was to get at least 3 that would never agree. My system was those colors. A red hates a black and a green will never agree with a blue. Yes, I never picked a jury that could agree on conviction. You think of bad as some little thing you do, wrong. Well my bad is huge. Human lives hang in a corrupt system and I clear the worst of the worst.

I have looked back and I “worked” for coming on 50 years. I never once worked. I have never been fired. Last count I have done over 40 jobs. I get bored and leave or I just finish a job like building a home or getting someone out of foreclosure. House painting is my favorite. I just don’t work. I have never had a job I thought I had to get to. I have always been there the first and left the last. Now I just write at 3 in the morning or 7 at night in between clearing the land and cooking a meal.

Once again I double back on love. It is the dandiest I know. I love work and I seem to like my depressions. They just are what they are. I am telling you depression stinks. My wife just kept bringing on the food last night which I did not want. She stood there like a drill sergeant and made me eat. Love conquers evil. I would not be able to write this piece without love. Do not do it. Reach out and get that love. Tell them how your feel. Above all let people love you.

I cannot remember a single time when I was not loved. But sometimes I have to reach out to get it. I have never had a friend who did not appreciate being called on to love me. How does that work? Call me at 858-736- 4432. I fully guarantee that I will give you some loving. Please just don’t do it by yourself the end of that story does not have a happy one.

I am going to crawl, no walk back to my hole now. That person may need you more than you need them. Give them the chance. Buenos Dias.